Married to a PMO addict...

First off that is a lot wow. Very moving. All I can say is I wish I had a girlfriend as supportive as you. But this is his problem. He just has a problem with porn. I want you to realize it might not be the porn it might be his outlet for stress. Its possible he got onto it before he married you so its not that your not good enough its that it has formed a habit inside of him.

[NSFW] Hugh Hefner(owner of playboy) interestingly he would sleep with 5 different girls but heres the interesting thing at the end of sleeping with all these girls all this variety he would have them watch him masturbate to porn[/NSFW]

This is his problem and his alone. He has to be the one to find the way to beating this. (Show him the post in my signature or at least read it its worth reading once) But don't put all this pressure on yourself that its in any way your fault because its not. Now if you rarely if ever had sexual contact even then I wouldn't say it is because he has trained his mind to need more stimulus.

Its like in the same way that I can't compete with a dildo with all its fancy functions you can't compete with 500plus different girls online which isn't a bad thing because trust me its better if your special in your own way which trust me you are. His mind just believes you as this and that the only better thing is online and that he has to find more or search for more because thats the only way he can be stimulated.

He has to want to beat this more than anything. But as long as he's doing less than before thats an accomplishment. I know you want him done tomorrow but its been ingrained and will take awhile. I've wanted to quit the day I started 7 years ago and everyday I feel I should be farther than I am but here I am. Be supportive of him don't get angry which trust me I know is hard but he may see porn as a bad thing to do which may make him more into it.

I suppose all I'm saying is try your best to tell him that you accept him and that no matter what it takes your there for him. After reading this I know you are I believed it from the first sentence you wrote but I'm not sure if he knows. But you are doing everything right its just this is a hard addiction to quit. But when he finally quits I know the feeling with be priceless. Good luck to you I'm glad you stuck with him this is very deep stuff.

 

I second finalfight's advice. From my perspective, only an addict can take the tough decision of choosing to quit. Any other person cannot do it for him. But, certain situations and people can help him take his decision.

Although, there is a catch here. You see, as a wife you can only act as a catalyst in "his" recovery. You can offer him accountability and motivation. But, it is necessary that you do so without hurting him. Because if you hurt him, he will stop paying heed to your advice and your feelings.

Meanwhile, you should let him know that no matter what happens you still love him. But, try to make him realise that you dont like his porn use and you know its consuming him and straining your relationship. Be supportive but not over-cautious. If he is anything like me, he probably does not want to hurt his wife and so hides his addiction.

Lastly, I would advice you to read stories of the partners of porn addicts and how they help their significant others. There are some posts on this site, but they are few in number. Try searching on yourbrainonporn or any other similar site.

Best of luck!!

 

You can't control what is in someone's mind. Worrying about it will only make you feel worse.

 

Are you doing the right thing? Yes


Is it too much to ask for him to quit porn and to have sex with you? No, but that has probably been his way of getting rid of stress. ( maybe he doesn't want to hurt you, or show you what he likes.

Once this PMO addiction goes, and he rewires his sex drive to just you...then within half a year, he should be fine.

I think your doing everything right.

I don't think their is a way to give up his addiction ( that he likes doing) with out some stress for both the addict and the partner. SO BE STRONG, YOU CAN DO IT.

MILITARY BRAT

 

I just wanted to say I agree to all you said and I'm in the same porn boat...sucks I used to love men and got along with men great...I've been introduced to a whole new light as to how they really are and it's destroying me and I see everything differently now, I hate that I've lost that part of myself...I hate men.

 

MrsBittersweet get him to sign up for NoFap, iv tried many times to quit and honestly I can say this is the best idea iv ever had and I feel great, here we're all accountable and extremely committed, as a matter of fact its hard "not to be committed" when your seeing everybody else's struggles and giving them advice, he will definitely quit here.

and Jbird 22 please don't hate men, hate porn and the industry, id say 95% of us aren't happy that were like this, the strongest of us sign up to the NoFap challenge. Porn is a serious addiction

Also to help even more I HIGHLY recommend you have them read the site to this link: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change
theres a lot of facts on how bad PMO is

 

Thanks for the link...it helps, hopefully it'll help him...

 

I was in the military for almost 9 years. I was wondering if he has had any deployments to Korea, Japan, or any training in the Phillipines or Thailand? I ask because he may have developed some sort of infatuation for these women during a deployment. There also could be an issue on where and how he was raised. For instance, say there was a woman in his past who was particularly nice to him when few were and she happened to be asian, it would explain his infatuation. My guess is he developed this after hearing some story about a deployment in an asian country and just kind of went with it.He has already had a problem with pornography before so it makes sense that after a while the mind requires variety.

Most drug users I've met (I don't use drugs so I am speaking from an outside perspective) have tried more than one drug. It always seems like they have a drug of choice, but they venture through different kinds to get higher and higher until they find the one that suits them. I think pornography works the same way. After a while the "same old fantasy" may not do it for him. So, he may venture to different forms to keep the fantasy "fresh". If he is in the military and is good at his job there is a good chance that he may be stubborn. So, you will have to make sure that when you talk to him about it you maintain eye contact and are not approaching him in an offensive manner.

I would also like to add that a lot of guys end up collecting porn for deployments. They are aware from their wives and or girlfriends and some use it as a means to stay faithful or to escape from the hell they are currently in. In addition to that, the testosterone levels are constantly higher due to the conditions so you ultimately want to workout more, or have sex more often and so on. The difference is when you get back, you have developed habits that were built for more testosterone. So, after a while some guys don't pay attention to their wives anymore. Some of the things we do to mentally survive over there aren't healthy. I had about a good month or two of overly watching porn when I could, and I would easily break out of that and just hit the gym. I basically got into porn addiction through a different pathway. But, for some guys this is how it goes. I hope this information helps.

 

Your porn brain isn't the same as your sex brain. At least, in my experience. You will find instances here of people who fap while watching gay porn but would NEVER consider themselves gay in any way shape or form. They only date girls and have no feelings of any kind toward men. Porn can take you to places you would never go to in your mind naturally. It drives you, it pushes you.

I got something very different between having sex and fapping. Sex was a connection with my girl. It was nice but it wasn't the "same" as porn. Porn eludes to sex being this incredible thing [which it is] it just isn't the same sensational feelings as the images in your mind. This is because you can fantasize and over exagerate the feeling. I always thought blowjobs would be so great. It's just not the same. In porn my mind told me it nearly felt like a vagina and women would suck for hours and that it was amazing for them. I never had considered the teeth nicks here and there or the lack of effort [in my mind lack of effort anyways] that could come with it. My mind had given me a very false sense of what it actually was.

The same for sex. I expected to be ridden like someone who's job is to do that kind of stuff and they're getting paid a good amount of money to do it. There is also cuts and scenes are fixed and angles look enticing ect. NONE of this happens in real life. It is all imaginary but your brain has been constantly reinforced to believe that is how it is suppose to be.

So I would go to my GF for a mental connection and to feel just "okay" from sex. I always O'd but it was never what I had always imagined it to be. I fapped for stress relief and because I was bored. I fapped to get out of reality. I fapped because it was something to do. I fapped because I could go to that place where I could create that sensation through my mind that sex didn't provide because it wasn't real. I had to make it real and I couldn't do that with my partner, only in my own mind.

I didn't think about porn when I have sex.

 

Hotshot-again, very interesting, thanks for sharing.