Message to the Men

Good post Jae. Maybe there should be a FAQ's post (or this should serve as it, make it sticky) that those regular questioners can be pointed to.

 

I agree. According to the Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, the problem is mostly about changes in the brain. And men and women both have brains..

 

Maybe the men that question the women don't have much experience with women? From the last two quotes that you used for your examples, I don't think you are dealing with the smartest individuals. I would ignore the post that you don't like and learn from the ones that you can relate to.
Good luck, I know that we all struggle regardless if we are men or women.

 

I think, there also may be ulterior motives at play.
Sure, some of the queries may be idle curiosity, or a genuine desire to understand.
I think others may be looking for a bit of titillation. A pSub if you like. Dangerous on here.

 

I have never heard of anyone questioning women like that on here. It doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It is sad that those have said those hurtful and down right nasty things.

 

Jae:

Sorry to see the dopey questions and comments. I'm glad you're here, and I hope there's more here to help than hinder.

 

I agree! It's an addiction that affects both men and women. You can experience absolutely no arousal (no self lubrication and complete lack of sexual pleasure), no interest in other people, shame and regret. Complete isolation, female death grip (vibrator only), social bias. It's just ridiculous. But more people are becoming alot more informed about female pmo addiction which will hopefully continue. As women, we suffer just like men do. We are all here to fight the same battle! Warriors fighting the battle of addiction.

 

Off topic. I love your avatar!

 

I think questions about how PMO affects the opposite sex are valid and appropriate. If there are wrong assumptions, this allows women to correct them. But why should they get all hurt by it. If you asked a man a question based on a false assumption, do you think he would likely become upset? I doubt it. By the way, your comment about ED is an example.

I have quoted a comment by @hermit_ninja. Indeed, "the problem is mostly about changes in the brain." However, he adds, "men and women both have brains." Undeniably true, of course.

Nevertheless, the brains of male and female humans are wired very differently. It is well documented that men are generally aroused by physical cues, such as the sex organs themselves, ergo, the attraction to porn is a no brainer. It is also well documented that women are generally aroused by a number of factors, which may not include the male sex organs. Women want to feel safe, reassured, and to feel a sense of love and commitment. There are many other differences and it is only natural to ask questions about this. If this lady doesn't want to respond to such enquiries she need not do so.

 

The guys asking these questions simply have very little experience with women sexually and might even be teenagers. If anything, the OP should feel sorry for them and their ignorance, not bitterness and disgust. Likewise, I'm saddened by your lack of empathy in dealing with the opposite sex.

 

I was referring to the OP, not you.

 

Yes, bet let's look at the questions the OP gave as examples:

"Why do women do NoFap?"
"NoFap doesn't have any negative effects on women like they do on men."
"What's the point of abstaining for girls? If I had a clit, I would play with it allll day."
"Y'all don't lose testosterone, you don't kill sperm, you can get sex whenever you want without trying..."

The first question is fair enough, if somewhat lazy because the questioner could find a lot of information himself without trying too hard. The others are just rude and ignorant. I can understand how this sort of thing could be annoying if it happens often enough.

 

Dear @Jae, these all appear as direct quotations, yet there are no links to where they came from. I would like to check that these quotations are verbatim and, if so, to read them in their original context. I will then comment further. Thank you.

 

We are all human, but across the gender gap (and many other cultural gaps) stereotype and lack of communication/contact skewers the ideas of individuals towards others they have had little or limited contact with.

Admittedly i can say that not much more than a few years ago i wouldn't have actively thought that women seeked out pornography in universal habits and reasons. Lack of information and sometimes indeliberate ignorance on a range of topics ranging from S-ed and basic anatomy, and social integration with other people are largely to play.

I can sympathise additionally with your situation, hopefully a wider scheme of learning can help cut down non deliberately unconstructive comments like the ones you have detailed.

 

So I can TOTALLY see where you're coming from, because obviously a lot of those questions are really ignorant and, quite frankly, rude and dismissive of the legitimacy of our battle as women. However... lest any men get the wrong idea... I'd like to speak on behalf of women (or at least myself) and say please don't stop asking us questions if you genuinely want to learn! A lot of men, and women, for that matter, really don't understand how or why women deal with this issue, and I think it's really important that you learn the correct answers, if you really want to hear them. So please ask, so we can educate, and change the (for whatever silly reason) popular view that women don't struggle with PMO.

 

Wow, I said "really" like twelve times. Ah, well, it's the passion shining through, I suppose.

 

Check the women's forum, those quotes are in there. I've seen them. Anyway, it just the whole "women are more sensitive and emotional" when I was watching porn it was for visual stimulation not for comfort. I couldn't orgasm without it because I was losing sensation ( I only looked for genitals not faces or story background ) . Plus everyone is looking for emotional connection when going into a relationship, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend felt like shit he couldn't make orgasm and felt emotional about it because he felt it was a direct blow to his manhood. It's more cultural, I hear alot of people say when someone says watching porn isn't okay the response is usually: "boys will be boys", "men are visual creatures", "you aren't the only woman he'll find attractive", "there's always someone better looking". When years of that kind of crap is engraved in the minds of men and women it will make us behave differently. Porn isn't natural and men have feelings and women are sexually visual too. I read alot of erotica in my pmo days and fantasizing was a HUGE factor. I needed my imagination and it was better because I could pick and choose the physical traits I wanted, it was destructive. Anyway just my two cents, everyone is different. No one is alike. Everyone's use of pmo is different. There for we need different recovery.

 

I dispute this @wildwood. I have checked every use of the word 'clit' on the site, and that alleged quotation does not exist. I also searched the whole site for the phrase 'kill sperm' and, yet again, that alleged quotation does not exist. It is a misandrous post. It was very welcome to read the following post from @TakingTheSteps...

 

In the the thread question for the ladies, in the women's section. It was removed but quoted by someone else which was edited. Just take a look. I wouldn't be taking time to writing in this thread just to spread more crap. We have moderators here so try can remove and/or edit the inappropriate posts. This is my last post on this thread.