My reddit stash and shame, making a peace and change

first exposed to porn when I was 10, probably addicted thanks to my babysitter accidentally finding my uncle's playboy channel while being bored and flipping the channels, She started taking advantage of me from 10-14 i had gotten what every kid always dreamed of, to do something with their babysitter. But the problem was with after it ended, we would do it at least 2-3 times a day (had a single mother and uncle was a drunk) so we were never bothered or caught, I had finally knew what it was like to have sex, but all that did was leave a massive void inside of me which i couldn't easily fill again so i settled and just used the playboy channel that my uncle thought none of us knew he had been paying for. It was all down hill from there leading into the next yr of me getting my own desktop and seeing what the web had to offer.

Like many others here i have a stash of P saved on reddit (33pages worth).... theres no doubles, if i seen a repost it wouldn't make it into the stash..... At first it was great i would save a few each day and than remove them after i O'd to them or felt they were worthy than try to catch up come the weekend.....Then i started working and well it snowballed. Im ashamed yet its MY collection from the last 2 yrs.I honestly feel like i owe it to myself to at least skim the posts as i try to delete them,but now what happens if i change my mind and dont want to follow up with this? years of great stuff just thrown away. The time ill waste trying to find good stuff again...yet the time wasted jerking it to them is even heavier. Is it wrong of me to want to wait on removing these honestly, i think i can control myself as long as the subs are gone (which i took care of already) I enjoy the plots its entertaining to me. ....

To the point: ya most of the time i did jerk it because i felt it wasn't any harm till i noticed i would rather PMO then make love to my girlfriend...I work 12 hour shifts and its nights into mornings, her job is mornings into afternoon so during the weekdays as i get home shes leaving (sometimes we dont see each other at all during the busy season) So i would just PMO when i got home or after she left 10mins after i got home. Just seemed easier. Now after finally thinking about it i've noticed that sometimes we dont even have sex at all some weeks because i cant keep a boner and if i do its over within 5-10mins. Its not her fault she tells me she wants it or will tries to do oral but all it does is make me lose my boner, i wasnt sure why till now and it has to be PIED. What really makes me feel awful is she thinks its because im just over worked which may be the case some days but isn't. Its just easier and faster to PMO to a vid and go to sleep to start the next day. The guilt is starting to get to me, I mean im lucky enough to have a gf that wants to give oral every other day but i have no... interest in having it done because its not better than my solo work...at least thats what my brain is telling me, and dont get me wrong when i watch Vids i enjoy watching the girl do oral but for some reason when i have it done to me, im just not turned on, It feels good but i cant seem to keep it up... So im here to fix all of this, What plan/advice do you guys recommend for me from the story i've shared