I know that this is not related to PMO at all but I think it's important to get it off my chest. I think that if they call, I will say the short version, but I wanted to get down other important points. *GULP* I just wanted to say it once and for all, so that there is no misunderstanding: I propose a “quiet time” for all of us—Some radio silence. I don’t want you to call. I don’t want you to SMS or email. I will not be replying. Please don’t assume that something is wrong. I am okay Please don’t send any money. Please don’t send any care packages on birthdays or Christmas. Stop here ——————————- Any sort of contact from you and acceptance of gifts has been damaging and not helpful. $3000 is laughable. I received twice that amount from complete strangers To help my transition here in the UK. K and I are in a place that is akin to hell And we have only ourselves to rely on for any help.K is in hell because she receives no help from anyone and has to raise two children all by herself. I am in hell because I cannot be with her and she feels very let down and abandoned by me. SHE HAS LOST ALL HOPE. I am sad, despondent, and have absolutely no ambition to do anything Nor the means. I try to spend only £50 a week for myself so that she can have the majority of my paycheque. I have lost weight Because eating bargain .42 p spaghetti and sauce daily is not a healthy lifestyle – – – trust me you do not want to see my picture. Each month has a new surprise for us and an unexpected cost In the last 15 years, we were only able to go on vacation one time. Yet another year goes by and P has to explain to his peers that he spent his vacation in S$£"!% You can see it in his eyes – – –He's 10. he understands and can compare himself to other children because he is of the age that he understands these things I want Better for my children P deserves better K deserves better I really don’t know what I’m going to do; but I will move heaven and earth to try and provide better for these children – – to try and provide better for K. One of the biggest lies that I have propagated is riding in on the “America” horse. K should’ve left me then Because I Barely owned the shirt I had on my back. She Deserves a better husband. I deserve a better mother and father. Another one of the biggest lies that I have told myself, is that I modelled my life after you, dad: I saw your recipe for success was : Work more and harder , That’s all I know because you hadn’t shared anything else besides that. Your Life is like a black box to me I tried to follow this formula because this is the only thing I know how to do. I was never taught anything by you of value. I was never taught how to manage money, I was never taught a trade. You never took time to teach me anything else because I feel like you believed that I was not capable of doing anything—-you Did not and still do not believe in me. If you did believe in me, you would loan me $25,000. I can't remember 1 time in my life when I brought home an achievement from school and heard the words from you "I'm Proud of you". The only Thing I have left from you are these misconceptions: Avoid Conflict You should be perfect What's wrong with you? Don’t follow your dreams We don’t talk about money It is the Christian way to be hypocritical it's normal to expect your children to fail Don’t make so much noise; stop talking so much It’s okay to leave your family and live abroad for financial gain Be Humble---In the race of life, let someone who is more capable take the lead Worst of all is this which is the chokehold that is suffocating our relationship: You never got to know me. You never listened to my heart. i used to look up to you And I thought we were the same. I modelled a lot of my life after you. In my own misguided way, I thought that my move to the UK was an enabler just as America was enabler for you. Now I wish I was an orphan and not related to you. I’m tired of being fake. I will not continue to have fake discussions where I should just smile and say everything is okay. I ask God to cut myself from you and I will pray for you (because I follow God, and God's law Honour Thy Mother and Father, and I will look to God the Father to fill the gaps in my person to make me a better spiritual father), and I ask God to take care of you, I need to be free from you and I need to be myself. God Bless You ! Enjoy your life without me. I think it would be easier for you TOO!!!