M24 my struggles with porn in my marriage

YamahaWelder · Jan 6, 2024

Hello everyone. I am a 24 year old male, and I have been married for 1 years. My wife and I are highschool sweethearts. I have been viewing porn and masturbating regularly since age 12. I was able to hide my porn use, and it didn't become an issue until a few years ago when my wife caught me and asked my to stop. I would like and deny watching porn, only causing further strain, shame, and distrust in my relationship. I have attempted to quit watching porn a few times over the last two years with varying success, ultimately ending in a relapse. The biggest issue has been the strain this has caused in my marriage. I am so ashamed of my dependence on porn that I am too embarrassed and afraid to speak honestly with my wife. The only time we speak truthfully about it is after I've been caught.

Most recently, I have been browsing suggestive photos on Instagram instead of porn. I was mentally able to justify this as a crutch because I don't masturbate while viewing it, and they aren't technically nude models. I was caught watching this content by my wife, and she explained how this behavior is still deceitful and I agree with her, I am not proud of my compulsion to view sexually suggestive images on social media.

Another issue lately is that my reliance and dishonesty around porn has caused a strain in my marriage, to the point where my wife no longer trusts me, and she no longer wants to have sex with me. We have had sex a handful of times in the past 6 months, but I can tell that she hasn't been entirely comfortable. Everytime I feel like things are getting better, I eventually get caught watching porn and my relationship gets worse.

I am ready to admit that I have a problem with porn, and I want to quit masterbation and pornography for 90 days, or hopefully longer. I am ready to regain my life and my marriage. Thanks to everyone for participating in this community.

Rogerton5 · Jan 6, 2024

This sounds like an extremely difficult time for you. You’re up against ten years of a consistent personal habit. But i encourage you to give yourself some grace and try not to let the guilt and shame cast shadows across your mind. I am addicted to porn, so what i have to do is find a replacement behavior. Your brain is trained to expect dopamine and endorphins from pornography, it’s not your fault it’s ingrained in you. Things that help me as replacements that still hit dopamine were intense graphic novels, horror movies, whittling, collaging, hitting the distortion pedal extra loud, learning a new language on a learning app. You gotta try some things and maybe if you tell your wife that this is what you are trying to do, she’ll have more understanding for your experience and how difficult it is to change a decade of brain patterns in less than a year. It’s just some food for thought. One thing i learned as a nicotine addict was my wife didn’t care as much that i was struggling with it, she cared more that I didn’t let her know. I guess the last thing i want to say is that you both need to take the judgement out of the process as much as possible. It’s not your “desire” driving this… it’s your brain straining for another hit. It’s so freakin similar to drugs. Anyways man i feel for you, i hope your wife can understand this is hard for you, and more importantly that you can recognize how difficult it is and that it isn’t your fault. Peace friend, R5

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M24 my struggles with porn in my marriage

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