my femdom story

TRIGGER WARNING****
MY FEMDOM STORY

let me tell me about myself how this all started....I hope you are okay to hear my story and i haven't told this to anyone till this date i think it was at the age of 12 i started getting attracted toward feet...i used to admire my class teacher's feet...i purposefully used to drop my pen near to her feet and so that i could able to touch her feet while picking up my pen and i used to fantasize about worshiping my teacher's feet...then later i started to admire my class girl's girl's feet and then my interst shifted towards the ass part and this all happened before smartphone even exist and even the internet wasn't that popular...so i had this in my head since my childhood days..then at the age 14 my dad got me nokia 2700 classic and i started to get into the internet at first somehow i randomly started watching beach babes who used to show their sexy physique and i started getting attracted towards that but then one day in youtube i searched facesitting and i found many videos regarding that and i started watching those videos...the girls on those videos used to sit on guys face and make them suffocate and i started enjoying that...at that time my friends used to form a group and watch hardcrore porn or vanilla porn which i dont even enjoy but i used to fake it infront of them as if i like it but in reallity i didn't...at that time the thing i liked was facesitting and feet worship...then for two years i studid in hostel and i didn't get the chance to watch those videos but still we watch normal porn with friends and even i get turned on by watching massage videos and after two before entring into my college i got my first smartphone and then oneday i came to know about pornhub and i started watching bdsm where girls used to tie a guy and beat the shit out of him and i kinda liked it...and i was watching those videos full night and i shifted to the humiliation category where girls used to tease guys verbally to kiss their feet and then i shifted to facefarting...whenever someone fart in my class everyone closes their nose including me coz it stinks but i like watching those videos behind a screen but i didnt enjoy it in reality though..but at that time i didn't feel ashamed and later i started watching toilet slavery urinal videos and then comes the most disgusting part i started watching scat videos and i started to fantasize being my school girl's toilet but i didn't mastubate to porn videos..after watching it i just sleep and i get wet dreams in the morning ..i started masturbating only ath age 20 till then i used to get only wet dreams when i sleep..it was at the age 20 i got a new girlfriend and after 1 year of relationship one day she came into my room...she's quite dominant in nature and i have never told her about my weird fetishes but she lets me kiss her ass and worship her feet i think she liked it a little coz i used to kiss her entire body from head to toe so she didn't find it strange i guess..one night i was staying in her room and she was sleeping it was at midnight 1 0' clock i went inside her washroom and locked inside and i kissed her toilet but it was clean though but i was fantasizing myself and fapped to it still i find that disguisting but we used to hug kiss everytime and i even get turned through that i didn't have PIED and then after a couple of months we broke up coz it wasn't working out between us...then i started to drink alcohol and smokeup weed and i used to watch disguisting femdom videos and fap to it atleast 5-6 times a day and i lost a lot of weight...i went from fit to skinny coz of smoking weed and fapping a lot and brain was too much addicted to porn and one day i found dom sessions in twitter and i went for the first time and tbh i didn't like it at all and i didnt cooperate with her though and then again after a couple of months i did take a session again from a girl...faceslapping,feetlicking,facesitting,human furniture,body trampling and i wasn't enjoying it as well before going into that room i thought of also trying toilet slavery but while i was taking slaps from her i was getting irritated and she even asked me if she wants to spit on me and i told her straight away no and i'm glad i didnt take toilet slavery sessions from coz i would have regretted for the rest of my life but then the same night i met with a bike accident and i knew instead of worshipping jesus christ i worshipped a dom and that got me into this accident but thank god i survived... and then after going back to mu hometown i started going to the gym and started eating properly i then quit alcohol,drugs for 9 months straight but i didn't stop fap...i reduced it though from 5 times a day to 2 time a day and then 5 times a week...but i gained a lot of muscle in those nine months and i started getting attention from girls and even many started to ask me are you a cop or are you serving in army and words like that motivated me to hit the gym even more and i started to have a crush on a girl from my church but i didn't have the confidence to go upto her and talk and even she had a crush on me but due to lack of confidence i didn't talk to her but i stalked her in social medias then after 15 months she sent me follow request in instagram and that gave me the confidence that she is interested in me and so i texted her in instagram that i wanna meet her and she agreed to it and we went on a date and it was at that time where i found an app called brainbuddy in appstore for community who watch more porn and subscribed to it and and then being with her made me to stay away from porn quity easily...i started enjoying her touch and after a month we got commited and for the first time i stayed away from porn for 72 straight days and i didn't get the temptaion and started enjoying the kiss and hug from my girlfriend and she is my angel..but after 72 days due to some work i went out of station for 1 month away from my girlfriend i started missing her due to stress i fapped and i did 7 times in 12 days but after coming back to her i stayed clean in july month for 27 days and it was on 28th day i relapsed...july 30th she went to a far away place from where i stay for studies and she'll be back only on january but we facetime daily but this august month i have relapsed only twice so far...she is very much interested to make love with me coz in physique i look like a fitness model but i'm scared if i can't satify her she'll breakup with me coz i dont like normal sex...but i have changed a lot compared to how i was in 2017...i used to relapse 6 times a day...but now in past 193 days i have relapsed only 21 days and that itself is an improvement
i think watching pov videos changed me a lot but now i don't smoke up...i hit the gym regularly and i eat proper nutrition and i dont eat junk food and i keep myself in good shape and i'm even working on myself to stay a minimalist life...my only feary part is if i can have a normal sex like everyone coz i love my gf so much and she loves me too she is not dominant like my ex in nature...she is so soft and sweet and i want to change myself for her and my temptation has decreased a lot in these past 5 months but i want to chnage myself into having normal and build some self confidence coz i can't admit this part to my gf coz nobody can understand this part of us other than our community
and i'm a 24 year old guy and i hope it's not too late to change myself from this weird fetish...but i have developed the capacity to stay away from porn for 72 days and 29 days later again and today i'll be completing my 12 day clean porndays so i think my brain has rewired a little and even last few times i relpased i didn't enjoy that relapse ,it was a very weak orgasm unlike 5 months back where i completely lose myself during the relapse so i think the rewiring process has went well...what's your take on this???

