My hope for 2024

Another year, an eclipse before me.
And here I am again, doing all of the things I chose to do this year, yet failing all the same. Some parts of me hate myself for it, some parts are just quiet, and some parts just don't care as long as it is easy. I think I lost the part where I was angry and there was a fire or hunger for better things, but that hasn't changed for the longest part. I see myself in the past, going through the same phases as I had while not growing personally or professionally. I refuse to do this the same this year.
I MUST ACKNOWLEDGE MY FAILURES, ONLY THEN CAN I BECOME BETTER
Not gonna lie, my mind is a bit clear after busting one (DON'T FUCKING DO IT). Regret it? I do. But to write this all in all honesty clear my thoughts and not get cluttered.
I believe I have found some things which make me rely on fap while reflecting a lot in these past months.
1. Coping mechanism - I am not a user of any kind of drug or alcohol, but my reflection has made me see the things, i refused till now. This is one of them. For every bad emotion, for every bad fight, for arguments, for running away from emotional stress, i used FAP as an excuse to run away. I guess this is what makes it so hard to leave. FAPPING is the least resistant path you can take, it costs nothing expensive, and it burns time, but it's better to waste time not thinking about the feeling that is bugging you. Bunch of pixels in the alone room and you are free. But are you free? It's not freedom, it's running away. Now I am not gonna say, that I have it all cleared up in my head, I have yet to still, find better ways. I hate alcohol, more so now than i have in the past. So I trust myself to not take this easier and dreadful path and be better.
2. Bored, holed in the room, not going outside and stuff. - This is pretty much constant in my story. Even in the past and even in now. Both times i was preparing for an exam and could go much outside due to preparation. I can't really get rid of it, unless i decide to get out of this. I have a shot coming in February. I am not gonna blow it.
3. Failing at your goals, Procrastination - Pretty self-explanatory. You fail and you feel like shit, so you want to feel better, what can give you that feeling in the least amount of time? Yeah, you know the answer.
4. Not thinking straight, no impulse control - Dont remember when was it that i gave it a good thought and was able to control what I am about to do. Just going into the motions and doing what i didn't do.
5. Social Media (Twitter, Youtube etc) - Cant stress enough how triggering these platform can be if you are not careful. Now i understand, I will be never be free of the explicit content. It will show up one way or another, whether i scroll, get recommended or not. But i have to train my inner self to not be influenced. Its hard, i know. More then ever for me but i have to do this.
6. SELF- HATE/ TOXIC SELF TALK etc. - Now, not every time i talk badly abbout myself in my head, but it is frequent when i do indulge in fapping, i tend to do so. and many times the thought, "Well, You are Shitty anyway, might as well do it again" That kind of reasoning is fucked up beyond measure. I never really know if i will ever be free, but I have to try, be better.


I guess that's pretty much all i the issues i have at the moment. So i guess, i have some starting point.

What i want to do come next year - Main Focus - 10 things
1. Clear the professional Goal this year. - It is on utmost preference, I must do this, and get out of this loop.
2. Focus on my Health. - So, had a full body checkup done. 90% of tests were fine. Except for one. it made me realize that I have been neglecting my body for the longest time. So I am gonna start with early morning jogs and then build it from there. After this exam is over, join a gym with buddies and get my body straight. I feel weak as hell.
3. Pick up badminton - I loved that sport, ever since I was a child. But after you get burdened by things, I stopped playing it. So I will find a club or community to play it with. It is always fun to have a fun match.
4. Pick up my guitar, and learn it seriously for this time - Hear a joke, have a guitar for more then 10 years, got it as a gift, and never seriously learned it. Yeah its waste of resource on my part. But come this year, why the hell not? Having a musical instrument to learn and investing time innit does feel like a waste of time.
5. Read the books i have - I have books i bought by seeing some motivational videos. Oh, its an impulsive choice. I never really did complete them. Might as well complete them. Who knows, if i complete this habit, maybe i would wanna read more books later down the line.
6. Stoicism - For the better part of 2023, i was doing great with implementing stoicism in my life, until some unpleasant episodes happened and i fell off. It was easier to deal with thoughts when principles of stoicism was a part of life, ever NOFAP. So i so no reason why I shouldn't develop it again.
7. Build Self-Descipline - It's an issue, and I have no excuse for it. It's a really important trait that I have never been able to get right. I can't go on longer with my journey if it doesn't build this mindset.
8. Socialize more - I don't know how, but i will try. I am not a party-going guy, like those, clubs and all that jazz, this party that party etc. But i guess, going out more an d exploring new things and perspectives is always a good thing for me.
9. Meditation- As a part of daily routine. It is a necessity now more than ever, With how fast everything is now these days, people crave information and easy dopamine hits all around. Sometimes, its better to pause and Self-Reflect to be with self, look within.
10. BE BETTER - "THERE IS NO GRAND DESIGN. NO SCRIPT. ONLY THE CHOICES YOU MAKE." This quote has resonated me for the quite some time. I must make better choices. For the sake of Myself and my future. I MUST BE BETTER.

If you are still here, then I thank you very much for reading what I had to stay. Please feel free to comment anything or any advice you have on you. Here's to entering a new era!

 

Thanks for your input. Will do just that. Having goals always visible in some capacity does help to stick to them.

 

Thanks a lot man!

 

Thanks man, i hope things works out for you as well.