need explanation on what happened today…

Hello everyone,

I am looking for some advise on potential reasons for what happened today.. To give a bit of context, I (36M) went through therapy for the last 9 months in order to resolve negative thought & behavior patterns which have usually been most present when dating/being in a relationship. I was a strong anxious attachment type and my last date before therapy was with an avoidant woman who carried a lot of emotional baggage and was emotionally unavailable - though I didn’t see the red flags at that time.

Besides that, throughout my therapy I have shown signs of fear of abandonment; there was a period when I was young (between 10 - 22 years old) when we have lost a lot of family members to diseases, sudden deaths, and a suicide. In 2018 my uncle died at the age of 56 years, he was a heavy alcoholic.

Fast forward, I have taken the last 9 months to focus on myself only. I have not dated at all. I have adopted additional behaviors that have overall improved my mental health (daily meditation sessions, yoga) to ensure that I stay in the present. I have improved a lot, I am incredibly proud of what I have achieved, I am emotionally much more stable now. This is also down to the fact that I have cut back on porn considerably since I have started therapy. I have realized that it is not good for me, it makes me feel bad. I’ve had relapses for a short time, now I am again porn-free for 14 days. I used to be porn free for 60 days in the past. Also, I am now in process of cutting back on my masturbation frequency to restore it to a healthy amount e.g. 1-2 weeks. Until yesterday, I was abstinent for one week and yes, I have noticed improvements e.g. very stable mood, more energy, all women were so much more attractive. Overall I really enjoyed the situation.

Now, coming to the actual question… last night I had so much sexual tension in me after one week of no masturbation that I masturbated to orgasm, but no porn. It took less than 2 mins. I didn’t think of anything while doing it actually. I thought “hey, why not, let off some steam and that’s it for the week”. This morning, however, I was in such a bad situation… I was sad, almost depressive, very tired, was ruminating over past dates that couldn’t translate into serious relationships etc…. I even shed a few tears at work as I felt lonely.

12 hours later, and after a good swim in the pool after work, I am now slowly feeling better.

Now, what the hell was that all about? Is this purely the result of a massive dopamine spike when I had an orgasm followed by a massive drop of dopamine, causing the sadness and tiredness today? Is this normal, even though I haven’t watched porn in weeks and I don’t even miss porn? What if would have had sex yesterday instead of masturbation, would have caused this the same emotions…because, both sex and/or masturbation cause dopamine spikes. What is the resolution? No more masturbation, never ever again?

I am a bit confused to be honest. I would love to get your feedback on this

 

Thank you for your feedback… I am not quite sure if I understand, I think I need something more concrete… is there anything I should pay attention to when it happens again? I don’t want to read too much into this experience just yet, but if this is reoccurring situation then I think I need to take some kind of action - even though I do not quite know what an appropriate action would be?

 

That sounds interesting, I have no knowledge on this topic. Is there some material available that I can study to learn about this, anything you can recommend?