I am a 29 year old pathetic porn addict. I haven't had sex in 6 years. Somedays I feel like I'm dying on the inside. I want to change. I want to feel again. I want the real thing. I'm sick of this virtual world that I have created for myself. I feel trapped like there's no way out. I feel like my friends don't like me anymore. I feel like all girls think I'm awkward. I've become a total creep. I don't know what it's like to have a girlfriend anymore. I can't picture things ever improving. My mind is numb. How will I ever live a normal life now? Maybe it's too late. Maybe the world will be a better place without me around.
Hey @Jimbo Kern, Welcome to the fight. I liked your post so that you can do more on the site, not because I think you are in a good place. I will tell you that there is hope. I was 43 before I got real about my addiction. Starting right now, do what you have to do to quit. That is anything that isn't porn.
All in this together Jimbo! You have plenty of people willing to support you when needed, you can make it through!
@Jimbo Kern Please remember this, what you are feeling is very real but feelings aren't reliable. You may feel really down on yourself and hopeless but it's not true. Hope is still there, tomorrow is still there, even if you don't feel it. Hope for better led you to NoFap where you are among friends who know firsthand your struggle and that is real. You've had 29 years to learn PMO so don't beat yourself up when, not if, you have failures, they come with the process. One day, it will get better and the desire for P will be replaced with a healthy activity. The world needs you in it so perish that thought. You haven't lived as long as you have to give up on life. There is still too much of it you haven't seen.
Thank you for the encouragement. The uncertainty of my future is what scares me. I'm a well educated individual. White people seem to be causing all of the world's problems now. I can't stop thinking about how I would be positively contributing to other minorities if I just ended my life. Maybe that's the only honorable thing left to do...
Again I say that feelings, as real as they may seem, are not reliable. There is no honor in ending your life, that's quitting your life, giving up on life, making your struggles have more priority than anybody else's struggles. That's not true. You have more in life to contribute whether you know it or not. The negative effects that are caused by trying to release P from your life is depressing you. P is the enemy. There is no race of people that causes the majority of the problems in this country or in the world. People doing bad things cause problems in this world. Choose to be a light and shine thereby offsetting the darkness. Every race has people that are guilty of wrongdoing whether you see it or not. Your views are clouded and are not focused on the real issue: P. The enemy is real but you are stronger than that. Others can believe it but is vital that you begin to believe it. Make the choice. Choose to live. Choose to be a light. Choose to release and rebuke P from your life. It may not be easy at first but there are not many things worthwhile that come easy. I can talk till I'm blue in the face but the decision has to come from you.