 

yesterday a cazy incident happened..i was in a shopping mall and there was a thai spa in the last floor and i went in to get a massage from thai girl and that girl told me that she even offers service...i was very curious to see if i can perform actual sex and i decided to take it...she started off with massage and i had a little boner at that point and it went for 25 mins and then she told me lets fuck...she was looking good in physique and even i'm muscular and she asks me if i'm a gym coach or competing in bodybuilding and after she took of her dress she told me to remove mine and i did so...but i didn't get any erection..she even was rubbing her b**** on mine and she was sucking mine and she was giving me a blow job but it wasn't getting me turned on then i started imagining the femdom scenes that i had with my ex 2 years back and i was able to get a little boner and it didn't last long...she started shagging my dick to get my erection but eventually i orgasm with a non erected dick and it was a very weak orgasm and i felt very embarassed...coz ED has never been a problem for me...i have an awesome dick and a muscular body...whenever me and my gf share kisses i used to get full erection and now we are in a long distance relationship so we used to do dirty talk through phone and even then i get full erection but yesterday was something that has never happened with me...i'm not sure if it is because she was not my gf that i didn't get the erection or is it because i was doing it in mall that made me nervous or is it because femdom thoughts are so much filled in my brain but then i was able to get erection when i kissed my gf...i'm really confused..has anyone went through this phase

 

i have taken this femdom porn seriously and have been trying to stay away and i have stayed clean for 220 days in last 250 days...the temptation has reduced for sure but whenever i find myself watching again i get carried away and start watching again and also i'm still submissive in person..i hit gym regularly and take good care of myself and i look superfit in person but still it didn't increase my confidence level and i'm unable to increase my confidence and masculinity...


so this time i'm going to play this game in a different way...imo counting the number of clean days is not going to change you into a better person and not going to get rid of femdom thoughts nor going to increase your masculinity so this time as your always keeping the porn thoughts in your mind so you are always justone step closer to start watching porn again...i'm planning to switch to mma training from this month instead of renewing my gym membership...i believe mma keepy myself busy and can make me get me out of my comfort zone,overcome my fear,increase my self confidence,be more social and most importantly get me away from being submissive and increase my masculinity and also make me deal my life problems like a man..