Hey guys, I wanted to see what people may think of this. After the end of summer I will be starting the last year of school. Previously at my school many girls wanted to "get with me" but I rejected them all. By many I mean around 12 in my first year at that school alone. I rejected them all because I didn't feel like that was the right thing to do, "to get with someone", I felt that was using someone and it wasn't right. Due to this I learnt that I was a "good looking guy","hot",as girls would call me. I am not trying to brag here, I am just stating the facts. Personally I never thought that I was as good looking as girls have thought I was. After a year at that school girls starting thinking that I was gay. Some would ask other guys behind my back if I was gay, some would ask me directly. I always denied their accusations, because I wasn't gay. Skipping to the year prior to this summer, I noticed this girl. She was in school for a longer period of time then I was, I heard her name before, but I didn't quite notice her 100%. I noticed that she was very hard-working which I really liked as most of the girl don't work and put effort into anything. She worked hard in school, played sports, she was clever and very beautiful. When I realised all these features that she had I wanted to get to know her more. She was a class/grade above me in school and also being shy guy I haven't spoken to her seriously before. Once or twice we had a very very little conversation, I wouldn't even call it a conversation, it was more of an exchange of words. For half a year I did not do anything in order to get closer with her somehow. Did not try to start a conversation, didn't go up to her. I was very nervous, I knew that there was no room for failure. But during December I sent her a message on Facebook saying that I had feelings towards her and said the reasons why. She replied saying that she had nothing back towards me. It felt easier to get my feelings towards her off my chest. After the Christmas holidays I came back to school and my friend told me that he has heard of what I've done. He told me that the girl I texted told her friend, not on purpose but by accident, as she was "in the wrong place at the wrong time". And her friend told my friend also by accident. Sounds ridiculous. Eventually my friend told me that I had a chance. He said that the girl I liked said I was "best looking in the school" and other positive/nice things. But she said that I should socialise with other people more. The fact that I thought I had a chance put all that weight I had lifted off back on to my chest. I couldn't concentrate in class,do my work, focus on my sports 100%, focus on the gym100%, I was back to feeling worried and anxious. Eventually I realised that her birthday was some months after that. I decided, I had to do something. Maybe not to even "start something" with her, but at least just to make her happy. I bought her a teddy bear and a birthday card and was waiting for her in the evening of her birthday. I got my friend to get her to where I was without her knowing it was me. Before she came, I was so nervous, sweating, shaking a little. When she came I gave her the gift, we talked a little and I asked her if she would like to talk a little bit more before summer. She said she would but she had exams coming up before summer so we wouldn't have much time, but she would still like to anyway. That evening I was so happy, couldn't stop dancing to Michael Jackson "Billie Jean". Soon after I starting texting her. We wouldn't text much, as she was studying, around one message everyday. I told her that she didn't have to meet and talk with me, as I knew that she had lots of work to do. She said that we would still meet. I was happy. Throughout the entire time we did not meet once at all after her birthday. We texted, it wasn't much. It was things like "what do you want to do after school" etc. Last text I've sent her, she read and didn't reply. The text was something that you don't usually reply to anyway, like "ok""yes" etc. But I though that she would at least start a conversation with me later on. She never did. Skipping to now she never texted me, I didn't text her. My birthday wasn't too long ago, I felt like she would at least say "happy birthday", nothing. She knew when my birthday was as it said on Facebook and it notifies everyone, yes she was online that day, I checked. I just don't know what to do now. I felt like this was the only girl I've ever felt anything about. She was different, unique.In my eyes she was perfect. At least for me she was perfect. I really don't understand, why do so many girls want to be with me or get with me. But the girl that I tried to be with, doesn't feel the same. And the worst bit is she never said something along the lines: "Sorry but this isn't going to work out, I am going into university and you are still in school" or anything. She could have said something so that I could try, at least try to move on from her. I wish I could forget her. But the summer is nearly over and she is still I'm my head...
Mutual interest can be a bitch. It seems for me, either they're interested and I'm not, or I'm interested and they're not. It's rare for me to find a mutual interest, and it sounds like you're in the same boat. It's difficult, but you have to move on. Maybe people like us should try giving those interested in us a chance. Not that you have to jump in the sack with them, but give a couple dates. It's also possible the PMO has simply warped our tastes, making women in general less attractive, or even changing out natural "type". I've noticed lately that my type seems to be changing from what it was when I was younger. It's possible you're suppressing your attraction to the women you're actually attracted to, and your "type" might just be what you think you "should" be attracted to, not what you actually are attracted to. That's what I've started realizing about myself. If you have negative thoughts and feelings about a certain type, it might just be that they're making you uncomfortable because they're causing cognitive dissonance - you might be attracted when you think you "shouldn't" be. Food for thought! Take with a generous helping of salt.
