Married fapstronaut

Have you told her? How did she find out? I am a partner of a man with PIED. I caught my partner and he continued to lie. The lying part hurt me 100 times more than the PMO. So be 100% honest with her, to a fault. Do not keep anything from her, not just the PMO overshare your life. Do you have problems in bed or low sex drive? That also hurt me a ton. For ten months my partner turned me down or gave me half hearted sex ending with him using his hand eyes closed and watched me cry because I could not please him, still pmoed and lied. Man that hurt! Get help, commit to counseling, say you are sorry and live it. Do not get angry no matter how many questions she asks. Do not act defensive , even though that would be your normal action. Let her take as long as she needs to forgive you and move on knowing that could be years. Tell her if you screw up and relapse. Get rid of all your porn. Install a porn blocker on all devices and listen to her when she needs to vent for however long she needs. Tell her she's attractive and it has nothing to do with her. Reassure her it's not her fault without being asked. Be willing to tell her daily the truth if she wants to check in if you pmoed or not dorm get mad. I can't tell you what your wife will do, I'm still not sure if I will stay with my fiancé. But i can tell you the honesty, the understanding and being willing to do whatever she needs help a lot.

 

I'm the wife of a guy with PA. I THINK IT'S A HUGE STEP that you are determined to make this work. keep her in the loop with you activity on these forums? it shows her an inside into your mind and motives and can help her alienate the heartache and deal.with her feelings of having been left out. Whilst myself I accept my husband is addicted and I'm committed to help, there are and will be moments won't I won't be able to be this zen. be compassionate to her during those times if you can. cuddles regularly even if not too.much talk can keep her seeing your good side. they say around here that basicly you're trying to dismantle those dopamine reward circuits in your brain and doing so building oxytocin- the love hormone that would eventually ideally be your motivation to behaviours. so affection, affection, affection, connecting whichever way you can will possibly help you shift the priorities chemically I'm your brain, as well as soothing her.
When I want to be or I can be, I'm highly attuned emotionally to my husband. I imagine most wives are like that but some of us may have given up on our men slowly and subtly at a subconscious level, given up on expecting our needs of affection fulfilled by them. It's documented here in forums that even a little nofap subtly changes a man's demeanor and I can vouch for that. I always feel when my husband is more into us and Into me and that happened in random situations that , when looking back, I see that for whatever reasons, he could NOT use porn as much or at all for a few days (holidays, even stres full times of moving house). atm in fact my husband is away with our kid and logistically it's impossible for him to fap. he might squeeze one in in the dark of the nihht but where he is he has no privacy lol. in our Skype talks I can see the life in his eyes, the energy. I'll go as far as his voice is changed a bit, not as emasculated drained whispers hard to explain... it's just projecting strong and he sounds like a 'punch my chest tarzan' lol. women do pick up on that

 

This. Come up with an action plan and share it with her. Take full responsibility, do not blame anything on her, and apologize if you haven't already. Apologize for lying and for letting other women (even pixelated ones) interfere with your relationship.

Be patient with her while she processes. SHOW her you are making the right decisions. I'm not talking about groveling, just show her how capable you are of being the man you want to be, and the man that she sees in you.

 

Also... thank you for being cognizant of her needs and for realizing that she needs healing and will be a part of your journey to recovery as well. Good luck!