Need your advice guys..stuck bad!

Be Inspired · Feb 8, 2024

Anonymous86 said: ↑

Oh wow, so a similar case to mine. Have you noticed any physical or psychological improvements once you went on a streak or are you still struggling? Sorry. If you need to move this to DM, let me know.
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You can DM me bro.

gordonfreeman14603 · Feb 8, 2024

Be Inspired said: ↑

You can DM me bro.
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Can we talk altogether my friends? You guys also DM me.

Bilal Shahid · Feb 8, 2024

SuperFan said: ↑

You have personal evidence that 90 days had you feeling great about yourself. That's the way to get back.

Why are you caught up with questions of whether or not you'll flatline? And what if you do flatline? So what? At least you'll be avoiding these habits that you recognize are destroying your focus and motivation.
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You are right. Its the over thinking that has gotten toxic. Another reply here said I need to look in the mirror and see myself as a free man, rather than assuming that I'll be free after day 90, which is another trap. I just stop. Thats it. Thanks for opening another door for me!

Bilal Shahid · Feb 8, 2024

tawwab1 said: ↑

So are you going to put yourself down in the gutter forever for a girl who doesn't even love you? You're only 23 now. Try to imagine yourself doing porn for the rest of your life, because it is a lifelong addiction. Many guys on this site have been doing it for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, or longer! Is that the lifestyle you want to choose for yourself, because a girl did you wrong at one point in time? Does that make sense?

This is just the addiction talking. A person may stop masturbating for some days but he is still thinking in the back of his mind that he's going to go back to it. There's no recovery benefits that way except maybe a temporary testosterone boost, and not every guy will even get that, because you have to have everything else right like diet, exercise, sleep, etc. The real benefits come from the freedom of having the dark shadows gone from the back of your mind, the brightness back in your eyes, your motivation returned, clear thinking etc. You won't get that unless you TRULY leave porn behind you and face yourself in the mirror as a free man!
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Thanks alot man! I'll start acting on this.

Bilal Shahid · Feb 8, 2024

thetruth19) said: ↑

Well if you keep watching porn, your problems will get much worse – what if you can't do the task then? You're going to have really tough days, whether you have a porn problem or not. We all do. Better to go through the ups and downs of recovery now right – before it gets awful?

Create some strategies that are healthy ways to cope with the inevitable ups and downs of life. The gym, playing sports, joining a club, starting a business or a meetup etc. Without fully committing to leave porn behind, you'll keep going back to it every time you have a bad day. And this is my story, and this is just pointless and horribly destructive as you are half in and half out which basically means you live in a constant state of flatline.

You have a great job. Lots of people would love to do that for a living; be kind to yourself and quit now. Porn will never do anything for you other than steal your time, sexual and mental health. Leave it behind man!
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Thanks man! Appreciate the time you took to reply! I'll undertake new habits.

Bilal Shahid · Feb 8, 2024

KevinesKay said: ↑

I see MB as a symptom of deeper rooted problems that I need to identify and address. And if I don't expose these problems, they will continue to subconsciously undermine and sabotage my conscious efforts to stop the behavior.

The first problem of mine is one that most of us share. That is the problem of connection. Connection, for me, is having a group of other men that know me and are encouraging my personal and spiritual growth. I can find that at a 12-step group, or Celebrate Recovery, or a church group, or an online meeting, or even forums. My observation is that most members on this site lack adequate connection. And that's a problem; a serious one; much bigger than our fapping. Lack of connection puts one at a huge disadvantage when it comes to stopping it's symptoms. So when someone ask me for direction, that's one of the first things I'll address.
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Aside from deep connection, do you see any other deep rooted problems that might be contributing to this behavior such as trauma etc?

Maayowa · Feb 8, 2024

Bilal Shahid said: ↑

23 years old here, software engineer with a good paying job, masterbating 2-3 times a day or more, on junk food, and cant focus for more than an hour.

Now I have had a 90 day streak before, where when I stopped for 90 days, I had mental clarity, peace, was focused, determined and could concentrate without worrying. Ever since my girlfriend cheated on me, I have started relapsing, due to low self confidence and am destroying myself. It's either soda, junk food, or porn.

I can do a streak again, but I dont know if I do the streak of 90 days, will I ever be able to focus again? Will i get my health back? All these questions make me lose motivation. Whenever, I go on a streak, I cant focus on anything else, its like a flatline. I try to work more on my career, do something but I cant. I am stuck bad. I dont do drugs, cigarette, alcohol nothing. Just Porn and fap is my problem.

I dont know if I should stop Porn anymore, why should I? What if I do, and I stay the same, in flatline. I gym and I do other stuff but I lose motivation after 2 days max. I cant do anything and then return back to relapse. I cant do more than one thing at once and am stuck, my mind constantly ruminates.

Fellow fapstronauts, please advise me what to do, how to go forward from here, with absolute certainty that everythings gonna be okay. I wanna focus, work again but I cant. I dont wanna move on.

Should I push myself to work hard in my career, I end up masterbating, should I push myself to stop masterbation, I dont study, its a flatline
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You never really want the fear of relapsing to stop you from going at it again. Like others have mentioned, we have no choice but to keep going. I have a similar issue as you. I once had a 90 days streak and I’m currently struggling to get it back. I am also stuck in building a career for myself getting stressed over it and battling with PMO addiction.
While you are building your career as a software engineer, be wary not to throw yourself completely into work such that you burnout and come back to relapse to porn.
With focus, give yourself time to heal, declutter and detox as much as you can, even if it might include significantly reducing screentime on all ends.

Goodluck with the fight!

KevinesKay · Feb 9, 2024

Bilal Shahid said: ↑

Aside from deep connection, do you see any other deep rooted problems that might be contributing to this behavior such as trauma etc?
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Start with finding more support. From there, you can learn from others more tools and insight that will help you along this journey.

I don't consider NoFap an adequate connection by itself. Don't sidestep this important need. I don't expect any addict to break free from these porn symptoms without it.

Bilal Shahid · Feb 9, 2024

Thanks alot for the replies people! I have undertook my Nofap streak, will start psychology sessions and will go to the gym and work hard again. See you guys at day 90!

thetruth19) · Feb 9, 2024

Bilal Shahid said: ↑

Aside from deep connection, do you see any other deep rooted problems that might be contributing to this behavior such as trauma etc?
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Maybe or maybe not. I bet there are loads of men out there that are happy and trauma-free yet still porn developed a habit.

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Need your advice guys..stuck bad!

Be Inspired Fapstronaut

gordonfreeman14603 Fapstronaut

Bilal Shahid Fapstronaut

Bilal Shahid Fapstronaut

Bilal Shahid Fapstronaut

Bilal Shahid Fapstronaut

Maayowa Fapstronaut

KevinesKay Fapstronaut

Bilal Shahid Fapstronaut

thetruth19) Fapstronaut

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