When I start abstaining from PMO while single, one of the things that drive me nuts is how the body starts feeling tingly and desperate for touch. There are two things I have that help me overcome this, massages (non-happy ending, professional ones) and platonic friends who are comfortable with a bit of touching. After going for a massage, I felt really good and calmer. I go for full body massages, I don't think it feels sexual, but a certain sexual tension is released, due to the nature of it. My fear is will I get addicted to it, and will I actually start looking for the more shady types of massages if I keep at it? With my friends who comfortably touch, hold or semi-cuddle with me, I usually feel much better about myself, and stable enough to maintain PMO and discipline with work. But now I am sensing that I start feeling romantic and bit desperate with them after a while. I meet them those types of friends more than the others, and the selectiveness is a bit weird. Yes I know the solution to that is getting into relationship/getting laid, but unfortunately its not easy because I need to work on a few things to really get there and I suck at acting it out for one-night stands, and don't feel that good about it deep inside. In order to start a deeper relationship, there are some other aspects that I need to figure out. My question, do you feel like it might be okay to keep going for massages, and seeking attention from these friends? Do you have any other ideas? Somebody mentioned contact improv/dance, but I am afraid if I'll come across as a bit creepy feeling a bit desperate to give/receive touch. I am usually healthy with this regard, and never touched any stranger in a creepy ever in my life. I am not that healthy with PMO, but I have had deep, long and intimate relationships with partners otherwise, except for these last few years.
Interesting way of thinking, and really I was considering the same approach in the last days, a professional full body massage without happy ending could be relaxing and you can liberate sexual tension, but I still thinking about it before my final decision because I think that it could have the opposite effect, and start to think in to masturbate with the image of the massage girl, everybody is different but that's my case, perhaps in a few weeks this could be a good step to approach to a real women, but right now it don't seem to be the time for me. I told my best friend about my challenge, and she is sleeping with me all these days, we see movies, series, reading, talking, I think if I were alone I would be in M right now, then if you can get help for your friends, I think it seems to be fine, my experience about that in this two weeks is good. For the record I am in the day 13 and everything seems to be normal, maybe with more urges I can take a decision like yours.
Thanks for you reply Vu1k. Yes, I was tempted to first seek out a shadier massage, but I am glad I went for a professional one this time. In my massage session, I hardly saw the person, because you lie down on your back. I haven't thought about the session in any sexual way as yet. Will keep you informed. Great to hear that you have supportive friend.
We've discussed this before, and I'll preface by saying I'm trained as a therapeutic massage .. therapist, and I have received a lot of different types of massage and bodywork. I'd suggest not framing it as whether it's okay or not but what your intention is, it really comes down to honesty. This can be hard or you might have mixed motivations at times too, even if the sexual part is relatively small. One of the simplest things is to go for quality. There's a large pool of massage therapists, even legitimate ones that are cute girls, there's a much smaller pool of highly skilled people who are capable of doing corrective rehabilitative work. EVEN if you don't need that, you know they will do better work - and that smaller pool will already consist of relatively few attractive people, chances are you would not be forced to choose someone attractive. From a perspective of well being, it doesn't really make sense to go for regular low quality work. One reason is we get lazy, maybe we can stretch instead of pay for a passage. It makes more sense to go to a professional for stuff you can't do/reach yourself and the rest of the time learn how to take care of your own body. If it is strictly a matter of nurturing touch, it may surprise people to know they can do that themselves - but the VAST majority of people do not do it. We may not even take care of ourselves if we're better at it. This mental attitude is more of a problem than whether we can or know how to do it, and it's just as true for a lot of professional therapists. Physiologically it could be as simple as putting your hand over your heart. It's not just a hippy dippy thing, it'll release oxytocin after a while. We can at least try that at home but we don't find the time, and in public we may be self conscious. With your friends I'd imagine there are people you are honestly not attracted to but they may be capable of nurturing touch, you might choose them to keep yourself honest. And though I don't do it enough myself, even with muscular work my best advice is really to work on yourself. It is effectively a form of self love. It is possible that a lot of people would not PMO if they are that in touch with their bodies because there's a lot more than the sex organs. It may not be realistic to expect anyone to actually do that and get to the point where they actually get equal or better enjoyment from touching themselves platonically and in other parts of the body, (taken far enough I would say that's an altered state that's very rare) but that's largely going to be due to lack of practice.
Yes, I agree. I do think my intention was mixed. However, it has made me feel a little better and keep away from PMO and focus on some productive work. I do wish there was more knowledge on self care, because yes once in a while I have been able to just very caringly pet myself in a non-sexual way, and feel a bit better, but it immediately reminds me of how this is the case, because I don't have any other human being to share it with.
