Hey guys, I've had a counter for over a year and to be honnest, I haven't been fully clean all the time. Sometimes I forgot to restart it when I relapsed, other times it was on purpose because I was ashamed. Other times I kept it going because I didn't fully "PMO", only PM... But we all know I was lying to myself. The last 4 weeks have been particularly heavy in my life. My grandma died unexpectedly and my girlfriend had to stay home for illness and she had an emergency surgery 2 weeks ago. I don't really want to go into details, but she's fine now and will be able to go back to work next week. Combined with that, lot's of school work on my end. It's been a challenge trying to keep it all together, but one of the good things that came up from this is a lack of opportunity for me to sit down and watch P. If nothing happened, I'm sure I'd still be lying to myself and keeping a 1-2/week PMO frequency. Now I haven't been watching any P for officially 3 weeks today, which is quite a big deal for me. 2 things made it possible for me: 1- as unfortunate as it is, having my girlfriend at home 24/7 made it quite difficult for me to engage into PMO. I never PMO'ed while she was home and I don't ever intend in doing that even though she says she's ok with it (I doubt she's 100% ok with it though). And of course, taking care of her was my no.1 priority, so I was around her 99.9% of the time. 2- listening to this podcast from Art of Manliness with Duana Welch. Around 20:00 mins in she makes the case that "married people freely use masturbation to keep the spark alive in the relationship" because they understand that it is impossible to have the exact same libido as your partner for 50 years. It makes sense to me, and knowing that people are doing that to keep their relationship fiery comforted me. NOTE here that she also makes the case that pornography IS detremental to relationship in most of the cases. To put it simply: if your partner is not in the mood to have sex, you can masturbate, but don't watch porn because your desire for your partner will most likely fade away. I think I can live with that. Finally, even though 3 week's a success for me, I don't feel totally "cured" yet. I'm still craving porn from times to times. Next objective is of course, 30 days porn-free, and then 60 and 90 days after that!! What do you guys think?
Sorry to hear about your loss. It's tough to get yourself back up when you're going through tough times. 3 weeks is an excellent start. The whole journey is a roller-coaster ride; you never know how you will feel today or tomorrow. Give yourself some more time and you will see benefits. Does your gf know about your addiction? Telling her might greatly help your rebooting. Good luck!
Hey, thanks! She knows I'm trying to quit it, but we haven't discussed it much. I don't think I've ever told her it was an "addiction" as such. Probably because I fear what would be her reaction. Until now, it didn't do any harm between us, but I don't want to find out of course. Temptation is present more than ever at the moment. I feel the need to "evacuate", my penis's just like: "HEY, I'M THERE!! USE ME!". I haven't M in a week, I still feel weird doing that in the bathroom. Maybe I should talk to her about this, but I don't feel the moment's right. For the time being, I have to be there for her and think about her needs before mine. It's really hard on her. It's hard to be sure everything's stable. She's seing the doctor again in 2 weeks and we'll know more. I'm sorry to blabber about my life here, but I need to express myself a bit. I've put my life on pause for the last month to be there for her. I love her and I'll continue as long as it takes. She knows that and she's really thankful. But it's starting to be hard on me too. When she has pain or she cries, I'm doing my best to be there for her, but I still feel powerless. I wish she could get better faster. But we just need to be patient. Her's sister's a nurse and she's checking on her regularly. Overall, my girlfriend's healing just fine. It's just a hard moment to go through.
The power of this addiction comes from secrecy. If your gf really loves you, she will understand the struggle you are going through. You need to tell her that it is an addiction and you will need her help to get out of it. You can talk to her after she's healthy again. Always remember that one of the withdrawals include "fake libido" where you feel extremely horny and feel like needing a release but it's a trap of the addicted mind. This forum is about sharing whatever you want and that's what make you feel better and makes the recovery easier. Hang in there during the tough times. Good luck!
