Myself / My story / NoFap journey (Streaks/Relapses/Flatlines)

Hello, this is my first post ever in any forum. I want to be precise but also complete about my life and this journey to offer details that may help you have a full understanding of my life.

# Mark with bold crucial years/moments.
# Dividing this by 3 topics: 1) About myself 2) My story 3) Streaks/Relapses/Flatlines

1) ABOUT MYSELF
-I am a 27 yo male from South America. Overall healthy (good diet/OK blood and heart tests/no drugs or alcohol or any other addiction/bad habit) -Except pmo-
-Good and humble person with good heart (keep group friend from high school); always want to help others when possible.
-All my life I have been anxious, competitive, no tolerance to defeat, no patience (recognised and solved most of this last 2 years (keep working on my behaviour) - This generated a lot of problems like stress, muscle tension, anxiety disorder, panic attacks). Strong fear of death since I was a kid.
-Lived a lovely chilhood with my both parents (overprotected by mother); minor fights between them.
-Good at school/college/work; good at football (soccer) -my passion- and other sports.
- Used PMO as a way to tolerate frustration and relax myself (relationships - videogames - life in general)

2) MY STORY
As I step into teens (2008 - 12 yo) is where everything begins. Discovered fap by school mates. Practised it at least once a month at that age.
2009 - I noticed I had it very easy with girls in school (mini dates with a lot of them). During this year continued fapping, I would say three per month at the very minimum.
2010 - Keep dating girls (it was easy but not as '09). Porn gets into the ecuation, at least fap one per day but mostly without P. Lost virginity (P.E) - Less energy than 2009
2011 - Average fap: 1 per day. Less overall energy than 2010 (girl attraction diminished)
2012 - Average fap: 1 per day - Get into a relationship out of boredom (Less energy than 2011)
2013 - Average fap: 1 per day - This year my overall energy dropped a little bit more - Finish high school
2014 - Average fap: 1 per day with P - This year changed everything. My father died; whole world lost sense to me and I could not get over it and never will.- Just learning how to live without him. Here is with PMO helped me numb that emptiness and sadness.
2015 - 2017 - Avg fap: 1/2 per day with P - Hardly get any dates through this years; all the atention I received from girls as a kid vanished in the air. Did not matter as I stayed happy with PMO. Through this period also graduated from university. I slept A LOT, just wake up to go to university, and that was it. Energy was lower and lower every day. A lot of stress, muscle tension.
2018 - Avg Fap/Orgasm: 1/2 per day. Got in a serious relationship until 2021 and got my first and second job. Same energy/stress/etc from 2017 that got increasingly worse from the second job which was stressful
2019 - Avg Fap/O: 1/2 per day. This year my body reached the lowest energy and the highest unknown (until then) anxiety. Never heard of anxiety/panic attacks at that moment. Thought I was going to die right there. Easily worst year of my life along 2014. After going to urgencies and notice I was perfectly "healthy" went into treatment with psiquiatrist and "understood" my issue. Anxiety pills brought me back to life since my best teens years (lots of energy/no stress/muscle tension/no feeling of being about to die). Quit job (live with mother) - Pandemic hits.
2020 - Avg Fap/O 1/2 per day - Got overly confident, quit treatment before time and didnt continue with therapy. Back to anxiety problems that got increasingly worse. Started to question myself if fapping would be the problem (unbelievable for me how something so pleasurable would be harmful). I relapsed everytime when flatlines hitted (as I did not know what was going on) until I reached my first 30-45 days without fap and was one of the best feelings of my life (total calmness and control over my life with a lot of energy) until I had sex again.
2021 - Avg Fap: 4 per month as I discover nofap - Break up girlfriend. Anxiety back again, this time worse than ever before. Panic attacks +1 hour each. My mind was totally lost. Got with a new psyquiatrist (thank god I met this man) Nov 1st. Back with pills which around month 2 began to make me feel good (mentally / more energy / encouraged me to start therapy where later on will discover my issues). Got the job of my life at a football team's management.
2022 - Being more conscious I reduced the fapping frequency (maybe 2 per month - sex once or two per week second semester and first 2023)- Pills stabiliced my mind and let me live to the fullest. Started to improve my psicologhical behaviours. Got a good streak and attraction began to surface again. Also began with hookers as I felt like a stallion.
2023 - Half of the year with pills (less quantity) until my Dr. said i do not need no more. I was living the best life like '22, full of energy, without any problems - This time I have completed the treatment and once I quit pills and back to real life, everyday stress began to increase but I could control it. However, as I got over confident with my well being, I got back with porn and M 1 or 2 per month as i thought it was over; it was not. Deep down always knew that semen retention was the key; but anxiety pills let you O without any problems since it regulates and stabilices the brain. As I was pill free, I felt the full effect of PMO again (anxiety-stress-muscle tension-brain fog). Avg: 2 per month - Energy and attraction always came back after 15 days making me relapse at that point (Got a few girls in rotation). After every relapse/sex I felt drained.
2024 - 1 PMO in Jan 27 / 2 O (Sex) Feb 9th - Anxiety got ugly (not as before); brain fog and tension through the roof after both times. This last time I added some stress at work which made things worse (have tough days since day 1).
From now on (20 days streak) I am very conscious that I need my brain to heal without any pills' help. I will prioritice myself and will not O until I feel my brain has been fully rebalanced.

3) STREAKS / RELAPSES / FLATLINES

# 2020: (1 streak - Between 30-45 days) - Best streak with a flatline (brain fog mostly) in between - Felt like I have everything under control/total calmness/full of energy. I can't forget this period!
# 2021 (0 streak - Nothing relevant)
# 2022: (1 streak - Between 25-35 days) - Energy and women attraction was insane; until know I had no answer on how women looked at me (and even talk/flirt/ask for my phone number). Could not notice flatline as I was on pills
# 2023: (0 streak - No more than 15-20 days) - Little to no women attraction / When hit day 15 energy boosts. Flatline until day 15: Low energy / Brain fog
# 2024 (1 streak - Feb 9 up to date- 20 days): Unfortunately, still on flatline from day 1 since I carried a lot of stress as well. I am giving my best to embrace it even though is so hard. Brain fog/Tension is so awful but just today is getting better. Anxiety is on a moderate level, and hits from time to time during the day.

I just want a normal, happy life and I am going for it!

Hope this motivate any of you going through flatlines since they SUCK. But take into account is just psicologhical and we are in no danger. Most important; DO NOT RELAPSE AS IT IS NOT WORTH IT IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION.