Hello guys, Im feeling like complete crap right now and I dont know if its completely from the relapse (3 times over a course of a few hours), but I do think it is making what im going through a lot harder. My first streak was 41 days, I remember not having anxiety after the first week, although it was being replaced by episodes of mild depression. I developed a freak eye rash somehow and started freaking out about it (i have a past history of having hypochondria) after i relapsed (to release tension) It felt wonderful im not going to lie, it made me super relaxed and even the day after i felt decent, but today i feel like complete shit, i have no energy, my stress levels are high, anxiety is way up, im worrying about everything at once, and its really hard to control and talk myself down. I'm wondering if anybody else relapse has been this bad for them. All this compeletly sucks, and i want to blame it on the eye rash, because i had plans for myself as soon as i got back into town from 2 weeks of lame work to sit down, turn off my computer and tv and spend a week in meditation. And now it seems like that wont happen because i cant even calm myself to a decent state. I feel depressed, anxious and stressed all at the same time. I just hope tommorrow will be easier Do you guys think this has something with dopamine, i mean for all my stress and stuff? I really hope this passes soon
Hey zenpool, sorry to hear about your relapse. It seems everybody is relapsing these days because of stress. I too relapsed at 86 days because of stress from tests and studies. I think you shoulf not think about the relapse at all because if you dwell on it long enough you will relapse again and it will only make you more sad and depressed. They way you react to a relapse is very important as it sets the mood for the future of your reboot so dont beat yourself up. Treat it like a thing of the past and move on.
^ agreed. It's a tough journey man. Screwing up is part of it. But don't let it get to you. Focus on the victories, like getting to 41 days (which is awesome btw), or the positive feelings you gain from cutting all the crap out of your life. Key is to just take it as a stumbling block, reset and keep going. There's no need to focus on the bad things just learn from them. What else helps is filling up that time which would normally be filled with PMO. Exercise is a good filler because it gives you the same sort of shot of dopamine as PMO would. Hope you're ok dude.
Your not alone, I just relapsed after 31 days. I just feel complete disappointment in myself. Still, the fight goes on. Slips are part and parcel of addiction. The next time one seems imminent we will be able to avoid it much easier. Stay strong and keep going.
No thackeray! That makes me sad. Did you relapse once? Don't go into a binge now and keep it going, just restart all over again. Passing the 1 month mark is really hard, guys usually relapse after that time. What made you relapse?
I agree with Clumsy - shock! lol - there does seem to be a barrier around one month. I relapsed at 28 days twice and 35 days before I embarked on my current odyssey.
thanks for you support guys, i just woke up and i still feel bad but maybe a little less, My advice to everyone is dont give in to pressure and PMO just because youre stressed, Yes it helps for a bit but it will bite you in your ass and make you even more stressed. Believe me this wont happen again. oddly enough my goal date this time happens to be on my birthday so this should help me keep my goal in mind
I think it's partly that I keep thinking that at Day 90 I can just go back to pmo again. Reaching day 30/31, I let my guard down, caught a music video that left me aroused and this morning I was back to the porn again. After that, my mind has been going a bit bonkers, the chaser affect. I've experienced this in gambling addiction too. You follow up after feeling the high, wanting more and more. Today I've jerked off 3 times and feel like a bit of a dick, but I don't think my mind has been ready to commit to the full 90 days and I've still felt I was letting go of something that's been part of my life for years. In reality, all I'm letting go of is an addiction to porn and masturbation. I need to let that sink in. Do I feel any better for having masturbated? No. I feel pretty rough actually. It's fucking stupid. Yes, I've failed and it was dumb but in the back of my mind has been uncertainty and still a longing to go back to porn. That's the truth. I would have hit 90 days and probably gone back. I wasn't ready. This slip may have helped actually though, as now I feel I really don't want to go back to it for realizing how dumb it all is. Next few days will be tough, as I've let that poison back in. Wish me luck.
Hmmmm..Careful Clumsy. I haven't turned out that bad, mate. Yet, it's been a hindrance in my life, yes. I will do better this time, my good doctor. This slip will certainly be a big motivator.
