Months without porn- still can't perform

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Softy, Nov 28, 2018.

  1. Softy

    Softy New Fapstronaut

    4
    2
    3
    58 yo. Jerked off to porn daily for decades because wife didn't want sex- got addicted. Got rock hard- cumming felt great.

    New relationship- lots of sex. I've been off porn for about 4 months. I've lost the urge to jerk off- so I don't. I save it for my GF.

    I get hard when we kiss but as soon as I try to enter her my dick goes dead. Same thing when she puts it in her mouth. So now I use Blue Pill. Can only stay hard in her mouth. Cumming doesn't feel nearly as good as jerking off to porn. I feel doomed. What the hell is going on?
     
  2. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

    260
    400
    63
    That seems a little weird to me...

    You’re able to get an erection with a kiss...

    That would indicate a healthy brain and penis. But then you lose your erection afterwards?

    If your penis gets hard from a kiss then I would say that it is safe to say that you’re rebooted.

    The only explanation that I can think of is that maybe it’s a mental problem of yours? If you’re worried about it and always thinking “ahh shit, my dick is gonna go soft” then maybe that’s the reason. All I can say is ditch the blue pill, you don’t wanna become dependant on that and continue with no porn and masturbation.

    I had slight PIED and still do to some extent.
    I seem to have the opposite of what you’re describing.
    I don’t get hard from kissing or looking. But when it comes to the actual sex I manage to muster up maybe a 75% erection. Which isn’t great but I’m able to have satisfying sex.
     
  3. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Some people take longer than others.

    I can't claim to have an answer as to what is going on, but if you avoid all porn and masturbation, it will get better. You may need to avoid all orgasms for a while - some people find it slows their recovery. There's lots more info here and at https://www.yourbrainonporn.com .
     
  4. Trappy7

    Trappy7 Fapstronaut

    24
    48
    13
    You need more time. That's all. Maybe a year, but it will get better
     
  5. BartlebytheScrivener

    BartlebytheScrivener Fapstronaut

    242
    165
    43
    I have a lot of experience with having a hard on when kissing but then we it is necessary, nothing works.

    So I understand this right: you take the blue pill, but you only get hard when she puts it into the mouth?

    That is strange indeed. the blue pill should help you get erection when you are aroused. I'd expect you to be aroused even after you remove it from her mouth to stick it in.

    If that is the case, the only idea I have is that you are still suffering from PIED and have a strong blowjob fetish. could that somehow be the case?

    It can't be that you have physical problems, because otherwise you would never get hard. the blue pill is for physical and psychological reasons.

    How does your partner deal with this?

    I wish I had a good idea, I really feel for you. You did a lot to make things work out again and now this. Please keep us updated.
     
  6. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,203
    2,851
    143
    I'm not going to bother to read any of the responses, but I will tell you what is going on.

    Anybody that knows anything about computer programming will most certainly appreciate this analogy. Everything in your brain, short of primal behaviors and life sustaining mechanisms is programmed into the brain. For example, you're not programmed to breathe. Your brain knows how to breathe, beat your heart, regulate your body temperature, etc. Your sexual activity? It is programmed, and you programmed it.

    Computer programs execute lines of code systematically and sequentially. You have systematically programmed your brain to respond to anything/everything in your PMO path. If you stop and wrote down the ritualistic process you used to PMO, you'd create quite a longe list of steps (i.e. lines of code). Run that program enough, and it is solidified in ROM (that memory that is Read Only Memory, because you have hard coded it into your brain). It's like the BIOS in your computer. The BIOS is hard coded. Does that mean you cannot change it? No, it doesn't. It means you have a much more difficult, complex process, to change it.

    So what is the best way to fix it. For starters, the first obvious step is "Stop running the program". The program you are running is like malware. It has malicious in it's destructive output. The next step is to clear out your ROM or memory. Some people call it "brain fog". The best approach to doing this is abstain from any/all of it for 90 days (Sometimes more, but I never advocate less). Here, you're interest is in loosening the connections that your brain has on your PMO activity. The longer you do away with PMO, the more those neural pathways get overwritten with newer information. If you've ever paid attention to recovery of data on a HDD, you know that the moment you delete something, it doesn't mean it is no longer there. It means you have removed the pointer to access it. With the right tools and the right know how, you CAN retrieve it. You can retrieve any previous memory stored in your brain if you so choose to do so. You have to make the determination you no longer want to retrieve the PMO behavior. So clear out your memory, and then, then, begin rewriting new information to overlay the existing neural pathways so that your thought process is no longer on PMO, but on other more healthy things. One of those things is remapping and reprogramming your brain to respond to more appropriate sexual activity. This will take time, patience, and consistency. But eventually, you will remap your brain to respond accordingly. If you can get hard at all, and you've proven it, then the blue pill doesn't fix your problem. It only serves to mask your problem. And eventually, like a football player who has an ACL tear will eventually destroy it beyond repair using local anesthetics to get by just one more time, use the little blue pill long enough, and you'll have a whole lot of trouble getting back to normalcy. It isn't impossible, but it is very very difficult to achieve.

