Mid 40's and never had a girlfriend-is it too late?

sus

 

Must sound sus to you, I completely understand that

 

Its objectively sus

 

Same as u are mate

 

How so ?

 

Guess for some people is normal... Maybe never is too late. But if you want to have children of your own don't waste time. Just beat the fear of rejection and ask the women you like.

I am 35 now. Had а girlfriend for first time at 30. She had a toddler, took them home. The kid couldn't get used to me. She got pregnant, ran away and aborted against my will. After some time we got together again but she kept doing stupid things and I got tired, we split forever. She damaged me very much with the abortion, but I feel mostly healed from that wound yet. So choose wisely your girls, they can hurt you much more than loneliness sometimes.

And it's not that I don't attract girls at all. I'm a "normal" guy, just I'm a low bullshit personality, imo. Some women offered me get laid in the past (and much younger than me), but i rejected those opportunities for a different reasons in each moment. Also I have a bit higher standards, maybe. Maybe karma... maybe a way of life?
But don't let yourselves down. Take care.

 

Restore, I was thinking about the same scenario (abprtion against my will) just yesterday and really this is the worse. My condolences to You. You are 100% right, the most pain and harm you can get in life - besides the death or suffering of close ones - is caused by the other gender. My experience as well.. its because you basically allow a stranger to become almost a family member... but she is NOT, and one day, you will learn the hard way.

 

Nah. You got plenty of time to turn your life around.

 

I'm 42, women all hate me. I really wanted to create a family with the right woman for me but alas. God has other plans for me it seems.

 

Somehow I doubt that. What gives you this impression? Sometimes there are guys on here who are like, "No girl will ever love me!" And I'm like...there's no way that's true. I've seen plenty of women who would love to have a man. Perhaps they have flaws or are unattractive. So the real issue is "No porn star will ever love me!" And that is most likely true. Sometimes our standards are crazy high. Porn does that to people.

Lol. Eminem's "Lose Yourself" is now running on repeat through my head. But it's truth is also relevant. Don't miss your chance to blow...opportunity comes once in a lifetime ...Yeah that's not true, but you get the point...

 

So I’m 23 and I feel like when I don’t change anything (except nofap which I’m trying to do now) I will face the same story as OP and many others.

Do you have any hints or resources to get started?? Or something that you would’ve liked to know when you were in my position/age?
Thanks!!

 

Very broad question. Like "I wish I had known then what I know now" realizations? First, learn about finances and financial planning. The sooner you start investing in life, the more time your money has to compound. And I say this not because of greed. Quite the opposite really. If you're financially independent (meaning you work only if you choose to), you are able to live life more on your terms and can help others as you see fit. Not how an organization sees fit due to financial or time constraints.
Second, don't let fear stand in your way. The more you expose yourself to your fear, usually the more you realize there was nothing to fear. And if it ends up poorly, try again. Maybe there is a legitimate fear, but the more you expose yourself, the less painful the punishment becomes. If it's social rejection, keep putting yourself out there. I think you'll eventually find your tribe.
Third, know that time and patience are your friend. And don't waste time on video games or other meaningless trash. Good god, I have regrets. Learn worthwhile skills and employ them. The sooner you do, the more experience you get and the more proficient you become. The more proficient you become, the more confident you feel. The more confident you feel, the more attractive you become to friends, family, and potential partners.
Fourth, experiment. And give those experiments time to play out before making a conclusion. I guess I'm thinking more jobs, so you may have already passed this hurdle.
These are the most glaring to me right off hand. If I think of any more I'll let you know.

 

But the way they look at me, they turn there heads away in anger or frustration after seeing me. As if my face offends them how weird that may sound.

 

Sadly, I can relate my friend. It seems that most people bristle at me, as well. I was a longtime fan (and still am) of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde simply for the fact that I could relate to people bristling at Mr. Hyde when they met him; "he gave an impression of deformity without any nameable malformation." (from the book by Robert Louis Stevenson). I figured they could see something in me that was ugly. Or maybe it was just my face, lol. Or maybe I "have a face that's made for violence upon it" (Marilyn Manson, "Disposable Teens"). Idk. I may be divulging a lot of my tastes in literature and music, but for a short period of my life, I subscribed to the Frankenstein method of resolving the problem: "If I cannot inspire love, I WILL CAUSE FEAR" (from the monster). I hated humanity for a long time. Sometimes I still revert back to it, unfortunately. The best advice I can possibly give you is to not let your rejection turn to sorrow or anger, as best you can. It can lead down some real dark roads. Roads that aren't worth visiting. And sometimes it's hard to turn that car around.
I know I'm referencing a ton of fictional works...the statement of mine that you quoted was maybe a little harsh, but it was conceived from a scene in the movie Fight Club where the chick with cancer just wants to have sex one last time. She's desperate. So when guys say they can't get a girl...I think there are tons of desperate girls, sadly. There's no way you could be rejected by every single one. You're an able-bodied man, for one. You're employed, for two. I'm sure there are several other commendable traits that you possess, as well. Remember those when you are feeling down on yourself. You're a catch. Remember that. You just have to go out and find your missus. Just be careful not to compromise too much on who you are trying to find, as that can sometimes lead to resentment...on both ends.
Cheers, my friend. You got this.

 

Maybe you have an unresolved Oedipus complex. Not many people understand what the Oedipus complex really is about. It's worth looking into it.

In any event, have you tried psychotherapy? You would benefit immensely.

It's never too late. It's all about the mindset. Right now, your self-limiting beliefs keep you stuck in a negative narrative.

 

Thanks man. But I really do value myself and I know myself that I am a catch. Yet getting into contact with women is hard as they just don't want to talk to me let alone date me! I have managed to get on a few dates in the past, so I know its not impossible for me. But I feel so frustrated and pessimistic now after so many rejections. I approached nearly 200 women on the streets and use several dating sites with no succes what so ever. And I am so tired of being lonely now.

 

Hmmm...idk, man. Seems like you are doing everything right. If you've literally done that many cold approaches, that's impressive, and my hat is off to you! The only thing that I can think of would be to go by it a little more subtly (it will take patience). There is a psychological phenomenon called the "mere exposure effect." The more we are exposed to a stimulus (person, item, etc), the more we tend to like it (you can read about it here: https://www.open.edu/openlearn/heal...ology/starting-psychology/content-section-4.3). So using this phenomena--and I'm just brainstorming out loud here--what if you find an interest group/club or sports club or go some place where your "tribe" (people with same interests and values) resides. Hang out with them...maybe first just by being present. Then, as time elapses, start mingling with people. As the group warms up to you, start approaching the available women in the group that you are interested in. Idk, man. I hate to even suggest that since it would kind of be a time intensive endeavor that may or may not pay off. But if the cold approach isn't working, you may find success with a more time intensive approach of getting to know someone and winning their heart. It may be complete trash. So be forewarned. I'm not the smartest man, so take my words with a grain of salt!

 

Exactly. I am in my 20's. All of my friend has girlfriend, even more than one. And here, i even cant approach a girl.How pathetic is that!!!!!.
I have significantly severe social anxiety. Even though i am a good looking guy, but i had never ever have the courage to get into relationship.
Pmo is the only one reason behind it. It destroyed my social skill.