New here - really looking forward to community

AgileMyk · Mar 22, 2024

So I just relapsed after 18 days. I was actually in the process of maximizing my anti-porn security/testing and ending up relapsing. I use coldturkey and it works amazingly well. That combined with etc/hosts and some downloads from github, I've been able to make accessing porn impossible. I even went so far as using the command line and the android developer kit to remove the play store and all browsers and distracting apps from my phone.

I feel horrible after relapsing. I am also recovering from Covid which can have symptoms that mimic pmo withdrawals... symptoms that can last long after Covid is gone.

The anxiety/lethargy/brain fog are horrible.

I have been looking at porn consistently for maybe 5 years-ish now. While I 'average' once every 4-7 days, the content I'm watching has morphed some and I'm not proud of it. I have made a few 14-21 day streaks although not many. (I'm curious what anyone thinks about the 'level' of addiction that I have been in for the past 5-ish years or so and what sort of realistic expectations I should have based on my level of use)

I want to be completely free from this. One thing I've realized I really need is material that is hopeful and positive. I am trying to focus less on the number of days or more on overall healing. I've realized I definitely have some trauma and need to address how I frame my thinking. I've began therapy.

The Covid threw me off so bad. It was horrible. Three horrible weeks. It's quite infuriating, this covid garbage - not knowing if symptoms are purely from pmo or covid or some twisted combination.

I know one thing that will help is entering into genuine dialogue with my fellow fapstronauts. I'm presently feeling some level of release/anxiety lifting as I write this and know I am entering into a community of transparency, fellowship and support.

Looking forward to everyone's thoughts.

Orphan · Mar 23, 2024

Hi there @AgileMyk, welcome.

As the old saying goes, "it's only a failure if you don't learn from it." From what you've written, there are plenty of things you've already learned. I applaud you for cutting so many websites out already - it can take a while for people to work that one out.

Technical solutions like blockers and security have their place in recovery, especially in the early days. But from experience, don't solely rely on them. They're great for stopping things coming in - but the sneaky addict brain we all have knows how to circumvent them to get his fix.

To stop that, try to add things into your life that makes you the kind of person who doesn't want to engage in PMO. Think about doing:

Something you enjoy

Something you're good at

Something important

Something for somebody else, without thought of reward

If you haven't already, take some time to learn about this problem. It will really help in your recovery. Plus, it will take you away from Porn for a while. Read the reboot material (available here => http://www.nofap.com/getting-started) and then come up with a plan for what you will do when you are faced with urges. It has good information and good advice, so don't skip it!

Also, this is a great post from a nofap veteran about what kind of things could help you during your reboot => https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/time-to-be-done-with-this.140257/page-25#post-1442099

It's also worth remembering that PMO use is a soothing technique to avoid some kind of pain. By far the best way to quit is to find out what that pain is/was, and resolve it somehow. What your level of addiction is will largely depend on the reason you turned to PMO, and how long you've been using it (I've written a lot in my journal about this, if you are interested).

It's good to have you here. Wishing you all the best with the reboot.

~Orf

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New here - really looking forward to community

AgileMyk Fapstronaut

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