My lifestyle makes me feel lonely and weak to rebound

I'm 40 and married, have 3 teenage kids, 2 boys of her and my daughter.
My wife is supportive about my addiction and life in general but almost every month, when her period starts, she becomes confronting and unpleasant. It is repeating pattern. I know she's passionate person who doesn't wait for life to give her opportunity but in those days she doesn't care if she steps all over me and i feel bad because of it because i feel i have to walk carefully not to give her reason to escalate her feelings of unwell onto me but most of the time is in vain because everything can be and is a trigger.

This generally makes me feel angry and sad because i know i don't deserve it, at least not in that measure. And she never says she sorry, it's like part of her nature not to say she's sorry because she says she doesn't believe in words but only in actions so she won't say it because according to her she it trying to compensate in other ways. And she really does compensate greatly on other fields of our relationship and life in genal, but as much as I try to accept that about her, that lack of her compassion just bothers me.
I know i may be sounding like weak guy who gives to much credit to his emotions, like a child would do, but i just can't help it, it just bothers me. Another thing is that when i fell desperate that way i fell so frustrated that i just want to cry it out and it bothers me because i get the feeling that it's not how the grown up man should act.
Then when her period stops she becomes really horny like nothing happened and i just doesn't feel horny, especially with her as she has stressed me so much i just don't want to be around her stressful behaving persona. I just can't feel sexual towards her as i feel we loose an emotional connection after each that fight. It's a loop that repeats itself and I'm not sure any more if I'm in a flatline because of stress or because of rebounds or because of both.
Because of all that stress i feel really lonely and prone to rebound as it gives me comfort in a way that i feel i at least have a control over my emotions by numbing them with porn. Just to be clear, i don't fap when i rebound but i do usually start to watch substitute porn images and although i never do it longer that few minutes a day, sometimes i do it few days in a row...
As a heavy porn addict, i have symptoms of anhedonia and stressing every month just doesn't give me enough time to get my sh*t together. Also i don't feel happy about my personal life in general as i work in the office 9-17 and when i get home my duty is to prepare lunch as i like to cook but in the end i don't have quality time for myself.

I really don't know what do to, my job pays above average and kids need a stable home but I'm feeling unsatisfied and depressed

 

I've recognised the pattern that bothers me: when i start to feel lonely i subconsciously get the urge to make some kind of a drama with my wife where the purpose of that drama is to reassure myself that she cares. Basically I'm co-dependent seeking a reassurances that I'm being loved. The pattern obviously co-align with dramas from my childhood where i would feel that i need to seek the attention from my parents (which is wrong cause no child should need to seek the attention of it's parents) and has stuck as needy behavior now as I'm adult.

Funny thing is that when we have those kind of fights, it's always when i feel exhausted from some life situation, which doesn't need to be so bad in general, just something i need to deal out but i rather wouldn't, like a tough period on a job or when my narcissistic ex wife tries to make somekind of a mess with my dauther but the most interesting is with porn because having a relapses and flat lines, it makes me really scary and concerned that my penis won't work and that makes me scared and therefore i need a subconscious confirmation that I'm still loved by my wife even it we don't have sex. And the part which makes me ashamed and sad is that she always tries to reassure me that it's OK if we don't have sex and that she still loves me and part of me that is unsecure just can't believe in that. Like i have deep routed feelings that i don't deserve to be loved.
That pattern also comes from early childhood as my mother used to blackmail me with her love and attention (she used to say things to me like "i won't love you if you won't behave as a good boy" where i never was a problematic child but the opposite: i was timid and fragile)

 

I have

Yes I have and yes i did. I do understand them and patterns they have brought from their own childhood. I don't use them as an excuse for my current feelings, quite opposite, i feel that i need to recognise all of those patterns which they have thought me so i can break the patten and move on. My parents were good people who just tried to do their best. Could have they done better? Maybe. Does it matter now if they could? No

 

Will do. Do you have any source recommendation?