I am two months into my reboot and my wife and I decided two months ago that hard mode was the best way for me to go. Now that I am two months in with no PMO, I have been trying to back out of hard mode. I can't tell if this is because 1) I feel I am healthy enough to now have sex, 2) I just want to have sex with my wife, or 3) My addiction still has a hold on me and is making me rationalize. Does anyone have any experience with this? I could really use some outside opinions. These are uncharted waters for both me and my wife.
Why did you choose to go hard mode? If it was cause your mojo was disrupted and now it's back, I reckon reasons 1 and 2 are enough to phase into easy mode?
I chose to go hard mode because I have always used masturbation and PMO as a kind of surrogate form of sex. I have always had a high sex drive. And when my wife was not in the mood, I would PMO. It slowly turned into where PMO became my first choice, before interpersonal relations with my wife. It got yo the point where I was desensitized to sex so much that I could not preform (the catalyst that lead me to NoFap). We decided together that since, for me it all went hand-in-hand, abstaining from all of it was the best way to go. Now, though, I am not sure if I legitimately believe it is okay for me to begin having sex again or if I just want to. And there is always the possibility that it is my addiction masquerading as improvement and if I follow that course, I will only get sicker.
For me there is always a good chance that the addiction is masquerading as f*cking. On the other hand, I am pretty sure that everyone can tell the difference between sex and making love. If you say that PMO has become your first choice, me in your place would ask "why?". Then I would take the answer and make it to opportunity. Start to work on your relationship and open up more about your love life. Make her feel good/special/unique. In one of those moments, maybe mention jokingly stuff what you would like to do/try. Make your wife to your first choice. Keep it positive and do not push. You should have fun during that. Good Luck!
In that case I'm with Tyler, take it easy and don't push it. Let the attraction build up again and go for it when sparks are flying and everything feels right! Tbh I'm a little jealous, rebooting attraction with your partner like this could well let you relive those butterflies that brought you together
You can test yourself with these questions. Be honest to yourself! a) Am I truly willing and truly happy to share my life with my wife? b) If we have sex together, will it be totally natural without protection? c) If we have sex, do I basically allow a child being conceived? d) Am I ready to become a father? Is my wife ready to become a mother? Are WE ready to become a family? Does if feel good for both of us? If you say "no" to all these questions, then you are only driven by your sex addiction. You should possible change something about your life. If you truly say "yes" to a life together with your wife, anf a possible family life, then continue.
You lost me here... It is okay for couples to have sex with protection and it is okay for couples to have sex without the intention of kids.
It is always possible that contraception does not work. So I want to clarify: Are you PREPARED for the case that you create a child? Would you ALLOW a child being created? Are you prepared to becoming a FATHER? Are you ready for creating a family, for raising and educating a child? And more: Do you WANT that all? If you are internally not ready to create and raise a child, then you want sex more out of reasons of addiction. And that's what OP @LookHeartNoHands asked - whether he wants to sex only because of the addiction, or if he is really ready for more.
They are married though. Sex is a major part of marriage, not out of addiction, but out of importance. It is a way to connect with your spouse, in a way that (ideally), nobody else can. Accidents do happen, but that doesn't mean they will happen or that you have to be ready for fear of a accident happening. I don't advocate for abortion, I am pro-life. However, marriage intimacy is extremely important. So I completely disagree and think your wrong with that. You can want sex purely for wanting sex, the pleasure that comes from only your wife/husband. They don't have to be prepared, ready, or want a family to warrant having sex. If you honestly believe that then I would go to say your a robot. Because we are human, and intimacy with our spouse is essential.
Marriage is essentially a piece of paper. It only counts what you make out of it. Well of course, I totally second that! The feeling of intimacy and being bond is the best in life! But exactly THAT was the essence of my answer -- does sex give you the feeling of connection, or are you feeding your addiction? I hate the idea of calling a baby an "accident". In fact, already "protection" is a bad wording. Well, thoughts are free, and I advocate for free speech ! Well in a way we are powered by neuronal networks, and I assume that there will come a time where robots cannot be distinguished from humans. In a way you are right, I am a robot. But then, you too. Yes of course, but there are many other ways of intimacy than sex. BTW, I've been sharing my bed for 14 years, and we are cuddling and kissing every day, so I know a lot about intimacy EDIT: I would say that ultimate intimacy is being total open and having no secrets.
