Managing Solitude: Exploring Activities and Traveling Alone or With Company?

I'm in a similar situation as you, where I am the last single person in my group of friends so often times I am alone. I'm at the point where if I want to do something or go somewhere and it means going by myself I do it and enjoy it. In your example of visiting the museum, the nice thing is you would be able to go through it at your own pace and enjoy it and not have someone with you that might not be as excited about it and rush through it faster then you want to go.

 

I try to do both, but I'm more inclined to do things with friends than just by myself. A few years ago, however, I would've never gone to a concert, or have lunch by myself.

I thought the same. But in reality I was afraid of being out there. I assumed people would think I was a loser for doing things alone. And it would reinforce my own belief that I was the kind of person nobody wanted to hang around with, I was worthless, boring, and all these negative self talk.

Staying home was more "appealing".
Once you admit to yourself what the real reason why you don't want to do things by yourself is, you can actually do something to improve your current situation.

 

Hey There,

I am sorry as I noticed that this is your journal and if I am not supposed to suggest solutions here, I am new to NoFap community, so I am not sure. In any case, I hope this helps you.

So, I am in kind of a similar situation as you, my classes ended, and all my friends are going in their own paths now. I used to talk with 50 people a day (only 10 of them were friends) but now out of those 10, I can't talk with any of them, they all are moving in their own lives and it's right for them. I also feel lonely sometimes but what I have done to counter this is I have tried to not get attached to people, and now when everyone is leaving, there are those who still talk to me even though we have different paths in life and those are the friends I can keep contact with. However, talking to 2 friends a month is not enough so what I do is go do sports, not team sports, just solo cycling, and there too I have met people, most of them are way older than me and I can't relate to them but still I talk to them daily when I go for cycling and it's fun, sports is a very efficient way to make new friends. Another thing that has helped me is whenever I go outside for any reason, be it shopping or sightseeing, I always have this intention in my mind that I will make small talk with as many people as possible, do this long enough, people will find your company fun and find you charming and then they will want to talk to you more.

So, my solution in summary:
1. Talk to those "Real friends" who no matter what won't leave you.
2. Go do sports and you will meet people there.
3. Always go out with the intention of making small talk with people.

Thanks for reading and again I hope I am not breaking any rules.

 

I think the fear of being seen as a loser because we are alone is something that society has put on us, but you shouldn't let it bother you. That being said, I know exactly what you mean, I have felt awkward eating alone or the worse was when I went to the movies alone. Interestingly there were others alone at the movies, so nothing to worry about.
As we accept who we are and become comfortable with ourselves, we will find that we are some of the best company to be with. I'm always looking for more friends and prefer doing almost everything with another person, but when I can't find company I accept that doing things alone is a great way to expand my life and see more of the world outside of my house.

 

In my experience, it's never been about being comfortable with myself or learning to enjoy my own company. I used to spend entire days at home in boxers, can't get more comfortable than that.

It was more about seeing myself through the eyes of others, always assuming they saw me as a loser, useless, ugly, worthless, pathetic son of a gun (pardon my french), afraid of being rejected or abandoned because of that.

I didn't feel safe, I didn't have trust in my own ability to deal with life.

Had to work on that negative self image and beliefs about myself before I could see myself differently.

 

My thoughts (they may help). I have been lonely many times in my life, but I think I understand it better now:

1. Firstly, you have to try and know yourself: just what is your loneliness threshold? For example, I am definitely an introvert, so I am able to cope on my own for longer than maybe a real extrovert. I even enjoy my own company. I know of extroverts who cannot be on their own for more than maybe an hour. There are though 'extreme' introverts, who like to just be on their own - these I suspect are very, very rare. Even introverts need some social interaction.
2. So writing as a perhaps 'standard' introvert (whatever this is), I say you can occupy yourself with many introvert activities but still need some social activity to avoid a feeling of unhappiness.
3. You are right about museums. Identify some appealing activities you can do on your own and try them out. I used to like going to the cinema on my own. I even eventually managed to go to nightclubs on my own - bizarre but true. Concerts. Anything that doesnt require talking to someone but is very appealing to you.
4. But then you need the difficult bit: you need a dose of social interaction. These activities are tough for introverts. Most introverts can get by on just work/studies if they have a partner. But the lone introvert will need something else a few times a week usually. My suggestion here is don't be afraid to take social (not physical) risks. I actually did amateur dramatics. This is a highly extrovert activity: It felt like being thrown to the lions. It gave some great memories though (and some truly dreadful ones as well). Just remember everyone gets into awkward social situations - it isn't just you.
5. One issue with being an introvert is you are easily damaged by difficult friends. We all know what I mean here? Some 'friends' are toxic. They can make you feel bad about yourself. So choose carefully those people you really spend time with. This is really difficult I feel, just dont put up with the company of people that hurt you just because you feel lonely - there are real friends for you, you just need to find them.

