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Making sense of this.....

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017.

  1. Jul 14, 2017 #1
    Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    So my husband has masturbated pretty much daily for 30 years. Regular porn use was added into the mix 14 years ago (thanks internet!!!). Our sex life was always super varied and creative until 2 years ago we he worked in a camp and increased his porn use. We had sex 2 times in 2 years (when it was 3-5 times a week prior). He had trouble with maintaining erections and was really nervous during sex. He denied porn use everytime I asked as I suspected this was an issue. He was moody, angry, lazy, and irritated. He started making me feel igly, fat, and invisible.

    Anyhow, he finally was honest a couple of weeks ago and we have been in therapy.
    And we have been having the best sex we ever have had and he has had no issues woth erections. The therapist screened him for addiction and he scored 1 point less so she said she didn't think he was addicted. But now I am confused. If he had a true addiction I would feel empathy, but now I just feel like he is a total pig for denying me and preferring fake photos. I don't know how to process this. Help?
     
    Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017
    Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017
    #1
  2. Jul 14, 2017 #2
    sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman

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    I am not trying to diagnose your husband. In most mental and behavioral health issues, the definitions are largely subjective. He was asked questions that determined if he felt there was interference in daily life. Then that was applied to a scale based on observations.

    To give a personal example. I’ve dealt with depression a lot. The PHQ-9 screening they use asks how you feel over a two week period. I may have felt great for 10, then bad for the last 4. Because I more vivid remember recent history, I’m more likely to say “over half the time” or “nearly every day” even though that wasn’t necessarily true. My scores improved when I tracked it on a daily basis. It also didn’t track severity; I could be absolutely suicidal for 1 day, and score a “zero” because it wasn’t “several days”

    (Note: Doing very well for quite a while)

    If there was an accurate, objective blood test, I’d be more worried.

    That being said, only your husband can truly reach down and understand why he was using porn and thus discover what he needs to repair that damage.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO, Jul 14, 2017
    sparkywantsnoPMO, Jul 14, 2017
    #2
    Hopefulgirl likes this.
  3. Jul 14, 2017 #3
    Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much Sparky-I appreciate your insight.
     
    Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017
    Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017
    #3
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  4. Jul 14, 2017 #4
    Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    You really are that upset over 1 point on a screening tool? They are not totally cut and dry. Why would 1 point make you want to sacrifice the progress you made?
     
    Drew140, Jul 14, 2017
    Drew140, Jul 14, 2017
    #4
  5. Jul 14, 2017 #5
    Hopefulgirl

    Hopefulgirl Fapstronaut

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    Good point. Hmmmmm I just am grasping at straws to feel better and understand what the fuck is going on in my life I guess.
     
    Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017
    Hopefulgirl, Jul 14, 2017
    #5
  6. Jul 14, 2017 #6
    Drew140

    Drew140 Guest

    As you know I'm really pretty hard on the guys in these forums but if you making progress that makes you both happy just ride the wave.
     
    Drew140, Jul 14, 2017
    Drew140, Jul 14, 2017
    #6
    Hopefulgirl likes this.

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