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New to all of this..

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018.

  1. Apr 30, 2018 #1
    Kangelic

    Kangelic New Fapstronaut

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. I was aware early on that he had a PA when I accidentally discovered it on his phone and he couldn’t keep an erection during sex. At first he down played it by saying he was trying to get it out of his life and I had nothing to worry about. We still had a healthy sex life, and I was okay with what he had told me. Fast forward a few months later, and he has admitted to me that it’s a way bigger problem than he originally stated. We’re at the point where we rarely have sex, which is a huge problem for me because intimacy is extremely important and I have a high drive and I depend on him to fulfill my needs. His online porn usage has left me feeling miserable. I’m depressed, I don’t trust him, I feel betrayed and extremely self-conscious. I think about it all the time, it eats me alive and leaves me not feeling good enough and feeling neglected. He just started counseling for it and despite wanting to be understanding and supportive I’m having second thoughts of wanting to stick this out especially due to the fact that he cannot meet my needs as a woman and my plummeting self esteem. I’m angry at him and feel like sex with me will never be his first choice, until he kicks this addiction I will always be second best. We had a long conversation this morning about the fact that he wants a future with my and my daughter in it and knows that porn can not be part of that future, he’s seeing a therapist and investing in a filter for all of his devices. I’m just really struggling with his addiction and how badly it’s impacting me.
     
    Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018
    Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018
    #1
  2. Apr 30, 2018 #2
    Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

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    Firstly I am sorry you need to be here. But no matter if you choose to stay with him or leave you will get support here.

    If you do stay it will be a long, hard and likely painful road. He may have relapses, he may lie. He sounds like he is willing to change, ready to change. But it is still painful. He will have to work to win your trust back. It may be a good idea for you to find a therapist that can help you. I want to say that you are still new in the relationship, it would be easier to leave now than years from now if things don't change. I'm not saying to give up, but to really think it through. There are times I wish I left early on, and times I am glad I've stayed no matter how much I've been hurt. Sometimes I don't know what I think. I do know that PA really messes with both partners.
    So I probably haven't been much help. But I just wanted to write something, you aren't alone and you need to decide what is best for you and your health. Leaving doesn't make you a bad person, and staying doesn't make you a better person. I'll stop rambling now. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
     
    Numb, Apr 30, 2018
    Numb, Apr 30, 2018
    #2
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Apr 30, 2018 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Welcome - so glad you're here.

    You've already met @Numb (she's awesome).

    If haven't already come across them, please search for these users. You'll find their experience and support invaluable.

    @AnonymousAnnaXOXO
    @Kenzi
    @Jagliana
    @GhostWriter

    I recommend having a look through the relevant threads here. The users I mentioned earlier often post in this section, and you can tap into resources from there quite quickly.

    If at all possible, you might recommend to your boyfriend to come on to the site and have a look at the resources and support available here. Even the reboot material would help him to get re-adjusted.

    Sorry you're going through so much heartache just now. :(

    "Everything will be alright in the end... If everything's not alright, it's not yet the end."

    Take care, and please reach out to the community if you need something.
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 30, 2018
    Deleted Account, Apr 30, 2018
    #3
  4. Apr 30, 2018 #4
    Kangelic

    Kangelic New Fapstronaut

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    @HARP and @Numb
    Thank you for your support. I do have a therapist I’ve been going to for a long time and we have discussed this subject. It’s nice to have a forum such as this one where I am able to connect with others who are in my same situation. It’s a difficult thing to discuss with people. Thank you again.

    @GhostWriter
    I’d love to hear your thoughts!
     
    Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018
    Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018
    #4
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. Apr 30, 2018 #5
    Kangelic

    Kangelic New Fapstronaut

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    @GhostWriter
    I am 23, and he is 31. My daughter is 7 months old, and he has a child who is 9 years old.
     
    Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018
    Kangelic, Apr 30, 2018
    #5

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