My Introduction (might have triggers)

I am a 31 year old male. Apologies if this gets a bit long but I feel like exploding if I don't put this into words for someone to read since I never confessed to anybody in my life about this.

I am currently a Law student and was doing only that and working a few bucks here and there, working as an intern. Last month I got a good opportunity to start a new job, which I hope starts in the next couple weeks, and I guess this helped trigger my panic.

I was doing the deed as usual, just everywhere, every day, multiple times without much thought. Bath time. Sleepy time. Both at my friends house and my parents house that I visited during the holidays. After I returned home to my internship (I share a house and even bedroom with some folks), I found that my bedroom mates are still on vacation. Instantly the "faptime" trigger went off.

After a few days of binging, it finally dawned on me. I have a huge problem. I am addicted. It's not a phase. I cannot remember a single period in my life that I wasn't masturbating and/or watching porn.

The earliest sexual experience that I can accurately date is around 7-8 years old. I only know this because I googled the air date of a specific TV show that I used to watch at the time and started mimmicking adults kissing and grabbing legs with my cousin (she's 1-2 years younger than me). Whenever we felt like it we would ask each other to "do a long kiss like the grownups" until we got caught and never spoke of it again.

Around the same time we got our first family computer, a second hand one with Windows 95. I was always a curious person since I was a kid so, while meddling with every single folder and application (there was no internet connection) I found explicit content and website shortcuts from the previous user. Instead of telling my folks, I simply "confronted" the previous owner and I guess he panicked and made an excuse to go to my house and removed it. Luckily for me he didn't do anything else.

I'm not going to lay down all my life story in one post, so basically I had interest in porn and masturbation since an early age. I didn't even know I could use my hand yet but I was already experiencing orgasms. Been doing it ever since. Before going to Law school I was deadstuck at a terrible job, living alone, working late and spending midnight to dawn, playing games, watching porn and jerking off while high. Delving into worse and worse content.

After I started my studies I have quit marijuana and the extreme content, but the guilt of doing those things just hit me like a freight train all at once years later. What if I can't be normal ever? What if I can't find love, because I would never be able to be truthful about my past? I even started to think about my cousin. Not in a bad way, but I started to question if her life is also influenced by that curious thing we did in the past, is she normal? Did she handle that well or I just helped her ruin her life also? We didn't get separated after the incident and sort of connected like normal cousins, but after we grew up we grew apart so I don't know.

I am interested in seeking literature about the long term effects and/or effects on brain development from a young age. Any help would be appreciated.