Hi, i don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess it's sort of like a catholic confession. Maybe I will feel better. I have 4 major addictions right now. Smoking, junk food, being lazy, and transwoman porn. 1) Junk food: I have been replacing my burgers and fries with frozen vegetables on the stove... so improvement is there, just need to keep pushing. 2) Laziness: I used to play World of Warcraft for 4+ hours a night. I've since gotten bored with it and have slowly been moving on. Now I have this strange situation where i have free time and don't know what to do with myself. (Even though I do) I know I need to update my resume and get a better job. I know I need to exercise. I have been exercising slightly more lately, but at 5'8" 200lbs i'm in a bad place physically and causally emotionally. I grimace when I look in the mirror. 3) Smoking: I'm trying to replace smoking with deep breathing (I can't meditate). It doesn't work and I smoke about 5-6 cigarettes a day. 4) transwoman porn: I've made an intro thread before about this, I might link it later. Basically I used to be totally turned off by transwomen. Now its almost exclusively what I masturbate to/fantasize about. I truly believe if I were able to quit porn I'd go back to "normal" (whatever that means). Sorry I just need to vent. My life is like driving a car spinning its wheels in the mud. TLDR: I am my own worst enemy and I don't know if the better me will ever get the upper hand.
Hi TT, Hang on in there buddy, there is light, even if its just a small glimmer at the moment you just have to keep believing. Regarding meditation, it is my one saviour and it does work you just have to keep at it.
