Loneliness and Intimacy-What's the difference.

Too often do we find ourselves the addicted (Even if you're 365+ days nofap you're still addicted) asking life and destiny whether we will truly find our significant other. We may spend months abstaining from any form of sexual interaction with our hands or toys, and we may be seeing progress but where is that significant other life seems to be hiding from me?

Too many times in my life has the thought crossed my mind "I will die single" "I am too ugly" "Noone would want to spend a lifetime with me", but those are simply false statements regardless of what anyone has to say. To find the true connection of your life, or if you just want a friend there are a series of steps you must take. You already have the tools necessary to thrive in society specially today with the wide acceptance of those in need of a hand.

First and foremost you need to put yourself out in public. Think like a businessman. You won't get customers if your shop is hidden in a dark alley and regardless of what you have to offer to your guests. Upon doing this, you already have completed a major step towards finding love whether through a partner or a friend. Whether it's work (Food delivery, public service), a hobby (Sport/Hobby group), or simply out of curiosity (Should be born once you're 60+ days PMO free if not maybe you gotta wait more, every body is different) you gotta get out there and have the world look at you and some may approach you themselves or you will get opportunities to approach them.

Second step to meeting a potential partner in life is rocking that big smile you inherited upon birth. Doesn't matter whether you've lost a leg, a family member, or your honor. When you smile, you communicate that you're a noble person, and with your pain and suffering uncovered, this nobility is multiplied by 100 when your peers find out. No other expression makes the cut. Smiling sends a strong but soft message: "I am accepting". If you're barely stepping out in the social world it's O.K to not say much at first, a smile will do just fine. Upon receiving a smile after you just gave one, you will feel a tingly sensation. This is good, this means your self confidence is rising up, which will help in the next step to initiating something with a potential partner.

Third, You've either are able to say Hi after smiling or you completely spaced out. It's okay if you spaced out, practice makes perfect so just keep smiling at random people as you interact with them in your day to day life to increase confidence until you're able to say "Hi". This is a simple yet even stronger way of saying "I welcome you". Doing this often even if you don't get a reply will teach your mind that you are starting to feel "More and more confident" Which is awesome as this is a major step for your path to conquering the world.

The next step to establishing a relationship with someone is simply by making small talk. Now grant it, after the previous steps you may have landed the perfect match, or perhaps people just reciprocated and moved along in their day as they feel better that they were acknowledged. Regardless, now you two are past those points and you're both engaged so it's time to let him or her know you're fully aware of them and that you want to know them. They'll automatically know, but just make small talk by observing your surroundings and appreciating it. Don't criticize or start to put down others. You're trying to communicate that you are accepting and that you will not flip tables and cause havoc when things go south and this should be your personal motto. Using your soft smile and a regular tone will do just fine, and you've now completely won this person's trust to let you know the next step to winning them over. If the person however seems negative or neutral, don't hold back. Negativity communicates pain, Neutrality communicates mistrust or disinterest. Be super accepting to negativity and neutrality.

You're half way there now! All you need now is to exchange common information, basically where that person stands in society. Where do they live, their name, age, original birthplace. From there proceed on to their purpose of why they're at the location they're in. From there let your curiosity wander, as it will push for more and more information which will communicate to your future partner that you're in fact interested. Having someone interested in you communicates love (Not intimate or relationship love) which is like a sample dose before the real deal.

Depending on where you are and your time limit, you want to ask if they frequent the area often, as this will be either the opener for you to exchange numbers or it will allow for you to be a part of their life. Being a part of their life everyday or at least every couple days is crucial and the lifeblood of the relationship. Without this you can expect the relationship to fall apart unless there is a true foundation there where both of you share everything in common.

After getting their credentials, it is suggested you initiate contact with them asap upon leaving for home. You want to then text or call on your earliest convenience but try not to hog their phone too much. This will communicate desperateness which will (believe it or not) push them away. Desperateness, Clinginess, Obsessiveness or any hint of it is like nuking your relationship. Been there countless times. If you do score a relationship and this is an issue just requote your phrase from "I need you in my life" to "Hey, you make my days the best"

After contacting them, you are expected to make plans for the next time you will see each other. After that "Hey this is ______, we met at so and so", and you get a reply, just gently place the "It was great meeting you, I'd like to go grab some coffee with you sometime", it can be anything really these are just templates. You gotta work slow. Climb the mountain slowly as you drag your body through the forest so as to not alert the enemy.

By that I mean you will be spending at least a good month or even two months as a friend, purely going out and bringing small but cute gifts every time which could be just souvenirs from your previous dates or from a topic you both discussed (they like the color blue and legos fascinate them:Get them a blue lego keychain) It shows commitment and interest, and it will score you big points.

At your first couple dates you will both feel super nervous, which is perfectly normal. The main point of all this is that you use your mouth to communicate your feelings and there is a little worryness about being judged but most likely that will be calmed down as your partner accepts you more and more and you feel more comfortable with them to the point where you can have deep conversations and stick your chest out for them.

When the time comes and both of you are having a deep conversation, both of you will feel it. You know what I'm talking about. The fabled kiss and the "want to be my girl/boyfriend?" You will feel eternally lucky, and that's what it's about. If you failed on any step above you just gotta try again, you won't be heartbroken just a bit disappointed but you won't lose a thing. You have only experience and confidence to gain from the above and these are just pointers and small milestones I personally use which have not failed me and when they have that person was just not meant to be (meant to be as in they'll only cause you trouble down the road)

Ultimately once you find that relationship, you want to keep sending messages of commitment, interest, compassion and care, which ultimately are output as a big fat LOVE word.

Good luck out there, don't give up. We've all had it tough and we're all here to push each other forward. Best of luck in your journey and I hope to hear your success story soon!