My past destroys me/ Day 54

Hello everyone! I'm 24, italy, and I want to get a better life too. Thank you nofap!

My story: I started to masturbate and watch porn with 10 or 11? My opinion today: porn destroys relationships, loves and gift you a false immagination of sex. I learnt that it is not the urge to saddisfied the horniness, sex is a give to get a stronger relation with the partner by love. Porn is a lie, it is prostition. Sometimes I wished I never started it, but no one helped me to understand why porn is wrong.

Relationships: I never had friends in my youth, while watching to porn all night I found out there is a way to masturbate with real people on camera. I am ashamed that I started that too with 13 or 14. I am lucky I talked to a mature friend about that and now (with 23) I am free from it for more than a half year now.

I think I am bi but I never had a girlfriend. I started to had a first relationship with a boy when I was 22 and had sex. I liked it, I was manipolated by the feelings what caused the love.

I sometimes whished that I should had sex and relationsships earlier in my life, so that I could be more mature now. Mentally I was really immature and mindless, that I had strong desire to die lately. With nofap, I found out that all the problems in my life was porn, masturbation and the chat and sex on camera with strangers! That had a strong influence in my life, and it is the reason why I am a closed man. (still working on )

I am writing this to you for finding motivation and hope that all will get better somehow even if I struggle with trauma.

life is complicated

Now my goals for my life are:
- never watching porn, masturbating and camerasex
- strain my mind not to think about sex fantasy ect.
- having plans for the day: sport, good healthy food, drinking water and to love more, loving people, talking to people, creating good realtions with people