Looks I need some help from you guys

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by cud, Apr 25, 2016.

  1. startover90

    startover90 Fapstronaut

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    Stop horsing around with those guys man. Wtf..people who don't encourage you in reading a book or having a marathon. Screw them and make some new friends who run, do yoga and to improve themselfs. Sounds easy but it doesn't. Maybe the new people you will meet will present you new opportunities and girlfriends. If you go to gym, change it. Search for running mates around your area. And more than this..if you're exausted by some of these things stop doing them, do things that make you feel great. Running makes you feel great but if you need a breake take it once in a while. Same for other things..but remember to keep an eye on the goal. Stop watching porn. If you want pm me and we can become accountabilty partners. We could give a hand to eachohter.
     
  2. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Hello my brother.

    Thanks for wise words.

    Those "bad" friends are not those I hang out with very often. We see each other once in while and you are right i dont need them. I feel it the same ways.

    The problem with me is the opposite. I want to work on myself - sometimes people around me say i work too much on myself and I realized that when I hear it I need it even more. Once my day is full of activities and going to bed beating as dog, those days counts as the best - for me at least.

    And having a rest time to time is great altough I had these breaks in case of alcohol and everytime I felt horrible after I got drunk - like i was misled from my journey.

    Yes, I keep an eye on the goal - which is being the real man!
     
  3. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,
    When you make a big change/changes in your life, those around you may question you a lot. This can make you question yourself. That's when you have to be very strong. You may have to regulate how much time you spend with such people who question you until you become very set in your new ways. One of my old friends with whom I used to engage in destructive behavior and thinking always says that we don't see each other more than once in many months. It is just that we've drifted apart in our values. I still appreciate and value some parts of his friendship, but his thinking is very contrary and destructive to my current commitments. It works for him ok and I don't want to judge that- it's just not for me. Accepting that was very useful for me.
    Hope that helps. Soldier on... YB
     
  4. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Most of my friends are very supportive. Time to time I meet with those kind of guys they have no previous experience of needing change and that makes them what they are. I feel like I am tested those times and feel not very comfortable.

    Anyway what makes me more sad is the tiredness of myself. But I have no other choice than just go ahead...and believe that one day it ll all click into one!
     
  5. YogiBlues

    YogiBlues Fapstronaut

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    Good to know.
    Yes, I can empathize. It seems to be a long road that also feels hard at times, but most of this is emotional self-management. We're committed to doing the right things but often times it does not seem that the right things are leading to the expected results. Faith is crucial- the good seeds will bear good fruit even if it takes time. When we clean out an old ink bottle by running water through it before refilling it with a new liquid, the water runs colored for a while- I feel it is the same with the mind. As we allow the mind to empty itself of old, useless thinking patterns of self-doubt, depression, weakness, and indulgence, it takes time for those patterns to reduce, even as we are replacing them with courage, optimism, cheerfulness, self-control and decisiveness. But the method is sound and will bear the right fruit if we persevere. This at least is my belief. Cheers! YB
     
  6. Lesoldat

    Lesoldat Fapstronaut

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    Man. I see your point, and i want to congratulate you for all the efforts you put in to improve yourself.
    All of this is great, but to me it's pretty much just sacrifices to you. Do you enjoy doing all of this ?
    I'm living the exact same situation at the moment. Girls is mostly the problem and i think cold approach is the only solution when you don't have success naturally and cannot meet girls "easily" another way. This is a conclusion i apply to me as well because i don't have others options. You're maybe not good at this now but you will i'm pretty sure about it. You should watch some johnny berba videos, he's great. No method but just be natual and honest.
     
  7. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    Cudd, you have read some of my posts already, so you know my opinions. Only you decide who, how and what you are no one else. Redefine yourself, redefine yourself. Embrace change , live change. Neither your past nor your present set in stone who you are from now on. You ALWAYS have a choice.

