My Story

My name is Jonny, I am 16, and this is my story.

You could say I was basically born for porn. Since I was 7 years old I was entertaining violent fantasies. I had been getting random erections since I was 4. When I was 12 I figured out that thinking about [NSFW]naked women[/NSFW] gave me erections. I then got an insatiable curiosity about what female parts looked like. I looked at a sex ed book I found, but it was not detailed enough. So I searched the internet for [NSFW]"naked women"[/NSFW]. I found such a website (to the genuine surprise of my young mind), and opened it. I was SO SHOCKED I immediately closed it down. Then (up to this point it could be considered innocent curiosity), I went back. That was my big mistake. I couldn't stop. I learned boatloads of stuff about sex and learned how to masturbate. I Med to P till I realized that I might get caught and lessened my internet activity. For four years I secretly Med almost every day, till I became a Christian. Everything changed. I thought He wanted me to tell my mom (my family was split up, so my dad was not available). I felt terrible about it. I even started walking to the living room with my head spinning with a confession on my lips, then I stopped. I felt terrible and I was in a dark hole of shame. My relationship with God deteriorated a lot. I eventually told myself that "telling her would be too hard for her". I was genuinely scared cops would bust in and put me in jail because I lied that I was 18 years old and it's illegal for a twelve-year-old to have porn. I didn't want that to happen. So I tried to quit many, many times. I once got three weeks in before relapsing. Finally, I found NoFap! I did not feel guilt anymore now that someone else knew of my predicament and I was seriously trying to quit. I still have never told my mom. This is my story, but it's still being written. Thank you for your time.

 

Thanks everyone! It's great to not fight alone!

 

I'm still not sure if I should tell my mom. Next to lying about my internet habits I have caused physical damage to her computer from viruses I picked up surfing P. I feel that I need to apologize for all I did, but I'm too afraid to tell her.

 

Hey guys, it's me and I'm back. I up and told my parents.

 

My mom's reaction was frankly, almost disappointing. There was really no reaction. Since my mom works at night and she has to sleep in the day I decided to leave her a note. She acted like she hadn't read it until I asked her, and then she said, "What am I supposed to say?" hahahaha
It's not like my mom doesn't care though. It's mostly my dad and brother that are keeping me accountable and making sure I don't mess up. My brother had also had the same problem I discovered. He got caught in the act though. O_O I can't even imagine how that went down. lol

 

Personally, I think things are going great. The course I'm on at http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/ is really awesome and has been helping me a lot. I know my mom, bro and dad are there if I need anything and my dad and brother are actively keeping me accountable; I think I've taken all the steps I need to put me on the right track with PMO and my relationship with God. Idk, I'm still in the easy part of quitting though and still hyped up from my big reveal but I'm just feeling awesome. I don't know if I've ever been this good. As painful as it can be to reveal all your inner sins and shortcomings it's so awesome to just feel like you've done everything you need to. I feel like there's a mini sun inside me, shining away. I could possibly be high on all the molasses cookies I ate, I don't know. xD