MO'd today, no P

You're being overly tough on yourself. Even if you ended up MO-ing, you did make progress. You stopped yourself from escalating from photos to videos. I respect you for that, and for the courage to have a conversation with a real woman. Maybe a good goal would be to see if you can go 6 days again.

Regarding depression, a good therapist can do wonders, though it can take years of work. But as you said, they can be expensive. Depending on your health insurance coverage, it might be much more affordable if you can find an in-network therapist. If that's the case, then it might be worth asking your PCP if they have any in-network recommendations.

 

Hey Rocketman - i can relate to u. When i am off PMO for few days, my little brother feels dead...to the extent i get concerned if its still working. To test it i give it aome atulation only to falls off the cliff in few min. Thats story of many many failed NoFlap expeditions.

 

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This is an interesting one. NoFap talks a lot about Porn Addiction and PMO, but some of us here (including myself) can get off just fine without porn but just want to rely less on fapping for that quick fix. Though I would say my porn habits did get a bit unhealthy - The more frequently I used it, the more weird the porn had to get (I never quite reached the really gross stuff but it did get weirder than I would like) to be satisfying, but other times I could quite happily just fantasise about my wife or imaginary women (Though interestingly the sensation without any imagery or fantasising can often be not enough).

Without porn it can be a lot better, you leave feeling a lot more satisfied. I have no 'forever' goal as the main reason I'm doing this reboot in the first place is so I can get to a point where I don't rely on it and that when I do do it, it's been long enough and I've been sensitive enough that it can be really enjoyable without really requiring porn or the 'death grip', and so that I can have fun with my wife without me taking forever and having to finish myself once she tires out or starts to hurt.

As for how you feel depressed now, I imagine it's your brain getting used to not having all that instant gratification anymore. Know that in the long run you'll feel so much better and become less of an addictive person, but in the mean time you could replace it with some healthy endorphin-releasing activities, like exercise. Currently I lift weights when I feel the urge, it seems to help ease the frustration quite a bit, and gives me a similar hit of endorphins. Hopefully I'll get fit this way too