Hey people. I'd like to share a little of my experience, and how porn addiction just ruined the best relationship I could have asked for. BACKGROUND At the age of 20, I hadn't even kissed a girl, so no sex activities in sight too. By then you can imagine how much porn I had already seen. I had a huge stash with Terabytes of porn. I watched porn on a daily basis, twice when possible, sometimes more (I have a roomate, so basically every time he was in class I was masturbating). To live in a high energy enviroment like a university, with lots of parties, couples and pretty girls, you might imagine how depressed I was becoming for not having any action until my third year. THE GIRL In the year of 2012 I started working out and became friends with this amazing girl, she was my roomate's classmate and visited our place frequently. In no time she became my best friend. As she was gourgeous, she had experience with sex and relationships with other people, and one thing that made me fall in love with her was how open-minded she was about sex. For her, sex was in the same level of making out with the person, as a simple way to have fun, and often criticized how society transformed sex into a mystic thing that transforms you into a whore if you like it too much. She knew I was a virgin, and sugested that we should become sex-friends. So there it was. I lost my virginity to this girl. After some time, I couldn't look at her only as a sex-friend, and asked her to be my girlfriend. Against all my expetations, she said yes. THE RELASHIONSHIP The relationship was not only great in the sexual area. This girl was the most caring person I have ever met. She trully saved my from the depression hole I was falling into. In the beggining I was so amazed by real sex, that my first action was to delete all my porn collection from my notebook. And I stopped watching porn at all for several weeks, as we actually had a lot of sex. After some time, I began watching porn again everytime we didn't had sex for, like, 2 days. And there it was where my porn addiction came to ruin everything. THE PROBLEMS 1 - For some reason, all that porn I watched for so long gave me a fettish for anal sex. I don't understand really, I just have it. And my girlfriend had only 2 "rules" for sex: No anal and no threesomes. After some time, this fettish became a obsession. As I could not have anal sex with my girlfriend, I started to watch only anal-related porn. And even fantasized having anal sex with her while doing the conventional way. 2 - Whenever we didn't had sex, because she was tired or not in the mood. I instantly started to assume that "the love were gone" or she didn't feel any more sexual desire towards me. I became cranky every time we didn't had sex, and made sure to make it obvious to her. 3 - Once I watched porn beside her in bed while she was asleep. She woke up and saw it. This was a horrible episode for our relationship. Going back to problem #1. After one and a half year of relationship, she said it was ok for me to try some anal finger action with her (she knew I had this fettish, altough I don't believe she actually knows how much). That kind of lit my fire on sex again. She said it wasn't something she liked, it was more like a indifferent thing for her that she knew I liked I lot. So, some time later, after a lot of me being cranky and stupid with her for not having sex... it happened the final episode for us. There was this night, she invited me to her house. I was expecting sex, but she just wanted to be together... (ok, I just want to pause here really quickly to put a commentary. It may seem like the sex was the only thing I cared about in the relationship, which is not true. I am just focusing on the problem.) ....continuing. I became that stupid boyfriend that couldn't smile back at that beautiful face that looked at me with love in bed, just because I didn't get my freaking penetration!! (I remember this scene in particular with a lot of anger). Then, we spooned and fell asleep. Well, she did... I started to try to "wake her body up" without actually waking her up. And while my hands traveled across her body, I got the brilliant idea to finger her in that spot she didn't liked so much.... Aaaand she woke up... And that was it... She felt corrupted, she felt she couldn't trust me, she felt like I only wanted her body (with or without her consent). And who can blame her? This was not a isolated case. Similar situations happened some times. After this, she was... sexually broken. She couldn't see herself as the sexy girl she is anymore. She cried a lot and her smiles were never sincere again. We tried to continue with our relationship. Until the next time we tried to have sex again, and she started to cry. I felt like I didn't have the right to destroy the life of the person I loved (and still love) the most in this world. The girl who saved me from that depression hole I lived. So I asked her to break up with me, and she did. I know the root of all the problems I had in my relationship: pornography. Now I am in therapy and doing the best I can to become a better person. May it be for her or for another girl I meet in the future. But I still can't pass 3 or 4 days without watching (anal) porn. I feel like if I start a new relationship, everything that I did wrong will repeat. So I am here in nofap, asking from the bottom of my heart: help me pass through this. I need your experience, I need your advice. I want to become someone that my partner can trust, and be sure that I'll never hurt them like I did with my first girlfriend. I want to cuddle someone again and be able to just love that moment, without wanting to have sex or fantasizing about freaking anal sex. I'm really sorry about this huge monologue....