    So, with all of that, the message is, do the 90 days abstinence, follow it with rehabilitation therapy (i.e. normal sexuality), and keep working at it systematically and consistently. With sufficient time, this too shall pass.
     
    Healed! and Gavinfree like this.
  7. BartlebytheScrivener

    BartlebytheScrivener Fapstronaut

    242
    165
    43
    the problem with this approach to fix ED is that one never knows how much time is needed.

    So if someone says it does not work, the answer of the NOFaP advocates simply is that the person needs to wait even longer. This way, the possibility that the approach to solve the problem does not work, is never considered. One may wait years for recovery to no avail if the problem is really of a different nature and thus cannot be fixed by NOFAP.
     
  8. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    72
    51
    18
    This is clearly a psychological problem, quite possibly fear of failure going on. Also, with so many years of PMO in the background, it's no wonder that you are struggling. Because of your ex, you've associated women with not having sex, and sex with P and M.

    There are so many possible solutions, but finding the right one for you isn't obvious. Probably you need a mix of solutions.

    May I suggest hypnotherapy? I can't promise that it will work, obviously, but it's worth a try. Find a therapist who specialises in sexual dysfunction, or one who has had years of experience.

    One way forward is to give yourself permission to fail. (This doesn't work for everyone, but it does for some, so it's worth an experiment.) The next time you are with your girl, forbid yourself from having any penile stimulation, and from getting hard. If you do accidentally get hard, or if your girl decides to make you hard anyway, forbid yourself from orgasming. Tell your girl that you'll have to pleasure her in other ways, e.g. with your tongue or a sex toy. If you get hard anyway, you may pleasure your girl with penetration — but you must not orgasm! Repeat this for at least a week, preferably longer. See what happens.

    Whatever you do, whatever happens, neither masturbate nor watch porn. Ever.

    I hope that your new girlfriend is sufficiently understanding and patient to await your recovery.
     
  9. Gavinfree

    Gavinfree Fapstronaut

    26
    67
    13
    This is sooooo good. Having a technical background I very much appreciate and agree with your analogy. What's more I recently watched a NOVA (PBS) program on addiction. It was fascinating understanding how our brain works and what attaches the addiction to and outcome that while unhealthy makes you feel euphoric. The problem of course is the rest of the time you feel ashamed, out of control and wishing you weren't that way. I knew I was addicted. Unlike substance abuse Porn addiction is a lot easier to hide - it has been for me. Intellectually I knew I was addicted but I wasn't being true to myself emotionally. Psychologically I knew about Emotional Intelligence and that ultimately we make the choice in our brain no matter what the situation is. I'm close to 40 days now taking the Hard route to 90. You have to detox and that takes constant choice in the beginning. What I'm accepting though is even while now I'm not getting the urge for Porn I haven't built the new road map in my brain that attaches the joy/pleasure to healthier desire. A more natural desire. I'm learning. And after decades of porn accept that's a journey. What drives me is the vision of where I want to be and the rejection of being out of control of my destiny.

    Great post - thanks!
     
  10. lovebeach

    lovebeach Fapstronaut

    37
    13
    8
    Same happen to me really frustrating, you should try dobbel dose with the blue pill
     
  11. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,203
    2,851
    143
    NO, you shouldn't! If you can get hard at all, it's not a "...dobbel dose with the blue pill..." issue or fix. It's a brain issue. Even if that worked for you, it is only a very temporary fix for a long term problem. So, follow this path of ignorance at your own risk.
     
    Mordobarn likes this.
  12. lovebeach

    lovebeach Fapstronaut

    37
    13
    8
    All right, good job policeman.Not everybody understand ironic
     
  13. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    72
    51
    18
    Unfortunately, irony is lost in an internet forum where we can't see your facial expression or hear your tone of voice.

    I also thought that you were being serious.
     
  14. lovebeach

    lovebeach Fapstronaut

    37
    13
    8
    Yeah I see,stupid comment
     
    Mordobarn likes this.
  15. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,203
    2,851
    143
    Thank you for owning it. I didn't know which way to interpret your comment. So, I err on the side of caution, and assume you're serious. After all, a lot of people say some pretty stupid ass shit in here, and they're dead serious.
     
  16. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    72
    51
    18
    Also remember that people on this forum come from all over the world and from many different cultures. Not all of them use irony the way that you might do, and especially where English isn't their first language, they might take you at your word.
     

Share This Page