Hello everyone, I am gradually recovering from my eight year long PMO addiction. For the first time, I have remained absolutely clean for 40 days. I am on my 42nd day today. But, you know, I still have impulses and urges time and again. I want to share an incident........ It was my 40th day running......I was tired the whole day due to work. After finishing my assignments, I went to bed at 11 PM at night. I got dozed off anyway. But, all of a sudden, I suddenly awoke at 12:00 AM midnight with a very strong urge to watch porn. Actually, I had imagined little bit of having sex with my wife in future before falling into sleep. I quickly got out of my bed, took my cell phone, and opened a porn site. ALAS!!! After 40 days of abstinence, I was opening porn site for the first time....... I didn't watch any videos. But, just kept on strolling and edging for the next 25 minutes. After that, I realized something, and closed it....and tried to sleep. I suddenly woke up in the morning at around 4:30 AM; which was my meditation time on regular basis. This time, I don't know, what my brain went into....instead of doing mediation and all, I lied on my bed and opened a porn site again....this time also, I just edged for next half an hour...but did not watch videos. I didn't masturbate and orgasm either. I quitted it after 30 minutes and quickly refreshed myself. I know I haven't relapsed. But, I got a setback, a strong urge.....a bad time in my journey. Now, I believe that there will be many challenges on and off during this journey. But, every time, I have to remain fully committed. One more thing that I accept is, I will never try to be perfect in this process...even if I accidently or due to setbacks come across those pictures and videos...so sometimes, I myself opened those sites, I will try my best to realize and stop at my best. But, my journey of recovery and my journey of abstinence will continue....I will keep going up.... Thank you.