 

I go out alone, the goal is cold approaching women, because my single friends are too shy or scared to talk about this, so I go alone, dont want to put them feeling uncomfortable, they will be distraction for me, for my goal. Believe me,no one will notice you, the people are busy enjoying themselves to pay attention to you. I see there are sometimes also lone rangers, so you are normal. Do people pay much attention to homeless people walking on the street ? No right? As long as you behave properly no one will notice u alone, if they do, they dont give a f about u.

 

Like u said, I go out myself also, I also see lone rangers sometimes, other peiple are to busy enjoying themselves with their group to give a f about u, unless they are bully jerks, but this is rare, most people are decent, dont want to bother others.

 

Travel outside your country, it is adviced to not do that, it could be dangerous alone. Travel in own country is ok, is much safer u know ur own country.

 

@DiegoSR , just do it, go out alone, but do go to safe places, usually were it is crowded, in the beginning when I did it, it felt really weird, but the more I did it,the less weird it felt, I observed there are other lone rangers also, just act normal and correctly. What u can do at beginning, is just walk alone as if u were going somewhere, just to get a hang out of it. Going alone has it advantages, u dont have to depend on others, sometimes the other is not free or dont want to go where u want to go, for example my scardie cat pals who dont want to practise cold approach. You can practise cold approach that is next level. Today I saw a lone ranger cold approaching a woman in a bar or disco, the lady was very receptive and friendly, cant believe after a few chat she danced with him as if he was her boyfriend. Believe me no one will give a fuck about u, they are too busy enjoying themselves. Even if they know u are alone they still dont give a f, they will understand that sometimes you must go out alone because others dont have same time schedules. People are usually decent and nice so they will not bother.

 

I can totally relate to this post. I moved around a lot as a child; new homes, new schools, etc. So I never had a permanent sense of community. Being a millenial, my peers grew up on things like Harry Potter, whereas I've never even touched one of those books. That's how it started; I never had a permanent community of peers for most of my life, and I also didn't have shared experiences to bond with them over. I ended up developing hobbies and interests that no one my age could relate to, so we had nothing to connect on when interactions took place.

Fast forward to the present day. A few years ago, I began meeting people who are now my best friends, but here's the interesting part: practically all of my friends (except one) are all older than me, while some are literally twice my age. The book club I go to once every month is all older women (except me, of course), and I always have a good time around them.

My generation is a lost cause. They spend all their time on their phones,browsing social media, and binge watching streaming platforms. I've never used a site like Netflix, and I have all social media sites blocked on all my devices. Meanwhile, only older folks seem to have the hobbies I like, while people my age are consumed with the ditigal distractions.

I don't know your personal situation, so I can't say what worked for me will work for you, but befriending older people has been a godsend for me. They've showed me where the best restaurants are, the best auto shops when my car needs tuning, the best places to do all sorts of things that people my age are clueless on. We also have far better/more meaningful conversations.

I wish you all the best, but I must advice you to be careful when doing it. Where I live, cold approaching can now get you banned from certain malls and escorted out by security (Of course, I'm sure attractive guys don't have to deal with that problem)...

 

Enjoying an activity with a friend of great. But doing it solo can open opportunities to make a new friend.
This past weekend I got tickets for myself and 3 friends. It wasn’t their type of music so they preferred to sit further back. So I asked if they wanted to join me up close to the front stage. I ended up getting very close to the stage and made a new friend.