My Story and Goal

Sup, fapstronauts.

Newbie fapstronaut here, taking on a personal goal of quitting PMO. Please read last two paragraph for short summary if you don't feel like reading the whole thing.

Little bit about myself,

I got into law school in 2015 and finished my first year. When I entered 2nd year (this September) I felt super depressed and powerless so I made a difficult decision to quit school. I might go back one day who knows. Currently going through counselling and talking to friends/family for the first time in my life. More importantly, I am paying attention to myself, my soul, and my mental and physical health for the first time in my life and I feel as though I have been missing out so much on opportunities to take care of myself and accept help from others who were willing to help me. My depression, social anxiety, guilt, shame, and self-blame are slowly beginning to heal and I feel more empowered and confident. I can finally feel what it is like to love myself for who I am.

The reason I am on here is because I been doing some personal research and I found out about what porn addiction and masturbation does to the human brain. I have been watching more and more porn after I got into law school and masturbated more and more, around 3-4 times a day. The types of porn that I was watching got more extreme and taboo as my addiction built up. I feel this addiction was feeding into my depression, anxiety, guilt and shame. It confuses me if this addiction was fueled by my depression for me to feel happier or if this addiction was one of the main causes of my depression. This is kind of a philosophical and scientific confusion that I have, and if anyone has an insight or experience as to this, please let me know.

Anyways, I want to put an end to that vicious cycle of feeling depressed and guilty leading to porn leading to emptiness to feeling depressed again.

Another reason I am taking on this personal improvement challenge is because I suffer from delayed ejaculation, genital desensitization, and loss of interest for real-life sex. I had a girlfriend for about three and a half years until 3 days ago. We broke up. There were a lot of personal differences and issues that I won't get into, but one personal problem for me was that sex was not fun. During our relationship and sex-life, I could never reach orgasm from penetration. I reached orgasm only on one occasion from her giving me a handjob for like 30 minutes. When I watch porn and masturbate, I can orgasm in less than 5 minutes. The whole thing bothered me but I never knew the solution, or what the problem really was and I think I might have found a plausible cause and solution here on NoFap. There seems to be a lot of people who have experienced similar problems. I look forward to reading other's experiences and gaining insights and practical tips to help me with reaching my goals.

My goals here on NoFap are to refrain from PMO until full reboot, and potentially quit porn and masturbation for life. I am hoping it will help me with my depression and anxiety. I hope it will make real life sex more interesting and I hope it cures delayed ejaculation and genital desensitization. I hope, by being successful one day by one day, I will gain the confidence and motivation to tackle other addictions and take on more personal challenges for self-improvement.

NoFap is the first community forum web site that I have ever signed up for ever in my life, and I am very excited not only as a newbie fapstronaut but as a newbie online- community member to share what I am going through and giving my support who have common life struggles and goals. Thanks for reading, and all comments are welcome!!

 

Yes for sure!! Day 4 for me and I am already feeling a little better.

 

Wow 106 days, that is very impressive. I hope I will get there one day. I think humans are animals and we are meant to be happy and sad from time to time.

Taking away this addiction and artificial overstimulation will certainly bring consequences but I think there are better and more natural options of feeling happy out there such as exercising and interaction/intimacy with real people.

Thanks for sharing your experience and we can keep working towards our goals.

 

I guess graduate school can relate to law school in a way because it's a post graduate degree. For me in law school everything was so competitive and dry yet everyone else except me seems to enjoy life and everyone else seems happy.

Let us escape this addiction and discover healthy habits and hobbies to fuel our life with more natural and pure stimulants and gain real confidence and self-esteem and whatever else we might want and need to be happy and succeed in life.

Thanks for your empathy and support!