M, 21. years of pessimism. 90 days journey begin.

Magor · Aug 23, 2015

Sign of the Times said: ↑

Hey thanks heaps Magor that is really good to know that you put two and two together and found a way to mitigate the anxiety. Its just what I needed to hear right now! (just relapsed). I have only made partial progress thus far but am finding staying away from the cumpulsive and addictive stuff does absolute wonders for improving the anxiety- I even was able to come off medications for it 10 days ago- thats how sure I was in my capacity to deal with this in the right way (behaviours, actions) rather than relying on something or someone else.
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Really good to hear man, congrats on making such huge progress and not needing your meds any longer! Keep going, we can do this! A thing that have worked for me is 20 minutes of meditation together with nofap. Also I have recently started using a spreadsheet, it really helps to see visually how often you have fapped, it kind of makes you want to keep the spreadsheet as clean as possible!

camplum · Aug 23, 2015

camplum said: ↑

i have read that so many people feels many improvement on their minds and body. so today i want to proove it. i will upload my photos. i have much acnes, dark skin under my eyes (many people report the same) also i have a lot of grey hairs. i wish fapping is related to it, so that when i can quit fapping, my hair will heal. let's see

My gf bets 1.000.000 IDR, Which is about 72 USD (yeah, 1USD= 13889IDR. damn the inflation) if i can get the grey hairs out within 6 month, or at least i can show her great improvement with my hair. wish me luck
#edit: how to make the images appear?
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Can anybody help me? how to make my images appear? i would like to show you all may grey hair, black skin under eye and acne. When i finish this nofap challange i will upload my new photos for comparation. please, i cannot make the image visible right now

fercho29 · Aug 23, 2015

Phyzik said: ↑

Hey there buddy,

First of all, I want to congratulate you for being on here even though you have a rough past. You're on your way to success! I'll try to answer your questions as best as I can. I'm a social worker in real life and I study psychology. This controversial question you brought here, we call it Nature versus Nurture debate in psychology (what you are born with versus what you develop with your social environment). Most psychologists will tell you that at some point, you can't change what you are. I'll explain why I am totally convinced that this statement is WRONG.

What you experiment with other human beings is pretty much social anxiety. You are afraid of what others will think about you, you tend to not respect your responsabilities because you don't want to be judged. Those are signs of social anxiety, and I can 100% feel your pain. I used to suffer from this and it almost lead me to suicide. But guess what, I can ASSURE you that you can get through this. Social anxiety is caused because there is something harmful you maintain in your life that you are not able to let go of. As soon as you are in peace with yourself, social anxiety disappears. For some people, it might be anger, pride, seeking vengeance, etc. I've seen a guy who's been unable to forgive his father for what he's done to him. After years of hard work, he finally managed to forgive him. Guess what? His social anxiety was gone. In your case, I am 95% sure that PMO is what you're not able to let go of. You lost control of yourself and in my honest opinion, as soon as you will stop PMO, you will notice that your anxiety will slowly go away and that your life will get better. You are maintaining unhealthy habits and it does affect your self esteem, your confidence, your feelings. You are not in peace with yourself at the moment because of PMO. In my case, as soon as I stopped PMO, 2 days after, social anxiety was gone.

As for your other question, let me get this clear. No matter who you are, no matter what you have been through, no matter what peoples tell you, no matter where you're from, if you decide to change and that you are determined to change, I can 100% assure you that eventually, you WILL change.

What you can change :
- Your thoughts
- Your behaviours

What you can't change :
- Your physiological responses
- Your emotions

Hey, guess what? Your thoughts and your behavious interfere directly with your physiological responses and your emotions, so YOU are the master of what you are and what you feel. If you decide to change your thoughts and your behaviours, you will become what you want to be. You said that you've been told you can't change because you have a stubborn kind of personnality. Well, I think this is a plus for you. Stubborn personnalities are known for having HUGE amounts of energy. It takes SO MUCH energy to be stubborn. Your problem is that your energy is focused on unhealthy habits, thoughts and behaviour. Use your all energy on positive habits. Some people have less energy than others. This is not your case.

I've seen so many social workers tell me that at some point, people can't change. This is SO wrong. What's the point of thinking like that? Basically, you've had a rough past, so you're stuck with it for the rest of your life and you can't do anything about it? Bullshit. Have you ever noticed that everyone who succeed their life are the ones who have suffered the most and that have had the roughest past you could ever imagine? Why so? Because they learnt how to stand up and fight for their happiness. You have to change your minding and be 100% convinced that if you want to change, you can change.

As for your question about personnality, there is a part of it that is born, we call it disposition. You are right, we will rarely see an introvert person become an extrovert, but this person can turn into an ambivert (both at the same time). Although, don't forget what I've told you before; no matter introvert, extrovert or ambivert, you can control your thoughts and your behaviours. The alcoholic can choose to stop drinking whenever he wants to, no matter if he has grown up in an environment with a lot of alcohol in it. It doesn't matter. It might be harder, but it's totally possible. Same thing goes for the pedophile who's been sexually abused. That guy can choose to be driven by his lusts, or he can choose to be the one driving and fighting his lusts. This is what we all do here, we learnt how to control our desires so we're not driven by then. Notice how we ALL feel better after stopping PMO.

You are lucky enough, because you have found why you are struggling with your life. A lot of people struggle and they don't know why. Now, you have to make a choice. Either you keep on drowning or you stop PMO and you will eventually shine. The path will be hard, but if you have the will to do it, there's a wonderful life waiting for you, buddy. If you learn how to turn all the pain you suffer from into something healthy, you have no idea how far you will go. And that being said, it will be WAY faster than you expect.

Good luck!
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Great post @Phyzik
I would just add one thing: we can chose to be the "victim" of our past stories , blaming everything we experienced in life to justify PMO ( or other addictions) OR we can become the "owners" of our current life and seat down in the driver seat of our life
@camplum : I strongly recommend you to start NoFap Academy. You will find tools that will help you with your recovery, specially what they call the Willpower Process
Keep fighting
Fercho

camplum · Aug 24, 2015

today... flatline broh... haha

nothing special... no attemp to O

camplum · Aug 24, 2015

http://postimg.org/gallery/k5xtwnsw/2727ad4d/
these are my grey grey hair, acne, and dark skin under eye... let's see whether i can change it when my nofap finished

camplum · Aug 24, 2015

just want to share something

one new thing i've just learn few days ago is that edging is no different with O itself. i still felt tired, stress, and other symptoms. so the conclusion is "NEVER GIVE ANY SINGLE SPACE FOR P. IT DESTROY YOU IN EVERY WAY"

camplum · Aug 25, 2015

sorry brother. today i relapsed. resetting

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