I know that I am addicted to porn, I know that it is bad to be addicted. I know porn is bad for me, I don't really need special lectures. PMO has destroyed me, I know I would become better if I quit, yet I continue to watch PMO'g. My brain is stupid, I know this thing is bad, while not just quit! Why do I still allow my feelings to control me? One week in, one week out, the circle continues. Why is my brain fighting against me? Why do I enjoy instant gratification? Why is my body anxious because I have not watched porn? Why wouldn't I just quit? PMO has brought with it other addictions: frustration over little things, low self esteem: I seem to be the best idiot on earth often times, depression, you know that feeling that you are just down, and nothing about life excites again. Why Is my brain this stupid? I have betrayed my entire existence because of this PMO'g. Being a perfectionist hasn't helped much matters. I want to quit PMO, yet my brains is telling me that I enjoy this! How come I can't just get this NoFap shit done? To hell with feelings, I am gonna take a cold shower, and sleep, let me see how tomorrow would be, but from experience, tommorow or the next my be the day, I would accept the same old devil or maybe not....?
I won't comfort you by telling you that you are not. But you are clearly not the only one. You relapse each time, because you are mentally weak. PMO will make that felling of mental weakness stronger each time. You failed to win this fight on your own and that's why you are here. Whatever you are facing, you are not facing it alone. You have friends here that are facing the same monster and understand what you go through. Maybe finding an AP partner is the way to go.
Firstly you need to get a positive mindset. This may be difficult, I know because you are thinking an addicted brain and it is hard to change it, but all people in here, we try to do it. We want our best shape of ourselves, porn symptoms or withdrawal symptoms can be tough, I know. And you are not alone, a lot of people experienced like you situations. I personally experienced and I am still experiencing. In a reboot, there are too many ups and downs, be prepare it and learn from your relapses. My serious first serious attempts to quit porn about 2013 and this is where I am. Relapses are boring I literally know that. But every fail is an experience and you should try to get up again, again and again. Don't let be your dreams to be dreams. Reconsider your life, what are you doing a day? How do you use 24 hours? If you can do it, everything will easier. Life will be going more normal. I had some streaks like 30, 60, 90, 10 minutes -yes 10 minutes because Everytime I promised to myself but I wasn't going too much. And I relapsed in 5 months I had too many numerous streaks in more than 5 years. And I still feel the effects of PMO. Remember this from AA : "Once an addict, always an addict." Too many of us have years of porn use, how can we expect healing quickly? This was one of my biggest mistake. But we can control this addiction and we can get better. We CAN do it! Just stay strong. And everytime try one more time.
Thank you for your comment, I a. Thank you for your comment, I am relatively new here, please how do I add more people to my AP group? I would need people like you as AP.
Thank you for your words, they mean a life, I want to add people like you to my AP conversation, I need to get my life fixed. I was able to overcome yesterday, now today, I am depressed again, I hope I put through, I would read through your journal now.
Actually,you do enjoy it. It feels good. But lots of things that feel good are bad for us. You need to quit. Nobody said this was easy, they just said it was worth it.
Sounds like your an addict. This is good and bad news. The bad news is you potentially have a disease that makes it near impossible to stop and once you do stop makes it near impossible to stay stopped in your own, with sheer will power. The good news is there’s hope. Ever since the 1930s (and actually even earlier) there has been a solution outlined that has been working for millions of addicts. It is actually laid out really well in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. There are stories from doctors and addicts within the first 58 pages that talk about exactly what your going through. They also talk about why self will and will power doesn’t work for someone with the disease of addiction. And they also start talking about the solution. It’s strange, I read the Big Book many times in the last 10 years as it relates specifically to “alcohol,” but only in the last few weeks with my newest addiction that I’m willing to be honest about (PMO), I was able to see how my PMO addiction is identical to the alcoholics talked about in that book.
Well, lots can’t write all of it down but there’s a lot of hope in it. I learned I’m not alone and then I learned a solution on how to stay sober. Reading chapters 1-4, you will potentially see how similar you might be to the people in the book. Here’s a link to the online free version https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous
