Needed to change

I've lurked around this forum for a week or so after discovering it and have to says its an excellent resource. I was reluctant to join and post since I thought the process of talking about PMO addiction might actually provide for another trigger point in itself.
Anyway here I am. I decided that I should record my thoughts in the hope it might encourage others.

I'm in my late 40s, married, kids etc. I have a great career which allows me to work from home and have been indulging in PMO almost daily (weekdays when alone) for years and years (well, over 30 years!). It was simply a habit that I thought I enjoyed but, having thought about it, realised it is ruinous to health and social attitude.
The tipping point came a couple of months ago when I realised my addiction had been getting in the way of work / earning potential and having an effect on my proper sex life for much too long.

I was alarmed to find that I ticked all the boxes that constitute an addiction even to the point of being short tempered with the kids if they interrupted me with my porn viewing. I even used to look at porn on my laptop in the lounge when the family was watching tv (laptop tilted so they couldn't see what I was looking at).

I've always been, like most men, very visual in terms of arousal - the usual things, pretty girls, high heels short skirts and these images really do it for me. Even though my wife indulges in all these, it was still not enough and so was easy to become obsessed with internet images of the same. But the material and fantasies became harder and harder, and the realisation came that my tastes had become so extreme I had started fantasising about being cuckolded or pimping my wife out to other men. It seemed everyone was at it on the web and had read that this was a regular fantasy for very intelligent men as the "metal torture" of it was as thrilling as physical BDSM (which I'd also started to enjoy). I had actually begun to convince myself that this was a good idea and that my wife "deserved" to have men who could perform better than me. Of course this was partly because I had been suffering from PIED.

So just before I approached this subject which, in hindsight, would have been disastrous, I checked out the reasons for these obsessions and came across this site and the explanation of dopamine addiction and desensitisation etc.

An then the penny dropped. Pornography is NOT a harmless hobby as I'd always said. It really does objectify women and really is a form of filmed prostitution. Sure some of the women want to do it but, lets be honest, they are normally low on the IQ scale or have come from dysfunctional families. They rarely come out of the industry with their sanity intact. For every one that ends up as a "spokesperson" for the industry or creates her own production company, there are thousands who end up as hookers feeding drug and alcohol habits. I'd stumbled across a porn site that featured "funny" clips, mostly of girls having mental meltdowns on set and this made me think that this is really the consequence of the pressure they feel, to make money and be attractive to men. And don't even get me started on social media and popular teen culture - the overt sexualisation of young women is something the porn industry has created and its presented as family entertainment.

PMO really does have an effect on your ability to get it up and your relationship with women. Women generally do NOT want you to perform in the bedroom like you are making porn movie and do NOT want to be objectified.

So, I'm now a Fapstronaut and, as of today have a clean 11 day streak of no PM. The O has happened 3 times in the correct, natural way with my wife and I realise that she actually has no secret desire to cuckold me with a hung black guy! What the hell was I thinking??

Already I've seen my concentration levels increase and my attitude to family and friends become more measured and calm. Sure its hard and I've returned to this site almost daily for inspiration to keep going. I'm lucky that I have a relationship with my wife and do feel sympathy for the guys who are single or at college. When I was their age the internet wasn't available. The well-thumbed magazines under the bed were the only source of fantasy but they didn't depict women being degraded to the extent that the internet does and didn't provide for the excessive "novelty" of new cyber partners that so addictively keeps the dopamine supply going.

I still love to browse Youtube but I'm also even more appalled at the sexually suggestive material that is available to everyone. There's a regular commercial that pops up before many Youtube clips at the moment promoting some young "pop princess" (Justin Bieber's old flame) and she's prancing around in her bra and panties with a come-fuck-me pout. I look away, of course, but the point is that the triggers are all out there and she really has to be viewed as a prostitute just the same as the others.

Enough already - this is my first post. Glad to be here.