    It will be hard, it will be scary. You WILL feel unsure and lost at times. that´s what makes us human. But even if your path has stones and curves in it. NEVER stop walking. Even if it´s painful, even if you want to cry, don´t go back, go straight forward, embrace the things that scare you, seek the things that are uncomfortable know. Accept your shortcomings and weaknesses you can change and stop thinking about the things that you can´t change.

    You can be the king of your own reality. Recreate yourself and the world around you. Connect with others and lead a life proud living of . Remeber, you create yourself, every day, every second anew, time flows, people and things change, grab the flow and embrace the change!
     
    jamesrobert likes this.
  8. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    To be honest sometimes I do not enjoy those things. I would rather lie at home at the bed - bad thats what I was doing year ago and how I ended - unsatisfied with myself and sad in the end.

    Anyway, thank you for your words. I am learning to have a faith in myself.
     
  9. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's bad to lie at home. One can lie at home and write poetry or laze around in the home and do gardening with plants in the windowsill. Or maybe cook food while laze at home. Not everyone likes to go for mountain climbing or river rafting and it's all right. You can lie at home and listen to good music, or maybe learn a new language with the laptop, or maybe play with your pet.
     
  10. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    The importance lies in moderation
     
  11. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    You didnt get my point. I thought the things I did year ago - lying in the bed, watching movies and TV shows. Thats something I dont do anymore and I dont want to do anymore.
     
  12. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, yes I know your opinions and I like them a lot. They are very close to my nature.

    To be honest I have been on this journey for year or so and it is very hard. Sometimes i am hit with very sudden and bad emotions and sometimes it is just all right.

    I think that I have grabbed the right direction - finally - but it takes a lot of time and the worst feeling is that i am still alone, kind of cannot see the girl I would like and therefore whenever I go for some, it is not THE feeling so I screw up. Friend of mine is teeling me, that I will have it difficult, cause we only meet people that are same vibration as we are and he says that I have become very interesting, brave and good man.. so question is whether similar women are out there..??? I have no other option that just believe that they are :).

    Anyway, I am getting dog next week. I am very excited. Many friends say that this will "kill me" like a person. But I talked today with very good friend of mine and he supported me, that this will change my life in a good way!
     
  13. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    You have to get over your limiting beliefs. You are the party, you are the interesting stuff. Girls accompany you and can enjoy you. Enjoy yourself. It doesn´t matter if girls like you or not, they will eventually. You are the prize. Getting a dog is fine.

    Too be honest, you are too much of a good person. People may and will abuse that.
    You have to place yourself first in life. that´s not arrogant or egoistical that´s the right thing to do. Even the bible says to love others as you do yourself not to place more importance on them.

    you have to figure out your priorities in life and make stuff happen. Nothing comes from only thinking about it. Face your fear. Fear is weakness leaving your mind. Face the pain. It´s weakness leaving your body.

    Don´t overanalyze and overthink stuff, make mistakes, keep going. It´s better making 1000 wrong turns and 1 right than standing on the same spot for your whole life.

    Be your fate´s smith!
     
  14. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    I am not a brownnoser but I really appreciate your words.

    It is really what I just needed to hear. You remind me myself few years ago - solid, logical, clever, sensitive guy. Thanks for reminding me what I really want to be!

    All taht you said makes such a sense. I know all of those words, I need to apply it into my life and I will!

    Getting over my limit beliefs, sounds fucking cool!!! Easier said than done but it is possible and I ll work on that.

    Thank you once more, you are really good guy and great helper on this forum!!
     
    RealLifeGamer likes this.
  15. Aryangor

    Aryangor Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the main trend of motivational spirit here in this thread.

    I used to think that I will never be successful, never a complete man, until I have a woman by my side. I was always feeling inferior and never worthy of anyone coming my way. Would dodge them, avoid them - yet still desiring to be with a girl.

    Eventually I began to climb out of my comfort zone and I asked one of my great friends out. She batted me. And I realized that it wasn't the end of the world! It was hard to get over her at first, because I was daydreaming about her for over a year - but eventually those memories gave way to something more precious: freedom to be myself.

