Need help please, please, please!!

I realize this site is not for sufferers of porn addiction, but could anyone help or direct?

I have been obsessed with my boyfriends masturbation habits for months with no one to talk with about it. It hurts me deeply that he needs to do*this. It makes me feel totally inadequate besides. I know he loves me, but I can't stop obsessing over it. I tried to talk to him, but he said it was none of my business really. Of course it was a tense conversation and he was defensive. He told me he only has love for me, but He does it in my house that he moved into with me when I'm gone.*We have fantastic lovemaking. (everything works good), but when he masturbates, I feel cheated and cheated opon. He says it's a natural instinct for a man and it shouldn't bother me. I obsess over and over wondering what he looking at, if hes in the shower or bedroom, lying down, standing, wearing his readers....lol, right?
I would LOVE to make love much more often, and think if he didn't masturbate to images or porn, not sure, that he's cheating me out of more than once a week. He is very happy with my body, and my looks, he says he just "gets horny" , well, why doesn't he make love to me then? No he doesn't have a stronger sex drive than me. Why can't he wait till I get home. I'm never gone for more than 2 or 3hours! I've heard men do it because it's easier, less messy. If that's the case then it's easier to accept, or he's bored or needs to relieve tension. How would he feel if I moved into his house though, and I looked at and got off to sexy hot dripping men with giant penises and sexy muscular bodies while he was out. But why does he get horny when I'm gone and not when I'm there? I told him I'm not threatened by his masturbation, but why can't he do it while thinking of me? If I do occasionally, I think of him and hold no other visual of any man, only him. I'm stuck on this, and got so obsessed I place the lube in a way that I know he's used it, he's so messy about it (probably because he's so focused on his pleasure he leaves it running down the side) Of course I get angry, and cannot be close to him the entire day,and because im afraid of a useless fight i keep it in, andbut since he told me it was none of my business, I have dreaded talking to him again. I realized that I probably caused him to have more intense desires now! Especially since he doesn't consider it virtual cheating, but in his mind he's actually probably more stimulated now that it's more" naughty", I realize, which makes me angrier. I found out about your brain on porn and am at least compassionate that he could be addicted and how the brain works with dopamine and Coolidge effect and am more relieved he actually has a physiological addiction! and not that he doesn't truly love me, but I don't feel trust and wonder if he ever goes to strip clubs during the day since he has his own business and has time while he's away.
So one day I got angry enough that I decided to find the best looking biggest dicks I could find (yes passive aggression) to masturbate to to get even, but it didn't make me feel better, then I decided to leave my iPad open to these guys hoping he will open it and find them so help him see how it feels, but he's still engaging in it regularly.*
I need some one or many to please be compassionate and not critical to help me to realize something. Please don't tell me to grow some skin, or that it's not about me, etc. etc., and how pathetic I am and insecure, or, the worst one "you don't want the same thing to eat everyday, do you?" ugh!, so not helpful. Everything I found when I googled said all those things to other women who felt the same.
If its so frickin normal why doesnt he pull out his iPad while we're watching tv and go at it with me right there watching him fantasize over someone elses image. Why in my deepest heart do I feel sooo bad about this and cannot swallow this pill of "it's normal",Im insecure,but feels so wrong!
I think that how he scans around looking at women, all while holding my hand , when we're out and used to look for movies with sexually explicit scenes make me feel I can't trust him.
He satisfies me in all other ways. Hes attentive,romantic,loving,affectionate,very ccomplmentary, and so on.
It is ruining my ability to give my whole heart and stay connected 100%. I am a fiercly loyal Scorpio women and need to feel the same loyalty*
Is there anyone who can offer some advice, ENCOURAGEMENT,especially to help me . I love him very much, but I feel his habit, and maybe my fear of conflict, is tearing our relationship apart. He is the first man to love me like I've always dreamed of, but that one thing im obsessed about.
Please help me understand how this is normal. I tried swallowing this pill of being told its just a guy thing, but it's logged in my throat even though I've tried washing it down by not confronting him since it's " not my business"..
Ugh, then I guess I should become a lesbian to be fulfilled because she not being a guy won't do this??
I guess I realize how the addiction is physiological, but my need is;can he genuinely love me and want to Desire other woman, me wishing I were her exclusively.
Thank you in advance for your sincere and honest compassionate input.

 

Thank you so much for the reply Phoenix!

 

Thank you benignentenz? I haven't heard back from too many forum members yet, but the 2 including you have encouraged me to get help for myself, and actually just having someone to chat with is helping me feel support because this is something so personal I have no one that can relate. I guess I wished someone would set me at ease in regards to how I should feel adequate and understand more of how he can do this while saying he loves me so that I'll have some sense of security. In other words if some of you have had or are in committed relationships and have any similar issues, is there more specific encouragement coming from your perspective. Things are getting clearer and clearer for me regarding how it is a physiological addiction and less about myself not being adequate. I guess I wonder if it's possible to truly love someone when you feel attracted in such an intimate way with another.
The reason I handle it the way I do is because I have a lot of patience with relational matters, plus I love him and the many truly wonderful things overshadows the "fapping". If I thought the "fapping was something deliberately abusive like emotional or physical, I wouldn't tolerate; no patience.
I guess the appearance of non reacting is since I tried to confront him, but he sorta made me feel it's normal and reassured me he loves me very much, but he knew it was a pill I did not want to swallow and has been lodged since. I do believe the stronghold of sex is conditioning men in legions. It is poisonous like a drug that controls our will. A video on you tube with a very moving,transparent and emotional Dustin Hoffman talking about how when he did the movie Tootsie he realized what women feel like and touched on how men are brainwashed in this case relating to what you said about its misfortune in relation to Being "normal"...I think masturbation is natural, but maybe the fact that if your in a committed relationship and not single it's "normal" to have eyes only for the one you say you love, but because we, men more, are conditioned to believe if it is an image, it is not cheating, but is it??
Thank you again for your kind and helpful response. Take good care. Kiki