Hi everyone,i first found this thread five days ago and some of the stories I read inspired me to start the Nofap process,but relapsing multiple times after a four day clean streak made me realize I might benefit from interacting with people going through the same thing so I started an account today. To start from the beginning, I am a 27 year old male, and I began m.o.ing when I was around 12-13 years old. I immediately felt wrong about it,but was unable to stop,i was always being triggered by TV and random girls on street and at school. I should have known something was wrong because of my inability to resist,but being a Hormone filled teen the thought never crossed my mind. When I first came into contact with Internet P,i was instantly hooked and watched whenever I was alone,with a big family in the house it wasn't easy,and my super strict parents caught me multiple times which led to big time drama/stress/shame,but still I was unable to stop. When I moved out at 18 the floodgates opened for real and my access to Internet P and magazines was unlimited. I think since I first M'ed at twelve,barely a day has gone by without M'ing, and only then when I was actually unable to (staying at someone's house,physically too tired etc). During this time I never had a girlfriend, and was extremely bad/nervous with girls,only going on one date through the whole time. This partly began when I was a little kid and the only girls I "talked" to were the "mean girls" who would make fun of me. Being a young and immature kid,i got it in my head that girls were just mean,because I could only see the few mean ones,and not the many who were not mean to me. When I first almost had a sexual encounter around 19 or so,i was unable to perform at the moment of truth,even though I had been ready before then. I did not link this to porn in my head,and wen through many years of shame,no longer trying to meet anyone because I was to scared of failing again (finding out that the girl in question was making fun of me to other people didn't help either). A few months ago I stumbled across videos on YouTube about the damaging effects of P.M.O. On the brain,which was big shock to me. I always thought it was a losery kind of thing,but never suspected it was actually addictive and caused brain damage. I tried several times to refrain for a while but never went longer than a couple weeks,then just recently found Nofap and read some of the incredible stories,and decided to rededicate myself to changing. I'm hoping that overcoming this can help me face my other issues in life,like the total lack of ambition and drive I've had my whole life,and hopefully find some purpose,and maybe someday start a family when I mature as a man. If anyone can offerr some tips and experience I would greatly appreciate it, this has been a huge monkey on my back for some time now,and it time to get rid of it.
Welcome to NoFap. You are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you. PMO has to be treated like the enemy is it to your overall psychological, physical and emotional health. As such, you need to delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. Identify your triggers. Think back to when you started PMO. What stresses have you had/ do you have that cause you to turn to PMO for escape and comfort? That's a very important thing to do. Once you've done that, you can begin determining healthier ways to deal with them.
Welcome to NoFap, Must..Resist..Fappening and congrats for finding the courage to join. You are absolutly right, you have to stay active here in the forums for a better chance of succeeding. Together we conquer PMO forever.
Thank you D.J. I've already deleted everything. The problem with my triggers is that it sometimes seems like I can't escape them. I think I have hypersensitivity, because even one glimpse of an actress in a tight outfit on tv will have me running for the computer, but then that one image that inspired me isn't enough to keep me interested. The relapse after my first four day streak came from watching a tv show the day before that had a hot actress, I resisted that night which felt good,but the image stuck with me till the next day. I was consciously avoiding tv,and was reading a book,but then a quick reference to sex in the book propelled me to Google images,and then to full on p.m.o. I think one of the things that weakened me that day was laziness,I had a job to do that day (trimming apple tree branches) but I put it off telling myself I'd do it later. I think that putting off the job to be lazy put me in a weak state of mind,contrasted to the day before when I fixed a garage door that was busted and felt good about it,that night I resisted the temptation. Another frustrating thing is when I'm not seeing anything stimulating at all,but the urge still comes into my head,like I'm being told to get horny out of nowhere. I think maybe boredom and laziness tends to lead me inevitably to p.m.o.
Thanks NewLife101, I'm glad I joined up,as there isn't really anyone I know I would be comfortable talking to about it.
After you have identified your triggers, the next step is to find healthy alternatives to dealing with them. For instance, as you have shown, the healthy solution for procrastination and laziness is activity. You may not be able to un-trigger yourself but you can find other ways of dealing with it. Guard your eyes. When you see image on TV or even in a movie, quickly turn always so not to allow her image to completely form in your brain. When reassociate the image actress of the actress to say Bea Authur or someone like that unless you find her attractive). Now every time you see the body of that actress you see the face of Bea Arthur. See where I'm going?
