Motivation

What keeps you motivated? I'll talk about what keeps me motivated for recovery when I answer question 3. What keeps me motivated outside of recovery is several things. I have a young daughter (under 2) and a very caring wife. They give me real, true love on a daily basis. It's inspiring and I try my best to return the love in any and every way I can. I have a good, solid job that provides my family with many things that not everyone gets to have or experience - I don't take it for granted. I have several talents, athletic and artistic, that require dedication and practice to stay at a very high level. I have no desire to waste my talents or watch them fade away. I have a fantastic circle of friends who are interesting, funny and genuinely give a shit about me and my family. These are just a few things off the top of my head that keep me motivated in life.

What can your loved ones do to support you? The same things I can do for them: Try to sincerely listen and understand as best they can. Try to be supportive without sacrificing their own well-being. Sometimes I just need to rant and let out some frustration - by the end of my rant I've already figured out my problem and the solution - having someone to talk to is helpful and it can be a burden for them to listen to ranting, so I journal here almost everyday. That gives me an opportunity to sort things out without burdening my wife or friends.

How do you stay engaged in recovery? I read and journal on this site almost everyday. I meditate twice a day for 15 mins each time. I keep myself educated on depression/anxiety and cognitive behavior therapy. I went to a therapist to work on my depression and anxiety, which was the underlying cause of my PMO addiction. My journal is how I keep myself accountable. If I'm having struggles in a certain area, I write about it openly and honestly. I try to welcome the people who are new to this site. I try to answer as best I can when someone is asking for help. Helping others is just as beneficial and engaging as journaling my own issues. My history included webcam cybersex and chat so I've disabled the PM feature of my profile here and I don't keep a spam email account anymore, since those features gave me tempting thoughts early in my recovery. I take recovery very seriously and have dedicated myself to it. For me it's not just about abstaining from PMO - it's about being a mentally and emotionally healthy adult for myself and my family. Eliminating any addiction or unhealthy practice in my life is just a part of that.

Unfortunately you are not going to be able to steer your partner's recovery. He can only learn to build healthy self-esteem via his own motivations. You are asking the right questions and I know this must be very painful for you. I essentially had 2 specific moments that were my rock bottom. The first was when my wife sat me down and told me she knew something was up. She didn't know exactly what it was, but she explained that I didn't seem "present" most of the time, that I was irritable, and that our sex life had diminished terribly. She told me that she couldn't continue the relationship if things were going to continue like that. I didn't admit to the PMO then, but I did promise to change. And I did, for about 10 months or so. I slowly got back into PMO except every time I did it (almost daily), I was so worried about fucking up my marriage that I began to have panic attacks. The first panic attack was my rock bottom, almost exactly 2 years ago. I didn't find out about NoFap and learn about dopamine addiction until about 6 months ago. Today is Day 122 with no P, M, and only O with my wife. I have changed completely. What keeps me from relapsing is that my beliefs changed. I used to think that M was some necessary body maintenance for men, like cutting your fingernails or something. I used P to make M more interesting. Once I abstained from P and M for a few weeks, I realized that M wasn't at all necessary, and was in fact the cause of many problems for me. Once that belief changed, it became much easier to abstain from M and P urges dissolved away. Since then I've been mostly cleaning up Psubs I'd been viewing out of habit without even realizing. It's crazy how much of my day was spent on keeping the PMO cycle going.

I hope this gives you a little insight into my specific story. Everyone's story is different, and everyone's reboot experience is unique. I hope for success for you and your partner. You certainly deserve it for your caring efforts. Good luck!

 

Wow man i was about to reply to this post but then i read your answer and oh my, i couldnt have said it better!
Even more, you motivated me. Although im doing great right now, reading this pushed me another step forward. Thanks man