Months without porn- still can't perform

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Softy, Nov 28, 2018.

  1. Softy

    Softy New Fapstronaut

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    58 yo. Jerked off to porn daily for decades because wife didn't want sex- got addicted. Got rock hard- cumming felt great.

    New relationship- lots of sex. I've been off porn for about 4 months. I've lost the urge to jerk off- so I don't. I save it for my GF.

    I get hard when we kiss but as soon as I try to enter her my dick goes dead. Same thing when she puts it in her mouth. So now I use Blue Pill. Can only stay hard in her mouth. Cumming doesn't feel nearly as good as jerking off to porn. I feel doomed. What the hell is going on?
     
  2. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    That seems a little weird to me...

    You’re able to get an erection with a kiss...

    That would indicate a healthy brain and penis. But then you lose your erection afterwards?

    If your penis gets hard from a kiss then I would say that it is safe to say that you’re rebooted.

    The only explanation that I can think of is that maybe it’s a mental problem of yours? If you’re worried about it and always thinking “ahh shit, my dick is gonna go soft” then maybe that’s the reason. All I can say is ditch the blue pill, you don’t wanna become dependant on that and continue with no porn and masturbation.

    I had slight PIED and still do to some extent.
    I seem to have the opposite of what you’re describing.
    I don’t get hard from kissing or looking. But when it comes to the actual sex I manage to muster up maybe a 75% erection. Which isn’t great but I’m able to have satisfying sex.
     
  3. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Some people take longer than others.

    I can't claim to have an answer as to what is going on, but if you avoid all porn and masturbation, it will get better. You may need to avoid all orgasms for a while - some people find it slows their recovery. There's lots more info here and at https://www.yourbrainonporn.com .
     
  4. Trappy7

    Trappy7 Fapstronaut

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    You need more time. That's all. Maybe a year, but it will get better
     
  5. I have a lot of experience with having a hard on when kissing but then we it is necessary, nothing works.

    So I understand this right: you take the blue pill, but you only get hard when she puts it into the mouth?

    That is strange indeed. the blue pill should help you get erection when you are aroused. I'd expect you to be aroused even after you remove it from her mouth to stick it in.

    If that is the case, the only idea I have is that you are still suffering from PIED and have a strong blowjob fetish. could that somehow be the case?

    It can't be that you have physical problems, because otherwise you would never get hard. the blue pill is for physical and psychological reasons.

    How does your partner deal with this?

    I wish I had a good idea, I really feel for you. You did a lot to make things work out again and now this. Please keep us updated.
     
  6. the problem with this approach to fix ED is that one never knows how much time is needed.

    So if someone says it does not work, the answer of the NOFaP advocates simply is that the person needs to wait even longer. This way, the possibility that the approach to solve the problem does not work, is never considered. One may wait years for recovery to no avail if the problem is really of a different nature and thus cannot be fixed by NOFAP.
     
  7. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    This is clearly a psychological problem, quite possibly fear of failure going on. Also, with so many years of PMO in the background, it's no wonder that you are struggling. Because of your ex, you've associated women with not having sex, and sex with P and M.

    There are so many possible solutions, but finding the right one for you isn't obvious. Probably you need a mix of solutions.

    May I suggest hypnotherapy? I can't promise that it will work, obviously, but it's worth a try. Find a therapist who specialises in sexual dysfunction, or one who has had years of experience.

    One way forward is to give yourself permission to fail. (This doesn't work for everyone, but it does for some, so it's worth an experiment.) The next time you are with your girl, forbid yourself from having any penile stimulation, and from getting hard. If you do accidentally get hard, or if your girl decides to make you hard anyway, forbid yourself from orgasming. Tell your girl that you'll have to pleasure her in other ways, e.g. with your tongue or a sex toy. If you get hard anyway, you may pleasure your girl with penetration — but you must not orgasm! Repeat this for at least a week, preferably longer. See what happens.

    Whatever you do, whatever happens, neither masturbate nor watch porn. Ever.

    I hope that your new girlfriend is sufficiently understanding and patient to await your recovery.
     
    Tiger uppercut! likes this.
  8. Gavinfree

    Gavinfree Fapstronaut

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    This is sooooo good. Having a technical background I very much appreciate and agree with your analogy. What's more I recently watched a NOVA (PBS) program on addiction. It was fascinating understanding how our brain works and what attaches the addiction to and outcome that while unhealthy makes you feel euphoric. The problem of course is the rest of the time you feel ashamed, out of control and wishing you weren't that way. I knew I was addicted. Unlike substance abuse Porn addiction is a lot easier to hide - it has been for me. Intellectually I knew I was addicted but I wasn't being true to myself emotionally. Psychologically I knew about Emotional Intelligence and that ultimately we make the choice in our brain no matter what the situation is. I'm close to 40 days now taking the Hard route to 90. You have to detox and that takes constant choice in the beginning. What I'm accepting though is even while now I'm not getting the urge for Porn I haven't built the new road map in my brain that attaches the joy/pleasure to healthier desire. A more natural desire. I'm learning. And after decades of porn accept that's a journey. What drives me is the vision of where I want to be and the rejection of being out of control of my destiny.

    Great post - thanks!
     
  9. lovebeach

    lovebeach Fapstronaut

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    Same happen to me really frustrating, you should try dobbel dose with the blue pill
     
  10. lovebeach

    lovebeach Fapstronaut

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    All right, good job policeman.Not everybody understand ironic
     
  11. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately, irony is lost in an internet forum where we can't see your facial expression or hear your tone of voice.

    I also thought that you were being serious.
     
    Tiger uppercut! likes this.
  12. lovebeach

    lovebeach Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I see,stupid comment
     
    Mordobarn likes this.
  13. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    Also remember that people on this forum come from all over the world and from many different cultures. Not all of them use irony the way that you might do, and especially where English isn't their first language, they might take you at your word.
     
  14. GottaMakeIt

    GottaMakeIt Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that happens to me too. Actually, early in the reboot I had exactly the same issue. Now after some recovery (managed to get 4.5 without orgasm) I managed to perform. BJ helps a lot to get me aroused but I still have times when my dick goes dead during sex but much less often. My erections still are not good as they are supposed to be. I can tell you there is improvement but it will probably take at least months before you are cured. In my opinion, your hard-wiring (mine also) needs to completely remove porn from back of your head and then you will be back to normal.
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  15. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you have actual ed. Your at the right age.
     

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