My story

My story


I started using porn when I was 12-13 years old. I was wery sexualy frustrated didnt cope well and was desperate for sex. I made a kalf blow me several times on the farm I was on respite care.
My parentes placed me the pga ADHD

I was an outkast, bullyed, diagnosed with ADHD used retalin from the age of 4. Had 1 friend 2 years younger than me.

I quit retalin on my own aboute age 15. IT has always been a shame for me, hated being different. Wanted to have controll without drugs.

That whent fine, didnt seem to need the retalin any more. Afther finishing school in 2002 and starting apprentice I found my girlfriend. IT was love at frist sight for me. I was wery soscialy aqvard and asked her to be with me within hours of meting heer. We became a couple. And has been for now.

We have 3 children and our family structure has been that I work as much as I can and she wold take care of the house and kids and staying at home.

I was always using porn more or less, for stress relef, against feeling bad or just for i liked IT. I never managed to Connect with my so or children. I was short temperd lazy at home, didnt do anything around the house or interact with my children. My so has always tryed to help me with this, tryed to make me understand that my children Will hate me when They Get older and SEEs that i dont CARE about them. But I never understood, I never had good feelings aboute them or understood emotions or wanted to understand them. Emotions are stupid and weak i was thinking.

So for 15 years the only thing i gave was money no emotions no empathy no warmth

Then last year i cheated on my so.

I did for 3 months with one of her friends. IT was like porn for me. Just one more thing I should hide. Didnt se the big picture what this did to my so or children. How It would destroy their life.

My so found out and then i had a revelation. I could se and feel all the years of torture and egotism I had put on my family. It was like meeting Jesus. I was chrused, I was crying and sudenly had emotions. It was lifechanging for me. Even now my so didnt give up, she saw my change and we started working. But I wasnt any good at it. I didnt tell her all the lies in the begining. I just told her some and then some. It tok almost 6 monts before she knew everything about my cheating. It was torture for her.

I had promised to not use porn again but I stil did. I keept lying to heer. This is now the 3 time i have been caught doing porn after i cheated and swore never to do IT again.

And now i am doing everything i can to not PMO again.


This is my story