Looking for advice from those who have done it

Hello, I am a 40 year old man who has wasted over 20 years of my life looking at porn and I'm sick of living like this.

I have seen everything that is legal and what scares me is that you start wanting to see something new. So I draw the line before I go to far, I hear people talk at work about their lives and the great things they do on the weekends around their houses or with families and I want that. I want to feel useful instead of useless.

 

I know it sounds all too simplistic, but stop watching porn and masturbating. There are countless testimonies on Your Brain On Porn that show quitting porn to get their erections back. Please follow the link and realize that this can be reversed.

 

Welcome! You're at the right place! I have been addicted to pmo for years. Your words are familiar. It definitely caught up with me one night with a girl and my erection just wouldn't wake up... Looking back, I pmo-ed early that morning. I didn't realize until recently I stumbled on a TED Talk about pmo addiction, and PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction). It killed my erection. Both mentally (cause PMO desensitizes your mind), and physically (desensitizes your penis). I pmo-ed so much that it got bruised/sore at times. I even M-ed through the bruises/soreness.

After finding this site in November 2016, I decided to do the NoFap challenge. I have had my streaks, relapses, streaks, and relapses... But it isn't to say I had many improvements. A little bit about my progress, before doing NF, my erection was weak/non-existent, I couldn't even get a semi-erect one unless I had P on. Since starting NoFap, and despite my relapses, my erection has for the most returned, and it is better than what it used to be during my frequent pmo binges. (hahaha I knew I used to be bigger...) My (real) erections are now more frequent, but I still have a lot of work to do cause it's not always consistent. The reason I am telling you all this is cause I had many doubts at first about whether I can fix my erection. I got so depressed and thought I really ruined it for life... but it's so clear now that fixing your erection IS possible!

So what do we do? here's a run down of my method and a summary of my journey so far:
- Set goals (how many pmo-free days do you wanna rack up), pursue the goals, make mistakes, "fail", find out where you went wrong and how you can improve, set new goals, pursue them, repeat... This is a realistic approach. So far I have made it to Day 49, then 5, then 2, then 8, currently on Day 38 (and counting!!! Be prepared to hit some bumps on the road. It will NOT be easy. If you relapse, don't get down on yourself. That's when you take a look back at what led to the relapse, and make sure you don't make those mistakes again.
- Be aware of p-subs! This even includes (but not limited to) non-nudes, models, certain suggestive things, r-rated movies. I made the mistake of teasing myself with certain p-subs on Instagram/Snapchat during my first attempt, that's how I finally relapsed. I looked at a personal Facebook page of a p-star I used to "like", and she was friggin clothed in the pic... result was a relapse. Other p-subs (models who show off, r-rated movies) have also led me back to relapses. I'm avoiding certain IG/SC/FB accounts like the plague. I have removed them, and logged out of IG for now. Maybe I'll come back when I'm good and ready, I don't miss it btw. I cannot tease my brain with eye-candy. After relapsing, I had the chaser effect (more frequent relapsing the following days...)
- Make a note of your improvements! This will be an amazing confidence booster. Like I said, I am bigger than I thought I was (I did measure). My erections are harder, bigger, and more frequent! I still have a lot of work to do.
- Your brain WILL rewire. I can swear I've gotten better at talking to women, rather than just thinking dirty thoughts about them! A lot of the crazy P I looked at (stuff I would never find attractive in real life) now disgusts me.
- Remember, every day is a battle. I do get many urges! I do have thoughts of peeking here and there. I have peeked, and I have had the strength to exist out, but quite often I did not get so lucky... the longer you go cold turkey, the better!
- Do write on this site anything that's on your mind, and write often. It has helped me organize my thoughts more than ever! Even if no one is reading (they are though!), you can benefit greatly just by writing for yourself.

Wish you well, and always remember: a lot of good people here! =]

 

Yeah this started happening to me about 8 months ago. I had a great sexual relationship with my last girlfriend, I would PMO almost every night and would still have enough to stay rock hard for whenever we fooled around. After that relationship ended, I kept my PMO rate the same, but when I started messing around with another girl 4 months later, I couldnt keep it up at all and just couldnt figure it out! I was so embaressed that I actually cried after the 6th time it happened haha.

A good place to start would obviously be to stop watching porn, because that will really hurt your performance, it took my sex drive away for sure. But dont get anxious about your performance either. You wont be able to stay hard if youre always thinking about staying hard, its just how it works. If you get nervous about sex then it will be near impossible to keep it up, its a downward spiral that just gets worse and worse if you cant forgive yourself and move on.

It could also just be how the situation is playing out. The first relationship I was in, we watched porn together plenty of times, and learned from it, so the sex felt like it was coming from porn, so I could get away with watching it. But the relationship im in now, this girl doesnt watch porn, so I have to reboot and learn how to have good, healthy sex, and not expect everything to feel like a fetish.

Its a tough readjustment, but im sure you can do it man!