    I told God that I am tired of dreaming of that perfect lady and that I just want to be myself, to do what I love and to be who I want to be, who I know I really am. NoFap came into my life around that time too. So basically I detached my feeling of worth from the notion of having a relationship.

    And I became happy. Truly happy - to the deepest point of my heart. I knew that I don't need anyone else except Christ and myself to be happy. And that set me free beyond measure.

    About 5 months after I made that decision, I met the woman I am now going to marry end of 2016 ))

    Was this all simple? Yeah, but not so easy. The bottom line is to be yourself and to discover yourself. To love and respect yourself, as was already mentioned earlier, and to invest into your own life.

    You know, a relationship is like a box. When two people join in one, but they are both needy, then all they want is to take-take-take - and the box remains empty, leaving both bitter and dissatisfied. When one always gives, the other one becomes a parasite of the stronger one. That's also crooked. But imagine that both people are willing to put something into the box every day, and willing to give more than to take? How awesome is that! And to be someone like this, you first need to make your own heart and life full.

    You are strong of character and resolve man - that's awesome! I see you don't let others' opinion define you - maybe its a punch, but you keep getting up! You know this is the right thing to do - and well done to you!

    Keep going man! You are on the right track, stay in faith and dedication and you will see the fruits of your labor sooner than you think.


    P.S: I was listening to this while typing the post! ))))
     
    YogiBlues likes this.
  16. Resetter

    Resetter Guest

    @Aryangor Great text. Happy for you^^ Just don't like the word "Christ"
     
  17. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Man, you cannot probably even imagine how in time your post came!!!

    I felt a bit weird today. I took all my courage and ask one girl I met on lecture (while I was giving lecture for people from goverment about greenery) out - I called to her office - and she basically refused me as a bitch :). I have been having a difficult days lately. I got a dog - i decided few months ago and so I share my small appartment with my new friend. It is a puppy and it is very alive I would say. I live in the very center and I dont know whether I did a good thing but there is no way back now.

    I kind of wanted my life to be changed and I wanted to be more responsible and finally be a right man. So I feel like I came a bit downwards...lately.

    And yes I agree with you - the relationship is like a box. I dont see much possibilities these days in meeting the right girl. Girls I met - and I like - they are ussually dishonest - and are afraid of telling the truth. Why is that so? I asked this particular girl twice - she always said OK, I ll let you know and then.. nothing happened. She could say NO I dont want to meet you and it would be ok for me. World is nasty out there I think I should finally apply its own therapy. Being nasty as well. My ex run away with a guy who was better than me (for her otherwise she would do it) I was always scared to be such a guy. Is there really place for such guys like I am? Hopefully I will meet her soon.

    How I have been feeling it these days - i have been tired from all of this "chasing" my ideal me and from all of watching "being better human" videos... maybe my dog will help with this and I will became grounded again...

    Thank you once more man, you helped me through my day!
     
  18. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    Dont let your feelings control you. Take charge of your feelings. Decide to be happy. Tell yourself every day that you will be happy!

    You decide what a real man is like.
    dont follow someone else s path. Find your own path. Create your own path. Make mistakes. Make more mistakes. Until you make it right. accept yourself and accept your wish to change both at the same time. You can do this. Live, make mistakes. Learn. Expose yourself to your fears and enjoy Yourself. Fuc* what others think about you, you are a good guy. Only you yourself makes yourself inferior. You are awesome!
     
  19. Lesoldat

    Lesoldat Fapstronaut

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    Man i loved your post. Good people deserve happiness and sadly nobody will give it to them but that's life. Let's work a bit for it.
     
    RealLifeGamer likes this.
  20. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    I do work for it as never before trust me!

    I always have these climbing parts in my life - down and crawling up. Alone, sweaty, breath taking... but i´ve always done it. I hopefully will also this time!
     

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