My Story

Hello!

I have been watching porn since i was around 13 years old. Pretty much got addicted right away - it was like a dream come true! there i was insecure and full of hormones i could not handle and there was all of these beautiful women looking at me. The masturbation (obviously) increased with daily consumtion of pornography. I supposed it was a way for me realasing tension and dealing with stress and anxiety. None of my parents ever talk to me about sex or anything of such nature, instead they assume everything at some flawed intuitive level. I mean imagine how much damage could have been undone had schools everywhere (i have no freakin clue how it is today i went to school in the nineties and then it was nothing) been trying to prevent and offered more understanding and help for pornaddicted teens, how many rapes would not have been averted for instance?!

Now I am 36 and just recently was made aware of how destructive porn was. A lot of things started to come to place: My ED starting at 20smt and low sexdrive and also all kinds of negative feelings such as shame, guilt and feeling powerless.

I have had many difficulties in my life that i have dealt with. Had PTSD for several years (surely helping my ED along the way perfectly) victim of bullying in school and grew up in a very disfunctional family. Never developed any chemical addiction but gambling slipped through the cracks in 2011. Being many months free from this devastating and crippling addiction i find that i kind of reduce or abolish one big addiction like gambling to find that Porn and masturbation is right there at the doorstep. It is challenging!

There have been some bright spots this year. I got a girlfriend for a first time since 2011 even though it lasted for a few months it was really something special and a very sound, compassionate and loving relationship, I could not be happier to acknowledge and see this (even though in retrospect) particularly as my social conditions & support systems has never been beneficial. Got new friends, yes kind of cucks so we fight alot but i see some potential here!

Well i hope you got something out of reading this and take care for now (have patience with my grammar since English is not my native tongue)

 

Thank you! I feel better only a couple of hours since signing up! i realize it will not be a onesided love affair more likely it is best compared as a marathon, and it feels good finally taking part in it.

By the way i did relapse earlier today so that is why i set my day-count to friday! Wanna keep things honest you know.