I read every word and I want to be here for you. I am in a relationship now and find that porn gave me some of these same fetishes or expectations with my girlfriend. Please message me if we want and we can talk more. This community is here for you and stay strong. Sorry I will make a better response because I am at work now and send it to you.
Wow, I think you need a long reboot at an absolute minimum. I don't know where you live but fingering your girlfriend in the ass while she's asleep sounds like a great way to end up in jail and on the sex offender registry for the rest of your life if she ever decided to tell someone.
Thank you for sharing your story, LucaShrek. Being honest with your situation is a good first step towards changing it. We are here for you and can help get you through this. Commit to the reboot and keep checking in man
Solution = get rid of the device of lust, which is you being alone with an electronic porn potential device... Do it. Do it until you scoff at porn filth. Till you can say no.
I post on here every day that helps me. I always make jokes about anal because I was close to as interested as you described yourself to be, but I hope this helped me cool that down.
Hey, this description is nearly entirely the same as my relationship, the girl saved me from a S*%£hole of a life, she motivates me to do well and I threw it right back at her, she caught me (twice) and I was scared, I thought I lost everything, I started to self harm and I had the rockiest year of my life. I also had the sleep problem but the only difference was I thought she was awake and she knew this so although I was feeling terrible we moved on quite fast. Now when we haven't had sex in a day or two I hit the laptop. I am scared, if I don't stop and she finds out that is the end of it. So I am going to stop, permanently, for the rest of my days. When you enter a new relationship just remember that you don't want to hurt that person so if you're not prepared to change yet, if you don't feel like you can control yourself then wait because the last thing your mind can deal with is a repeat of this happening. What helps? Remembering what he/she does makes you feel all warm inside. for example eating with your companion, sleeping beside each over, having that support and wanting nothing more but to be the best thing for that person and knowing that you are loyal will make you proud. Hope this helps.
Hey LucaShrek, read your story and am really moved. I am really impressed by your courage to let go of your most precious girlfriend to stop her being hurt. You have done well, and now, you are in your pilgrim to become better man. As with everybody else, only you can free yourself from your bad habit and addiction. My prayer is with you, and I also pray that once you complete your pilgrimage, if you still love her, you will have her back in your arms and cherish her
Make anal sex disgusting for yourself. Actually it really is disgusting man, you're enjoying it because you're just viewing it. But think man, in real life it stinks, making it such a turn off during sex. Why would you put your peinis in shit?! Majority of gay men got aids because of it. Shit consists of bacteria and waste materials from the human body. Also majority of girls don't like it man, if you've ever seen a documentary on porn, you'll know that most of those porn stars hate it too. They're just acting for the camera. Now you may say there are amature videos as well, but thoes girls are very rare, and but you should be puking at the idea of anal sex by now.
Trigger alert. My wife and I tried it...once. Honestly, the sensation wasn't noticeably different for me than PIV sex, so I fail to see the point. And I agree, it's pretty gross when you think about. I have read about the extensive preparation required for the uh, "receiver"; it's basically starvation followed by one or more enemas. I think the comedian Sam Kinison (RIP) said it best, and I am paraphrasing: "Anal sex isn't even that great, most guys don't even want to do it until you tell them they can't!" But back to the OP. Good luck LucaShrek with your journey to give up PMO.
I asked a friend why he likes anal so much with his GF. He said "I think it has to do with…I am good and you are bad…" . Kind of fucked up way of thinking.