I love the story because it sounds pretty genuine and very sane, in the context of NoFap, since it had not an ounce of sordidness to it. You should not let yourself be used as an object of desire. Women can be just as confused about what's good for love as men -- and women players or users are just as cluelessly poisonous, imo, (if not more so). Sure, you may have covered up a little chicken-ness in your story here and there, but on the whole I hope you'll stay forever clean and romantic in your attitude to the opposite sex! It will help tremendously in finding strong and lasting love, since promiscuity and infidelity go hand in hand. You'll have to continue your reboot, too, of course. Habitual two-dimensional sordidness is still just that... and it is unlikely that you'll be sufficiently yourself if you haven't rid yourself of PMO addiction. Through a reboot, some of this well sort itself out -- especially since you seem in touch with your feelings. But err... (a) texting is lame, too limited, not very real, largely unromantic, and way overused, imo. Anyone who tries to text me something very personal, to-be-negotiated, sensitive, or complex... will not likely get an answer -- until they call and we agree to meet -- period. I don't doubt that texting is the chicken's preferred mode of communication, but it does not do. I would not have taken it seriously in her position either. Step up your game by going realtime when it matters. (b) Jason't right, in my view, when he questions focus on a particular "type." Personally, I really recommend not jumping in bed with someone you're interested in but....to be interested in anyone who makes you feel good, whom you like and respect, whom you can have a good time with even when doing nothing particularly important, who you feel "gets" what you're about, who you are deep down. (I often talk of "chemistry" but it's actually even deeper than that.) (c) That said, you have every right to consider a woman "perfect" for you and to pursue her without harassing her, but -- take it from a guy who let the one he was truly in love with slip through his fingers -- try not to be too rational, to neatly-negotiating, too super-reasonable about how you can find love. It helps, if the guy puts some skin in the game; it's not necessarily fatal if he's initially more motivated for her than she for him; don't measure the process in measure-for-measure increments. It's quite okay for you to step out of your comfort zone. Good luck, guy! (b)
This story sounds very similar to how things went with my number one crush in high school, and that was about 18 years ago. I barely knew the girl at all, very rarely talked, but I was INFATUATED with her, and yes I remember even buying her little presents, slipping notes in her locker, etc. It makes me cringe. Of course it never went anywhere. What I would say to you is that you absolutely just have to start moving on other girls, use those looks that seem to be working for you. The worst mistake you made was just getting your heart set on this one girl, you put all your eggs in one basket. Don't be afraid to gain experience with as many girls as you can. If you do that, your skills will get better, and you'll eventually find a good one. And absolutely stop looking at porn! Good job on your streak!
@Jason_Tesla_19 Thank you for taking your time reading and giving me some things to think about. I will definitely take what you said into account. I will try to be more open to other girls. Thank you again and keep going with your no PMO streak!
@Atlanticus Thank you for taking your time and giving your opinion on this. a)I do agree with you that texting is lame. But in that situation texting was the only option. b)I will try to talk more with other girls and try to understand them. Maybe I was blind all this time and there is someone out there that is even better. But it will be herd for me because that girl is still in my head everyday, I will try to get her out of my head for good. c)As I said I will try to talking with more girls and I will step out of my comfort zone. Again thank you so much, for giving me advice, and good luck with meeting your own goals and being the best version of yourself!
Why is it okay for you to reject others, but not okay if someone isn't interested in you? Not everyone is going to be interested in you. Just as you're not going to be interested in everyone that you meet. She doesn't owe you anything. Not even closure. Just like you didn't owe anything to the other girls that you weren't interested in. Just because you invested your time, energy, resources, and feelings into someone does not mean that they're required to pay you back in any way. You'll dwell on this only for as long as you resist the reality of this situation. Did you buy her the teddy bear for her sake and not wanting anything in return or did you do it for your sake and expecting her to pay you back somehow?
@SuperFurryThing Thank you for taking some time out of your day and giving me good advice. I will try talking more with other girls. Again in terms of nofap. Haven't looked at porn for 9 days now, and no MO either. Before that did 70 days of no PMO felt amazing benefits. This time my goal is to quit for the rest of my life. Thank you again for taking your time and giving you opinion on this and I hope you can keep making great progress and reach your goals!
@elevate You are right in saying that no one owes me anything. I definitely agree with that. I guess at times I can forget that, and become selfish in a way. The reason I bought it was because I wanted to make her happy, I wanted to also prove to myself that i wasn't a little girl and that I can overcome my fears and in a way I guess I did want something in return. I thought something might happen, at least I wished that something did. But as you say she doesn't owe me anything, neither does anyone in this world. Thank you for reminding me of this, I guess I have forgotten...
You're not stating facts. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, there are probably some women who find you an unattractive. Maybe you need to stop being so picky. When I was young I wanted someone 'exotic' but now I'm not that bothered. Not saying you should go for someone you find completely unattractive but be a bit more humbler.
@Wave Surfer Yes you are right, the word "fact" should not have been used there. As it isn't something that can be proven, its a matter of opinion. Thank you for giving me advice, I will try to be more humble and be the best version of myself.
