Locking electronic devices or not?

Yes, absolutely, 100%, without question.

How are you accessing porn and chat sites if your devices are locked? Please explain this further.

This isn't true. In Apple ScreenTime, you can set it so downloading apps is still allowed, even when content filtering is on.

Respectfully, I think your therapist is crazy if he doesn't think a filter will at least help you somewhat. I'm almost tempted to tell you to get a new therapist.

That's exactly what you should expect if you're carrying the world's pornography around in your pocket, ready to be accessed 24/7 without anyone knowing. It's like an alcoholic trying to get sober while sitting in his favorite bar, all day, every day.

You should definitely get your phone locked down, but why does it have to be your mom? My friend, you're 26 years old. Don't you have another guy who's around your age who also struggles with this? Someone who you could be an accountability partner for, and vice versa? I just wonder if having your mom do it wouldn't make you feel like a child who can't control himself--but if you have a trusted friend, now you're a mature person taking the initiative to better his own life.

 

I've been using Covenant Eyes for 6 months and have been clean for 5. Yes there are ways around it and you can uninstall it at any time and lie to your accountability partner about it. If you are serious about stopping and really want to turn your back on it, it will work, but you have to be 100% in. If you install it with the intention of trying to figure out a way around it, you will find a way around it. Paying for it helps me because I know I'm investing in this and to remove it is like paying for a gym and not using it. It makes it a waist of money and it makes me a loser. Personally, I know I am too addicted to go without it. I tried for many years and had on and off success (mostly off). Now, I want it and I know I need it because acting out was harming my brain and body too much. I'm going to protect myself and the software. Now I'm enjoying the benefits of a clean mind, sleep, and self respect so much, I don't want to go back.

I also recommend going to a step group like SA SAA or Celebrate Recovery, those are great places to find an accountability partner. I'm not sure I would trust someone here, but if you know them well, you can try.

 

Why do you have to learn to live with your phone unlocked? Who made that rule? I never plan to have an unlocked phone, ever ... because I know myself and I know the issue I have with pornography when it's available to me. So to whatever extent is within my power, I make it unavailable.

Imagine if you were addicted to alcohol, and your counselor said, "you need to learn to live around alcohol without drinking it, therefore you should sit in a bar all day, every day." Or telling a gambling addict to hang out near the slot machines and poker tables as much as possible. It would be a recipe for disaster, and possibly death.

Essentially your therapist is saying, "You need to learn to live around porn, therefore you should have access to the all the porn in the world, in your pocket, 24 hours a day." Respectfully, it's insanity to me.

 

Yes, but you don't need those devices to have full access to porn.

Apple's internal web content filtering happens at the root level--it will block porn regardless of what apps you download. I have porn 100% blocked on my iPhone and I can download pretty much any app I want.

Well, I sincerely wish you the best, but it sounds like you're making lots of excuses to not do the one thing that makes recovery much easier.

 

I completely ditched any kind of virtual lock on electronic device because it's not effective. I take it as a challenge to bypass the lock and I always succeed.

What I do use from time to time though is a physical lock. You can buy time lock that will lock your device for x amount of hours and it can help getting through an urge. Also I scheduled my wifi to be cut off after a certain hour of the day. That last trick especially helped me a lot because I used to watch porn in the middle of the night.

 

I understand, I am an IT guy and can figure out how to get around and troubleshoot most problems. The problem with that is I am literally fighting against myself and my better interest when I do that. I'm paying good money for this service, why would I want to ruin it's effectiveness and destroy my sobriety just to prove I'm smarter. That's actually pretty dumb.

The time lock sounds interesting, but ultimately you are only being accountable to yourself, meaning you can decide at anytime to bypass. What I like about Covenant Eyes, is my friend and sponsors knows what I'm viewing, knows if I uninstall it, or it stops reporting, and can call me out on it. That's really the extra motivation I need. I know he's too busy to actually monitor this stuff hard, but knowing that he could is enough. Also, if I ask him to, he will.

 

Personally, blockers are not as important as accountability software, and having a real life accountability person you can meet with face to face.

 

I am a 40 years old male and day 142 of no PMO

I do not use Covenant eyes or lock my devices but I use very strict boundaries around social media

In my experience people who rely solely on blockers do not fare well.

Also if you rely on blockers but then casually browse social media, that seems counter productive