That makes sense, it's funny how our vices seem to bolster each other,like laziness=PMO=depression=lethargy=PMO, or weed = big ass tub of ice cream. I think my first vice ever was laziness,I wish I knew where it came from,considering my folks were strict disciplinarian constantly stressing the importance of work ethic.
Perhaps your stress came from an escape from the pressure to perform that was placed on you by your family. In other words, always being active was the stressor, laziness was the way you coped with it. I didn't say it was logical or effective but it allowed release from the stress, similar to how PMO is not healthy or constructive but it is an escape from stressors.
I've thought about that before,i think there might be some truth to it,actually the biggest stress in my family growing up,for my siblings as well,wasnt the pressure to work hard,but my dad's serious anger issues,none of us could ever relax around the house. He would often go weeks or even a month without talking to us,just glaring angrily at us when he saw us around the house. It's funny the parallels I see between me and my dad's situation. After I grew up I had a much better relationship with him,we became good friends,qnd he confided in me that often he wouldn't even have a clear source of anger,it was just like a switch in his head would get flipped,i think he suggested it was his brain telling him to get his "fix" (his word s).
Now take what you know and begin the next stage: I need to replace PMO in some ways, what are the healthiest ways to do it? Think about yourself and if you find yourself at a loss, reach out, we'all assist. As a wise Fapstronaut has said, it's better for you to come up with solutions than for us to give them to you as to not respond with failed solutions you've already tried. Once you have come to a mental roadblock, we'll step in and help clear a pathway to clarity.
Thanks D.J. I guess what I can do from here is try to take on more activities and responsibilities during the day,especially on my days off,and recognize my triggers from a distance. Day one of my thirty day reboot begins today.
Well I got through day one with no difficulties, watched tv for a couple hours at night,saw some things that would normally trigger me, but I was able to redirect my thoughts fairly easily. I have a couple questions for any Nofap vets,how long does someone keep going on their "new to nofap" thread, before going to one of the other forums like reboot or whatever? And also, I have deleted my Internet history and burned all my mags (felt better than just throwing away lol), but often when I'm using the search bar and start typing, the thing in your computer that remembers your keystrokes will fill in something I don't want to see. Like if I type a sentence starting with "h" it will fill in "huge tits" lol. Is there away to stop that? I would have thought deleting history would do it,but apparently not. Same problem on phone and tablet. Any tips would be appreciated, not very good with tech stuff. Thanks guys.
Those are the cookies. Those have to be deleted as well as history. It's going to suck because afterwards anything that you would normally typed in a few letters to obtain the website will be gone as well. Whenever you want to transition from the "newbie" site to your own journal is up to you. What I will often do is follow a person so that whenever you post anything, regardless is where, I'll be alerted.
Day two went well,did some chores after work and didn't bother watching tv. Only tempted once,but quickly faded. Read a book all night after chores. Smoked weed and ate some junk,I would like to stop that as well, but I don't know if it's all too much to take on at one time. I've been working out somewhat regularly, which I think has been helping a lot to keep me from getting fat,but workouts seem hard and tedious compared to my brother and friends who love it. A lot of people on nofap comment on enjoying their workouts a lot more after a lengthy reboot,hopefully that will be the case with me as well. When I was younger I was a total book worm,would read anything in front of me, but for the last five years or so I've noticed a lot more difficulty staying focused while reading novels and nonfiction, often not getting through a chapter before getting bored and giving up. Constant pmo,weed, and sugar(which I'm starting to hear more often is bad for your brain as well) probably doesn't help.Been getting back into it with a fantasy/adventure series that's not too hard,hopefully start chipping away at my pile of unread classics and history books. Sorry if this is too long guys,thanks for support.
Not too long at all. Most don't like exercise at first but once results are seen, the love of exercise increases. Like everything else, it's a process. You may way to incrementally decrease your sugar intake as well as decrease the frequency of smoking weed to rid those things from your life. The key will be not only ridding those things from your life but replacing those things (excess sugar, weed and PMO) with other healthy substitutes.
Day three was good,didnt think about pmo all day at work,then went to help my brother move all night. Spent today moving again and as of 10:20 p.m. It's looking like day four is a success as well. The extra work is a welcome distraction, idle hands really are the Devils playthings. Need to find something besides reading to occupy my time though.
