Losing Motivation To Abstain and Reboot

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by lordram17, Mar 18, 2018.

  1. lordram17

    lordram17 Fapstronaut

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    This is going to be a long one because I am explaining my psychology regarding nofap in detail. Before I start, let me make it clear that I totally support the NoFap cause and have been doing so for the past 1 year. I do understand that excessive masturbation and porn causes a plethora of unwanted side effects that we are all better without. And more than anything, I do want to get away from it.

    However, I have noticed that whenever I start a streak, I eventually lose the motivation to continue with NoFap. When I relapse, it is not only the desire to go back to fapping but also the weird question in my head to which I dont have an answer to - 'Why put so much effort in abstaining?'

    While I do start with a lot of motivation like 'It morphs my views about women', 'It causes me to get addicted to the dopamine surge', 'It is a waste of precious time', 'It lowers my chances to getting an actual girlfriend', sooner or later it feels like I am artificially convincing myself to keep going and these reasons dont really feel that strong anymore. And yes, some part of it can be my brain 'playing tricks on me' to get a dopamine surge but more often than not, I really feel like Nofap is not convincing enough.

    I live a highly stressful life already and fapping to porn is like a stress buster for me. Its pathetic but I am not running away from accepting this truth anymore. The reason my motivation fades is because I say to myself, 'I am already working so hard in life, why cant I watch porn and escape from reality for a little while'.

    I dont have a girlfriend and from the lifestyle I have chosen for myself, it is quite unlikely that I will have one in the near future. But over the years, I have learnt to accept that for myself. Its the price I am paying because I want to work hard and get ahead in my work. Also, it is important to mention that I am really not good with girls and over the years I have become conditioned to just avoid them and focus on my work to save myself the trouble. (If your advice is going to be to change this aspect of myself, its really not going to help because I am really focused on my career and as I said, I have learnt to be alone. Unless something happens on its own, I am not going around chasing girls for sure.)

    This part about not having a girlfriend was important because I feel that my desire to watch porn stems from loneliness and sexual frustration. If you have read this far you will understand that state that I am in now, which boils down to this :

    No girlfriend -> Desire to watch porn -> Trying to fight the urge -> Asking myself 'why go through nofap at all, fapping relives stress after all!' -> Giving in

    Not sure if this is something you can relate to. If you can, please give me some advice on how to move past this.

    Thanks for reading :)
    I respect all of you a lot for understanding your addiction and getting into the discipline of fighting it.
     
  2. DaBauce97

    DaBauce97 Fapstronaut

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    Well then why do you want to quit porn? Theres all sorts the negative consequences from it but YOU yourself should have a personal answer to that question. How do you feel after you have masturbated to porn? Do you feel proud? Do you seriously feel de-stressed? Exactly how do you feel after the deed?

    Not trying to change your mindset, but assuming you continue to focus on a career solely, and hypothetically speaking i your 40s, your 50s , you're on top of career and all, have you considered how lonely it can get?

    Seems to me like you too are using porn as a heavy crutch to de-stress....well if you're at peace with that decision, then power to you. But the fact you're on NoFap, tells me you want to stop fapping to porn somehow. Just picture it man, you're in your 40s, your 50s, career high flyer, are you still okay with fapping to porn at that point? Wont you seriously want a soul mate whom you can air your grievances to? A stronger network of social support other than the professional relationships you might form?

    Yes, there are challenges to a an intimate relationships, theres is but personally to me finding a soulmate in life is critically important for one's mental and physical wellbeing in the long term.
     
    VeganRights and lordram17 like this.
  3. lordram17

    lordram17 Fapstronaut

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    I like the questions to you pose.

    Truth be told, I have often thought about ending up lonely but the assumption is that I will eventually find a girl sometime in the future. If I cant then matrimonial websites, dating websites are the last resort I guess. If absolutely nothing works, then maybe I'll ask my parents to find a girl for me. Whatever be the case, the point is that it is not a pressing concern for me right now.

    Regarding porn being a de-stresser, I do agree that it is not perfect, but it is what I've got. Yes, I am using porn as a heavy crutch to de-stress but I am lost and dont know what else to do. That being said, I do want to stop fapping because it just feels unnatural, pathetic and it is definitely addictive in the wrong way.

    I dont even understand what I am looking as I am writing this post. Maybe I just want someone to show me the error of my ways. Thanks for replying though!
     
    VeganRights likes this.
  4. DaBauce97

    DaBauce97 Fapstronaut

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    No probs...maybe you should try other ways to de-stress....perhaps exercise? Music? Crafts? Cultivating a new habit will definitely help. Conciously decide on a new coping method (s) and whenever you feel stressed out from work choose the one that would be the most appropriate. I believe the more proactive we are in the journey, the recovery would be better. We cant just not masturbate, and somehow think magically the cravings and urges will somehow be gone.

    Cheers and all the best your journey!
     
  5. Man, you described my exact feelings, I'm sometimes too stressed and since nofap there seems to be no way to relieve it, I get closer and closer to a relapse with the same rationalizations you described. I feel like I'm in a trap.
     
  6. Father Dan

    Father Dan Fapstronaut

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    To the OP, i think you need to be clear about what you hope to gain by abstaining and rebooting. It will be different for everyone. For example, I personally want to get to a point, where masturbaton is disconnected from porn. Where masturbation is an occasional release for when it feels natural, not a compulsive obsession with porn as a crutch. Also to obviously have a healthy sex life, which I don't currently have. At the moment I'm doing the hard mode reboot. But for me, my attempt at celibacy is only temporary, for healthy and proper sexual fulfilment later on.
     

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