My NoFap story, my second post, please read.

Two months ago I brought a girl home, we will call her "Claire" we were dating for at least a month, this was the first girl I began to date and I'm 24 years old.

So to cut right to the chase we were getting comfortable, watching a movie, I made the first move and we began to kiss, then one thing led to another and we got naked but here's the thing, this was supposed to be my first time and then I thought I was gonna have sex with Claire, but I had a low erection. I was shocked, even foreplay couldn't get it up, my mind was rushing when we were about to make passionate sex, the next day we talked about this, she began to question my sexuality and after she made that assumption I went to this deep depression and the event traumatized me so much that I couldn't gain an erection for a whole week after that night. I was in such a terrible, deep morose state that the night completely shattered my confidence, I couldn't find someone to talk to about this, I tried to talk to my co-workers about this and they began to laugh, telling me that I'm probably gay and for a while I had mixed emotions and questioned my sexuality because of sexual trauma I had as a boy growing up. I eventually returned to therapy, something I stopped taking part of when I began to date Claire, thinking that she was the "one", I then confessed to my therapist that before I was dating her, I had a terrible, disturbing addiction to pornography.

For a year I was consumed to 4chan's /b/, the most fucked up and twisted side of the internet, I fapped to anything that I found arousing, Loli, hentai, adult gifs and unmentionable content that I felt guilty masturbating to. every day I would start my routine on 4chan and would turn to other sites like xnxx, it got to the point where xnxx wasn't enough so I returned to 4chan and found disgusting and pitiful images to masturbate off to, it was so bad that I would view 4chan on my living room, not in front of people but it became almost habit to view porn in shameful places forgetting that this is something you should do in private. Eventually I returned to masturbation but my faps would be depressing, climax after climax would be a feeling of guilt, loneliness and sadness; The only girl I liked ditched me and that hurt me skin deep. I would imagine and try to fantasize about being close with Claire and I would lose it and began to be in tears knowing that its not the same imagining love, feeling her close to me it was something I wanted back. "if only I could of been patient, if only I managed my addictions."

But it was too late.


I went to Claire's house to drop off some things she left at my house from that night, and I witnessed her with another guy, holding each other. I couldn't come to terms in what I saw, I felt a black ball of nothingness, I went to bed, confused as the thoughts of being replaced went through my head, I had a lack of sleep thinking about that night all day, the next day at work I began to break down. As the thought of Claire, the porn addiction and my sexuality was in my head, the feeling of total numbness began to creep on my body, I lost energy to reason. I was going insane.



The next week I took a day off on Thursday, drove to L.A. to pay for a parking ticket, it was there that I met Daria, a cute girl with long jet black hair and with a rose scent, I met her at the courthouse we began to talk when we made a lot of eye contact. we then hit it off and we went out, I began to hold her and I was shocked at the boners I was getting with Daria, it was astonishing for me because the weeks where I stopped with porn I began to gain a natural erection with Daria, something that I will confess, a firm erection lacked when I was with Claire. so I ruled out on me being gay. My trauma is gone now. Thank god, mostly because I meditate. As of now its been three days since I masturbated but now I want to partake in this challenge and do two months of NoFap.