New here, hoping to change my life

Hello everybody. Im a 23yo man and I started masturbation and pornography when I was 10, and there from today I never been more than 1 week without doing it. I was also addicted to online games and I think these addictions fucked with my social skills. Three years ago I decided to quit playing online games and start studying for college, and it worked, now I study at a good university in my country and I feel my social skills improved a bit. But since december of 2017 I started to feel very lonely (I dated once when I was 16 for 7 months) and depressed. These negative feelings started when I was on my vacations and lasts until today (and this got worsen over time, last month I had a lot of suicide thoughts). My self-esteem is very low, it's like I feel inferior to everyone around me, and because of that I have difficulty talking to girls, and I start thinking that I'm losing my life and I'm going to die alone. About five weeks ago I was googling about depression and found something about nofap and started to watch some youtube videos about it. I was very interested in what I saw, because I never thought pornography and masturbation addction could be the trigger for these bad thoughts. Now Im here trying to abstaining from these behaviors hoping to feel better.

 

Thanks buddy.