lowest point in my life

Yeah I think I'm very depressed. Everybody at my job is treating me badly. They can probably just feel my sad energy and low self esteem. I'm kind of feeling better, but I still feel kind of hopeless. I feel so isolated and alone.

 

Yeah it's definetly my mind. I just have so much anxiety to the point that it's hard to sit down, but it's also hard to get back up.

I've kind of gotten over it a little more. I'm still feeling horrible and have horrible days, but I have some good moments.

I relapsed today, but at least I made it to 4 days. Something I haven't done in a while. That's some good advice, but my mind always tells me that I'm a bad person and I was born bad. It feels very not genuine to think anything else.

I'm not a bad person or at least I don't think I am, but the way i'm living now i'm in survival mode. I'm basically trying not to die. Or at least that's how it feels. I've succumbed to the pressures of porn and weed. I don't get past 3 days nofap for a while. And whenever I'm feeling down or gotta relax I smoke. At least it makes my memory so bad to the point I don't really remember what I'm so worried about. My memory of that is somewhat a blur, but something in the back of my head tells me i'm a bad person. It's too shocking to even think of. How does something like that happen to someone like me. Someone who took pride in that I was somewhat a good person. It was an accident, but I feel like it happened partly because I am a bad person. Like normal people don't even know about any of that. I only went on dark web cause I wanted weed, but maybe I should have known it's a bad place for bad people.

 

But also I'm just a kid so maybe I shouldn't be so harsh on myself, but I also feel if I am not harsh on myself my whole mind will slip away and I will become a bad person with no conscience.