New fapstronaut here

Hello,

I am a 36 yr old guy who abused his own body through masturbation since the age of 13. At age 21, I started watching porn videos as well. Since then, my life had turned upside down. Before I started doing masturbation, I was the top ranking student in my class. But after that, I lost interest in studies, had no motivation, kept forgetting things during exams and felt studies and exams were very tough for me which were an easy task for me before. However I managed to get an undergrad degree as a mediocre student and eventually landed in a job. Masturbating by watching porn daily made me an underperforming, lazy guy in my whole career so far as I had no motivation to grow in my career or no interest to perform my job better. My marriage got failed due to the harmful effects of porn and masturbation (ED and PE). I got social anxiety, ocd, stress and depression over the last 2 decades and being in a very lonely life now.

I was trying to quit masturbation even before I started watching porn but could not completely quit. I usually abstain for a month or two and end up doing the masturbation again. Until the age of 30, I was not aware of the existence of this community and the harmful effects of porn and masturbation. I got even terrified when I read something like one of the most harmful effects of porn is the silent development of paraphiliac behavior without the knowledge of the person and it makes the person to involve in anti-social activities. After knowing that, I decided to quit porn and masturbation once and for all. Without joining this community, I kept on trying and failing for the last 5-6 years. Somehow I keep on relapsing every time due to strong urges and the chaser effect that follows it. The best I could do so far was a 60 day abstinence last year.

I was unfortunate to have 2 buddies in my childhood who introduced me to this addictive habit and not aware of this community for nearly 2 decades. I am cursing myself daily that I could have been in a much better position in my life if I am not addicted to this habit. I feel hopeless as I kind of stuck in a loop of reboot-relapse forever. In a hope to come out of this pathetic life, I am trying to reboot once again by joining this wonderful community. And I am not going to give up until I find the light at the end of the tunnel. To other fapstronauts, I wish nothing but success in their attempt to come out of this addiction for the rest of their lives.

 

Orf-- Thanks for sharing the link. It gives clarity and confidence to my rebooting attempt. Finally I feel like I'm in the right place to fight this battle.