New here, fem/fimdom addict

Not to worry my friend, you are in the right place now. My advice to you now is for starters DELETE ONLYFANS if you already did delete OF good you are on the right track. What I don't understand is more of your story I am not trying to judge you for it, I just don't understand it that is all. I have had my own experience with clip stores as well It wasn't a very good one, I tried to buy a clip got a call from my bank and got a fraud investigation so my card got deactivated. Never going back to another clipstore again. As for femdom I actually relate to that a bit. I have always been shy and felt stupid around women I often find myself thinking about what is called a "Strict-wife" Yet I feel like it is more fantasy than reality. Because I think most women want guys with confidence, make moves and smile for the camera, instead of a guy like me that wants to be seduced wants to tell her she looks pretty but is too afraid to and hates getting his picture taken.

Sorry if I was problem dumping on to you I was just trying to see if some of my experiences lined up with yours to see if you could relate to any of this.

 

Its simple you need help. Yes its possible to overcome it by yourself but takes a lot of time and frustration and way more money than a therapist would take and still there is no guarantee that you will be able to do it. Hi i struggled exactly 5 years with findom addiction, since late 2016 till mid 2021 and now i am a therapist and i make my living helping people with the same addiction i had amd other related sexual addictions, porn being the most comon one.
So this is not something to play about and its as serious as gamble addiction or even drugs addiction and way more hard on your life than smoking addiction. Yes doesnt cause the biological hazard that smoking does but its just actually super bad for the brain. And its much more difficult to cure than smoking of course. This because the high dopamine release on findom and sexual vices make it one of the worst kind of addictions.
I honestly could only save myself because of my therapist course and the copying mechanisms i learned while i was still studying. Also my self resolve anddd more importantly knowing the cause amd the source for it. There is always a source for the addiction. Last patient i had the source had nothing to do with sexual stuff, he had problems on his work that he didnt want to face and he used findom as a getway. We all have our reasons and sources. Others do it because they are shy and didnt get to be with a woman in the past and are afraid of it and then they use too much porn and then they have this fetish for losing control and then you have a findom addiction. I in my case i always like to see myself as a player, i am handsome and i always had preety much the girls i wanted, so i never was into humiliation, i just like to be powerless.
Bottom line, the addiction will get worst if you do nothing about it, like really do something. I remember when i first started with this asian hot australian girl, i would send 10 dollars for pics, but i didnt care about the pics so much..it was the rush of showing her i was helpless and she taking advantage of that. I remember when one day i sent her over 40 to buy pics..and i orgasmed good and then felt so bad. Crazy because we step forward like 3 years and i start feeling bad when i sent like 300 Hundred a day and not 40..so it gets worst and worst like all unchecked addictions, i ended up spending more than 1k per month of course and then thank God i managed to stop. I am therapist now and i only been off for two years now but i clean and thats all that matter.
Your money will comeback, you will be yourself again and you will be able to get out of it and actually enjoy life, you just have to want this, say to yourself you want this.
I cant help all of you guys cause of my work but there are tons of good therapists around, i can try and give my advice through here when i do have the time. I saw all these posts and i just get mad at how many victims there are, 95% of those girls have no idea of the evil they are doing or some just chose to not think about it because we all need money.
But i digress,

1° first you need to understand the cause and what you are avoiding and running from

2° you have to really stop at your worst..not after you cum or send a lot. So next time you relapse, we hope not but its probably that you will, after you send like two times and you are like at your worst arousal and want to succumb the most...thats when you say enough! Thats the point right there, not after you cum and you calm down, that means nothing and you will come back. When you are at your worst arousal and want to send so bad thats when you stop, you log off, you erase fucking twiiter, erase fucking kik, block all your findom contacts on instagram WhatsApp every single one now. Now explanatioms to give just donthis. Go take a shower cold water just for a minute and you go out, just walk, beach drink a lonely coke at the bar next to you, just get out of the house, no movies or PlayStation, get out of the damn house. And dont go looking for this moment, just know that the next time you will relapse, you have a weapon a fighting chance and you will spit in the face of findom when it wants you to send again the most.

3° ok you finally for the first time in your life said no to sending at your worst, when it was the hardest, when you wanted to send so bad. Congrats not many people can say no at the face of the addiction when they are at their highest, but its the best solution. Not over yet tho. You have to stay away for at least 3 more days but you will have to orgasm in these days, better yet you have to orgasm as soon as possible. So if you have a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy, now its the time to text them. If you dont then you masturbate with porn watching a different kink you like non findom related. You will eventually have to take care of porn addiction and start masturbating just with your imagination but thats not in this stage yet.

4° you made the first steps through you real healing. This is it, this is the time, no slipping back. Now this will be the difficult part, you have to face your fear now, the reason why you started, and trust me this will be even more difficult than the other steps. But the good thing is that life is beautiful and you are grabbing it and saying enough, i want to live. And you will make it, i know so cause i did and i was even more desperate than you. I ended up one month with 12 dollars on my account..for like 6 days. Nothing is worse than that. And i already had a work while studying amd was making 1500 euros a month, so yeah trust me you can do it and there are always someone who is worst and shares your struggle.

5° there are more steps and mechanisms, one super good inuse with my patients is creating another bank account, not easy to take money out of and you have to deposit there on the day you get payed. Its the rule, we have to be self disciplined and have rules, they will make your life go in the direction you want. But there are always other mechanisms and wys to fight it very good.

So sorry for my long essay, but this theme stills gets me emotional so i am more talking as a fellow ex addict instead of a therapist. Lastly if you are in the bottom and not motivated or have enough will power to do what i said, then you need help from a therapist. Yes you will have to pay some fees but it will save you much money in the long Run and give you a life, and you know this. How many times you tried by yourself and nothing? Do my steps for the love of God and if you cant do them just go to a therapist or email me if you have no other chance and i will can try to help but i have a lot of work right now but i can always try to solve it.
I leave one of my personal emails that i dont use basically, because the business work e-mail must be free and not have too many stuff and i cant miss any important email.
fmcc93@gmail

Keep fighting

 

I am not a findom addict specifically, but I've battled many other addictions, and one thing I know works for all of them is finding a purpose, making a commitment and following through. There's no magic, commit to abstain from it, and bite the bullet. At the moment you commit, as the fellow poster before me said, you will be at the most vulnerable moment (that's when you'll acknowledge all the problems and face them right on, and it doesn't feel good), but instead of running away from discomfort, youll face them on and come out alive the other side. Hold on to your decision a couple of times and you'll see you'll not just be allright, but you'll actually be better off without it, and you're recovering. Aknowledge the triggers for what they are, don't engage with them but ask of them "why do I want to use?" instead of just going with "I want to use, I should use". Don't expose yourself to the behaviour, make a decision of not behaving like you did (i.e. goint to websites to pay for it) and follow through. Register in your mind positively each and everytime you held your ground against addiction. And have fun, spend this money on something for yourself that you know is good for you, something that makes you feel good and is also good for you. Or spend it on someone that is caring and loyal, not an internet stranger that does not deserve it at all (I think I understood the allure of findom as I wrote this phrase).
Point is, an adult decision is to go for people and things that you want and also that are constructive.
Have a great and grateful journey, I hope for the best.